Hi. Another failure

[mmacto]

I kind of love how alcoholics think. Man it's a bunch of work being one. Here's my awesome thinking that I actually live and also lived by. I won't bore you with knowing when every thing closes and get your booze from different places so they won't know (they know).Thats entry level.
My number 1) hide or turn off your phone. I do that 95% of the time. The other 5% results in embarrassment. Don't use your phone.
2. white wine doesn't count. It actually does when you've scoffed a bottle of red after and a few shots. Friends wondering why you're so wasted.
3. Your fellow alcoholic friends are just as ****ed as you. Don't worry if you lose them. They'll lose you happily. Quitting makes them feel bad.
4. Alcoholics are often cool smart people. Usually damaged. Never completely give up on them. But understand them. They lie.
5. Try not to do drugs especially cocaine which is the peanut butter and jelly of alcohol. You won't eat. You'll drink twice as much. Next day is horrible. Also confusing because you were convinced you could save the world. Awful.
6. Alcoholics lie. Nuff said
7. You'll eventually lose your driving license. Don't **** me. Of course you drive 'impaired". See rule 6
8. Even weekends in jail suck. Trust me. It's a whole lot of hate. And you have about as much street cred as a crooked accountant.
9. You will cross that line from functioning to non. It's an ugly place and is completely unpredictable when it happens. 2 years? 40?
10. Your work might suck but calling in sick after drinking a Mickey of vodka when you woke up isn't because you didn't get a raise. They WILL though eventually fire your unreliable alcoholic self.
11. Don't make fun of this line. You drink the bottle. Then the bottle drinks you. It does. Alcohol is a cruel mistress when you are an alcoholic.
12. You'll get fat. Really fat. Or weirdly skinny with a very non sexy little beer belly. Either way you'll look like ****.
13. Try AA. It's a good program. Not for all but most. Just give it a try.
14. You'll hurt your family. Believe me they know. They just either love you or are so dysfunctional and embarrassed by your behaviour they protect you. Either way you're the asshole.
15. No one thinks a drunk is sexy ( for the youngsters) and bad things happen to passed out girls.


Unfortunately I'm not giving you this information as a recovered person. But I'm going to try again. Never give up. It's a ****ty disease. Anyone willing to help?

[MajestyJo]

Thank you for sharing. You have to be willing to quit to begin with. I had to pray for the willingness to quit. Then when I got the willingness to quit, I could take it a step further, and say, "Just for today, I choose not to use people, places and things." One day at a time, I am willing to go to any length to stay sober. Sobriety is soundness of mind. That was my goal, because I found out that I don't have a drinking problem or an addiction to pills, I had a thinking problem that told me to pick them up to deal with life. It doesn't work. All I did was compound my misery.

I went from an extrovert to an introvert. Every time I picked up, I lost a piece of myself and when I found recovery, there wasn't much 'me' left.

The 12 Steps were stepping stones to a new way of life. It was okay to be me. I didn't have to abuse myself or others any more. I found the freedom of recovery. Free from active addiction. Free to be myself. Free to live each day without the use of drugs and handle life on life's terms. Some times it sucked, sometimes it was joyful, sometimes it was depressing, some times it felt glorious, and no matter what happened, I didn't have to pick up.

Isolation doesn't work. It is part of my disease. I like to say, "I was at dis-ease within myself and looked for things outside of myself to make me happy." In recovery, I am told, "Let it begin with me." Look within myself and I will find the answers to all my questions. As I told my sponsor, "But I don't know what the questions are." That is okay, I just kept going to meetings. I took the body and the mind followed.

One day at a time, I choose not to drink. I have to acknowledge m feelings, I may feel like having a drink, but I don't have to act on that feeling. I can pause, say the Serenity Prayer, with meaning, and ask for help to get through the time until the feeling passes. Get a sponsor use one. Get a home group and get active. The program works if you work for it.

Have a happy 24 hours. The day isn't 2-4 hours, it is for 24 hours. One day at a time!

[mmacto]

Thank you. I've spent years trying to be' normal' I can quit. Months on end but when I start again. Fine a few days. Then....well you know. I know in my heart but I keep thinking I can beat this

[MajestyJo]

Why would you want to be normal? It is much more fun to be a recovering alcoholic/addict. We are not saints it says in the Big Book. I use to say, under my breath, "Speak for yourself."

We don't metabolize alcohol the way normal people do. It is as simple as that. We have an allergy and a compulsive/obsessive state of mind, that we treat one day at a time by going to meetings. When you get tired of meetings, go to more meetings. If you don't want to go to a meeting, don't walk, run to the nearest meeting.

We are a fellowship of people, living a spiritual life, one day at a time. I was heard a pastor of a church say at an AA group anniversary, "I wish the people upstairs had what the people downstairs in the basement had."

