You know it’s a bad day when. . .

[bluidkiti]

You know it’s a bad day when:

You call your answering service and they tell you it’s none of your business.

You put on your pants backwards and they fit better.

Your horn accidentally goes off and remains stuck as you follow a group of Hell’s angel’s on the freeway

You sink your teeth into a beautiful steak and they stay there.

The worst player on the golf course wants to play you for money.

Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.

Your 4-year-old tells you that it's almost impossible to flush a grapefruit down the toilet.

You realize that you just sprayed spot remover under your arms instead of deodorant.

You discover that your 12-year-old's idea of humor is putting crazy glue in your Preparation H.

You start to put up the clothes you wore home from the party last night....... and there aren't any.

It costs more to fill up your car than it did to buy it.

You wake up to the soothing sound of running water...and remember that you just bought a waterbed.

Everyone avoids you the morning after the company office party.

You wake up and your braces are stuck together.

Your blind date turns out to be your ex-wife/ex-husband.

Your income tax refund check bounces.

You put both contact lenses in the same eye.

You need one bathroom scale for each foot.

You call your wife and tell her that you would like to eat out tonight and when you get home there is a sandwich on the front porch.

The restaurant check has been on the table for ten minutes...and no one has touched it.

Nothing you own is actually paid for.

You go on your honeymoon to a remote little hotel and the desk clerk, bell hop, and manager have a "Welcome Back" party for your new spouse.

Airline food starts to taste good.

Your doctor tells you that you are allergic to chocolate chip cookies.

Your cat abandons the nice box you prepared for her and has her kittens in your dresser drawer.

You realize that the phone number on the bathroom wall of the bar is yours.

Your kids start treating you the same way you treated your parents.

The gypsy fortune teller offers to refund your money.

People think you are 40...and you really are.

Your new lover calls to tell you "Last night was terrific." and you remember that you were home by yourself.

Everyone is laughing but you.

[MajestyJo]

An Italian Garden

An old Italian lived alone in Chicago . He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, as the ground was hard.

His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

Dear Vincent,

I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over.. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.

Love, Papa

A few days later he received a letter from his son.


Dear Pop,

Don't dig up that garden. That's where the bodies are buried.

Love,
Vinnie


At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.


That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Pop,

Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances.

Love you,
Vinnie

[MajestyJo]

Manure... An interesting fact

Manure: In the 16th and 17th centuries, everything had to be transported by ship and it was also before commercial fertilizers invention, so large shipments of manure were common.



It was shipped dry, because in dry form it weighed a lot less than when wet, but once water (at sea) hit it, it not only became heavier, but the process of fermentation began again, of which a by product is methane gas. As the stuff was stored below decks in bundles you can see what could (and did) happen.
Methane began to build up below decks and the first time someone came below at night with a lantern, BOOOOM!




Several ships were destroyed in this manner before it was determined just what was happening

After that, the bundles of manure were always stamped with the term ' Ship High In Transit ' on them, which meant for the sailors to stow it high enough off the lower decks so that any water that came into the hold would not touch this volatile cargo and start the production of methane.


Thus evolved the term ' S.H.I.T ' , (Ship High In Transit) which has come down through the centuries and is in use to this very day.

You probably did not know the true history of this word.

Neither did I.

I had always thought it was a golf term.

Received from my friend Mike. For me, I thought it was a dart term!