ARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! - Bluidkiti's Alcohol and Drug Addictions Recovery Help/Support Forums

india · 12-02-2014, 11:41 PM

my EGO, my PRIDE!! Lord, have mercy on me... just when I think I've let it go BAM! I snatch it back. Recently, I was "sent packing" by a sponsee. bottom line? she really didn't wan't to hear the suggestions that I made to her, not demands but suggestions. I am some what of a gentle sponser, not some Nazi BB thumper (no offense to those who are because we NEED you for those of us who are not). suffice it to say, I DID learn a LOT from her, about me. sometimes painful, but for the most part joyful as I as able to work it "all over from the beginning once again" (BB and 12 & 12) with someone who had a rudimentary understanding of AA and its interiors. HP put me in her path for many reason's and I truly believe my "sponsorship" work with her as a whole is done, for now. I now see that I am but a touchstone to her, a friend and a more deeply committed friend than perhaps I was before.

at first, my ego was hit. then my pride. 2 of my (most personal and somewhat embarrassing) deadliest sins. I now see that this is truly an opportunity for me to grow and learn about INDIA regarding my pride and ego, (and obviously other things as well) which I once thought was in check. boy oh boy was I wrong. and thank you HP

for setting me straight and giving me another 24 hours on which to work these character defects of mine on.

many thanks to all who took time out of their day to read this missive. just the "act" of "putting it "out there", sharing my personal struggles makes me feel better and less alone. to thine own self is true, right?

Namaste,
india

MajestyJo · 12-03-2014, 01:28 AM

Thank you for sharing. Been there, done it wore the T-shirt. You can't be an AA sponsor, if they don't want to work any kind of program. One wouldn't go to meetings, a couple wouldn't do any step work, one got pregnant and clean to take a break, when her child was a year or so, she would relapse and go back out, and come back in and get pregnant again. She had 4 children and didn't live to have her 5th.

I too went to my sponsor because I felt like I had failed as a sponsor and should have done more. I had a girl call me her sponsor, would come to the meeting in the morning, cross the street and go the the bar at noon and introduce me to everyone as her sponsor. I know I helped these women, but more importantly, they helped me. I stayed clean and sober.

My sponsor told me that we don't take the credit if they stay sober or if they relapse. We are powerless over people, places, and things. We do not have the power. All we can do is share our experience, strength and hope and what worked for us. Me, I was willing to try anything, using was not an option. I learned long ago that substitution doesn't work.

I saw too many people using pill, pot, food, religion, and gambling maintenance only to relapse, and if they were fortunate, they made it back to the doors of recovery. I have a dear friend who is very addicted to scratch tickets and casinos. I let go of my last AA sponsor because her addictions and her AA program was lacking the kind of principles that I wanted in my life. It all leads to the same soul sickness. I had to detach, I just don't want that kind of person in my life, sober or not. She has 24 years sober.

My first sponsor fired me and I asked her to take me back. I later fired her after hearing her say to someone, "I'm an alcoholic, what do you expect?" My thought was, "I expect you to work your program, apply the Steps and work through it." I still speak with her and talk to her in today, she just isn't my sponsor.

I have this posted on the board, but I have to smile about the 'ego' (easing God out). I got up at my group, sharing my story for a three year anniversary, and said, "I just found out that I have an ego, I thought it was a man thing." The looks on the faces was priceless. There were about 50 people there and about 40 of them men.

india · 12-03-2014, 01:19 PM

thank you Jo for sharing your own experience strength and hope with me. all that you said has been said to me at one time or another, but having it ALL said at the same time (lol) was a doozy, and a good one at that. I copied and pasted it into a recovery folder I have on my desktop to be looked at frequently. I DO know that when I am working someone else's recovery or program harder than they are, not only am I doing a disservice to them, I am doing a disservice to myself. all I can do from my end is pray for her as I pray for myself and the alcoholic who still suffers. thanks again, jo... as usual, you are a welcome beam of strength and joy in my life and BOY! do I LOVE my LIFE!!

AzmtnBkr1 · 10-19-2016, 08:55 AM

Sometimes the most powerful thing we can do is, STFU and LISTEN.

