It is so important for me to find my own truth. For me that is what recovery is. I have had so many hand-me-down tapes over the years that I didn't know what was mine to take ownership of. I lived my life through others and I was what they wanted me to be. People pleasing and going outside of myself for love, affection, affirmation, validation, and self-worth just didn't cut it for me. I wore many masks, played many roles, had very thick and high walls hiding that Inner Self and I didn't let her come out very often. I had no concept of my Inner Child. One friend said I just never grew up. I think it was more like I didn't know how to play. I didn't know how to let myself go and have fun. I had to do a lot of work in this area. My humour is still sarkey and the words are their the actions aren't. I just not big on slap-stick. Maybe because I got slapped around too many times for expressing who I was. It is nice to know it is okay to be me.
It is one thing to be honest. Self-honesty is another ball of wax completely.
Originally posted on another site in 2009
Well I don't get slapped around any more and often, it is me not being honest with me that catches up with me and bites me on the a$$.
Our emotions can come out and show themselves physically.