We are not a religious program, it is a spiritual one. We are not askng you to give up your religious beliefs or lack of belief, we just ask you to accept those who think differently than you. Don't leave anyone outside the circle. It is a spiritual program that offers recovery to people of ALL religions.

I answered your two posts. I would suggest that your pay and ask for the willingness to be willing to quit. As for the obsession to be removed from you. For some it takes a while, while others white knuckle it until they build up a relationship with the God of THEIR understanding. For me, God is as He reveals Himself to me in today. I just had to look at my day, and know that my God was with me in my walk today. I suffer from chronic pain. There are times I am gifted a window of time where there is none. If I fall by the wayside, like I did tonight, I have got major foot pain while I am typing this.

We are our own worst enemy. Drugs and alcohol where our best friend. Then they became our worst enemy and they no longer worked for us, and often we went on to others things and our drug of choice became more.

Welcome to the site. Wishing you a 24 hour of sobriety (soundness of mind).

The deer says, "Be gentle with yourself." Don't beat yourself up. All we are asked to do is try. The failure isn't in the relapse. The failure is in not trying again.

[mmacto]

Thank you. I hope your foot feels better.

[MajestyJo]

Thank you it does. As the slogan says, "This too shall pass." I put ice on it.

[MajestyJo]

My list:

12 Reasons Why I Love Being Sober

I discovered recently that my sober life is so much more interesting than my life of drinking. The following are a few funny, but simple reasons why I love being sober:

1. If you go to a meeting every night, you get to spend time with your friends and hear the craziest stories. I’ve never heard better stories than the ones told in a recovery meeting. You also get free bagels occasionally

2. I always try to stay away from events where there is drinking, but when I am forced to be around other people that are active alcoholics, I get a sober view of the night’s events. My first thought is “I hope they get help.” My second thought is “I hope they don’t do what I think they’re going to do!” Never a dull moment.

3. When I was drinking, I would always hear someone say “You can sleep when you’re dead!”. Now, I sleep because I’m tired, not because I’m hungover from the 24 hour party that just occurred the night before. I am no longer forced to pull an all nighter with 20 other people wondering if I’m going to remember what happened the next day.

4. I never have to worry about drinking and driving. I’ll never have to call a cab because I drank too much ice tea.

5. I am always in control of what I say and do. I never have to worry about regretting something I said because I lost control of my verbal filter.

6. My relationships with people are not superficial. I have deeper, more meaningful relationships with friends and family.

7. I save a ton of money. No more ordering expensive bottles of wine with dinner or buying ridiculously expensive mixed drinks. Instead, I’ll save that money for a rainy day or a nice vacation.

8. I deal with problems with clarity instead of drowning them in a bottle of vodka, a bottle of wine or a twelve pack of Corona.

9. I do not have to wonder why there is a person laying in my front yard from the party the night before.

10. I no longer have to deal with obnoxious drunk people and better yet, I am no longer the obnoxious drunk person!

11. I don’t miss work because of hangovers.

12. Last but not least, I have peace. Something that I have never found at the bottom of a bottle.

Life is a beautiful thing when lived with clarity, understanding and a sober perspective.

[bluidkiti]

Jo, When you said:

We are not saints it says in the Big Book. I use to say, under my breath, "Speak for yourself."

it reminded me of when I first came to AA and read 2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. Restore me to sanity I thought. Well, that would mean I was insane and I am not insane. Little did I know more would be revealed to me along the way and I would realize just how insane I was. lol

[MajestyJo]

Lost my post. My friend use to say, "The Big Book says 'could be restored to sanity' it doesn't say it always would be restored. Maybe we are the ones who are unredeemable, I am not sure if he has been or not. He is highly intelligent, and often too smart for his own good.

At one year, I didn't know who God was and went on a spiritual quest looking to make a personal relationship with my HP and He is as He reveals Himself to me in today. In today, it is a nice kind of crazy, not the insanity of when I was using.

[BBJohn]

Originally Posted by mmacto

I kind of love how alcoholics think. Man it's a bunch of work being one. ..
13. Try AA. It's a good program. Not for all but most. Just give it a try.

Yep, totally get it and agree with what you said.
I first came to AA not to stop drinking, but because it was such hard work and I just wanted all the sh** to go away.
I have relapsed more times than I can count over the last 15+ years, but do know with no doubt AA works. When I do what is suggested, go to Meetings regularly, do a bit of service, try and practice the principles in all my affairs I stay sober and life gets better it really does. But I'm lazy, after a while I slack off with meetings, don't do service, don't speak to others in recovery and sooner or later crash, and its never fun as I think it was once, but probably wasn't really.
Really hope you can find your road to recovery, I was told so many years ago if I put half the effort into my recovery that I put into my drinking and using I would be fine, and have a great life. Today is 28 days sober, and man if I can do it...
Wishing you well