12-02-2014, 11:41 PM	#1
india Junior Member Join Date: Oct 2014 Location: Maine Posts: 12	ARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! my EGO, my PRIDE!! Lord, have mercy on me... just when I think I've let it go BAM! I snatch it back. Recently, I was "sent packing" by a sponsee. bottom line? she really didn't wan't to hear the suggestions that I made to her, not demands but suggestions. I am some what of a gentle sponser, not some Nazi BB thumper (no offense to those who are because we NEED you for those of us who are not). suffice it to say, I DID learn a LOT from her, about me. sometimes painful, but for the most part joyful as I as able to work it "all over from the beginning once again" (BB and 12 & 12) with someone who had a rudimentary understanding of AA and its interiors. HP put me in her path for many reason's and I truly believe my "sponsorship" work with her as a whole is done, for now. I now see that I am but a touchstone to her, a friend and a more deeply committed friend than perhaps I was before. at first, my ego was hit. then my pride. 2 of my (most personal and somewhat embarrassing) deadliest sins. I now see that this is truly an opportunity for me to grow and learn about INDIA regarding my pride and ego, (and obviously other things as well) which I once thought was in check. boy oh boy was I wrong. and thank you HP for setting me straight and giving me another 24 hours on which to work these character defects of mine on. many thanks to all who took time out of their day to read this missive. just the "act" of "putting it "out there", sharing my personal struggles makes me feel better and less alone. to thine own self is true, right? Namaste, india

12-03-2014, 01:28 AM	#2
MajestyJo Super Moderator Join Date: Aug 2013 Location: Hamilton, ON Posts: 25,078	Thank you for sharing. Been there, done it wore the T-shirt. You can't be an AA sponsor, if they don't want to work any kind of program. One wouldn't go to meetings, a couple wouldn't do any step work, one got pregnant and clean to take a break, when her child was a year or so, she would relapse and go back out, and come back in and get pregnant again. She had 4 children and didn't live to have her 5th. I too went to my sponsor because I felt like I had failed as a sponsor and should have done more. I had a girl call me her sponsor, would come to the meeting in the morning, cross the street and go the the bar at noon and introduce me to everyone as her sponsor. I know I helped these women, but more importantly, they helped me. I stayed clean and sober. My sponsor told me that we don't take the credit if they stay sober or if they relapse. We are powerless over people, places, and things. We do not have the power. All we can do is share our experience, strength and hope and what worked for us. Me, I was willing to try anything, using was not an option. I learned long ago that substitution doesn't work. I saw too many people using pill, pot, food, religion, and gambling maintenance only to relapse, and if they were fortunate, they made it back to the doors of recovery. I have a dear friend who is very addicted to scratch tickets and casinos. I let go of my last AA sponsor because her addictions and her AA program was lacking the kind of principles that I wanted in my life. It all leads to the same soul sickness. I had to detach, I just don't want that kind of person in my life, sober or not. She has 24 years sober. My first sponsor fired me and I asked her to take me back. I later fired her after hearing her say to someone, "I'm an alcoholic, what do you expect?" My thought was, "I expect you to work your program, apply the Steps and work through it." I still speak with her and talk to her in today, she just isn't my sponsor. I have this posted on the board, but I have to smile about the 'ego' (easing God out). I got up at my group, sharing my story for a three year anniversary, and said, "I just found out that I have an ego, I thought it was a man thing." The looks on the faces was priceless. There were about 50 people there and about 40 of them men. __________________ Love always, Jo I share because I care.

12-03-2014, 01:19 PM	#3
india Junior Member Join Date: Oct 2014 Location: Maine Posts: 12	thank you Jo thank you Jo for sharing your own experience strength and hope with me. all that you said has been said to me at one time or another, but having it ALL said at the same time (lol) was a doozy, and a good one at that. I copied and pasted it into a recovery folder I have on my desktop to be looked at frequently. I DO know that when I am working someone else's recovery or program harder than they are, not only am I doing a disservice to them, I am doing a disservice to myself. all I can do from my end is pray for her as I pray for myself and the alcoholic who still suffers. thanks again, jo... as usual, you are a welcome beam of strength and joy in my life and BOY! do I LOVE my LIFE!!

10-19-2016, 08:55 AM	#4
AzmtnBkr1 Junior Member Join Date: Oct 2016 Posts: 14	Sometimes the most powerful thing we can do is, STFU and LISTEN. __________________ Someday - code for NEVER!

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