Hello - Bluidkiti's Alcohol and Drug Addictions Recovery Help/Support Forums

kgruben · 10-30-2014, 02:45 PM

I am in Al-Anon. My husband has been an alcoholic since he was 17. He was sober for 7 years and relapsed in October of 2013. I left him in February, the day of my mother's funeral. I filed for divorce the day after, which I know now was a mistake. He went through detox last week and is in a in-patient treatment center for 4 weeks. I miss him so much. My son and I couldn't take anymore of the verbal abuse or controlling behaviors. I have learned a lot since leaving. I enjoy doing puzzles, visiting with my daughter and grand babies and reading a lot. I don't know if my husband and I have a chance but I hope so. We've caused each other so much pain. I'm working on forgiving him and learning the roll I played in all of this. Thank you for listening and have a great day!!

MajestyJo · 10-30-2014, 04:02 PM

Welcome kgruben, thank you for sharing. We have to go through what we went through to get to where we are in today. You can't help someone until they are willing to change, and as you know from Al-Anon, sobriety brings a new perspective on things.

May I suggest you live in today and let go of the should have, could haves, of yesterday. You are as powerless now as you were then, even if he is sober today. You need to allow your ex-husband time to heal.

Have you looked at your side of the street, during your marriage. Marriage is a two way street. Don't put your life on hold waiting for it to happen.

We need to be complete and whole within ourselves and have that person in our life because we want them there, not because we need them there. Two needy people doesn't make for a healthy relationship.

I pray all goes well for you.

kgruben · 10-31-2014, 10:51 AM

I have been exploring my part in his alcoholism and the break up of our marriage. I used to think it was all his fault but as I continue my reading about the alcoholic marriage I understand more the role I played. I'm learning more and more as I go.

MajestyJo · 10-31-2014, 11:13 AM

Thanks for sharing, I stayed sick for a long time because I played the blame game for a long time. It was my dad's fault and my ex-husband(s) fault, not mine. Each relationship I got into after my marriages, carried the sins of my past, because I carried them with me because I never dealt with them, because it was always about them and never about me. It was always about the drink and never about the person. Even my son, who is in active addiction told me, "You never look at me behind my addiction mom." All you see is my disease! That was a big awakening for me, because I had to look at my own disease.

The 12 Steps are applicable to all areas of my life. There is a lot of material on the site, if you have any questions, please don't hesitate to ask or send me a private message.

10-30-2014, 02:45 PM	#1
kgruben Junior Member Join Date: Oct 2014 Location: Texas Posts: 2	Hello I am in Al-Anon. My husband has been an alcoholic since he was 17. He was sober for 7 years and relapsed in October of 2013. I left him in February, the day of my mother's funeral. I filed for divorce the day after, which I know now was a mistake. He went through detox last week and is in a in-patient treatment center for 4 weeks. I miss him so much. My son and I couldn't take anymore of the verbal abuse or controlling behaviors. I have learned a lot since leaving. I enjoy doing puzzles, visiting with my daughter and grand babies and reading a lot. I don't know if my husband and I have a chance but I hope so. We've caused each other so much pain. I'm working on forgiving him and learning the roll I played in all of this. Thank you for listening and have a great day!!

10-30-2014, 04:02 PM	#2
MajestyJo Super Moderator Join Date: Aug 2013 Location: Hamilton, ON Posts: 25,078	Welcome kgruben, thank you for sharing. We have to go through what we went through to get to where we are in today. You can't help someone until they are willing to change, and as you know from Al-Anon, sobriety brings a new perspective on things. May I suggest you live in today and let go of the should have, could haves, of yesterday. You are as powerless now as you were then, even if he is sober today. You need to allow your ex-husband time to heal. Have you looked at your side of the street, during your marriage. Marriage is a two way street. Don't put your life on hold waiting for it to happen. We need to be complete and whole within ourselves and have that person in our life because we want them there, not because we need them there. Two needy people doesn't make for a healthy relationship. I pray all goes well for you. __________________ Love always, Jo I share because I care.

10-31-2014, 10:51 AM	#3
kgruben Junior Member Join Date: Oct 2014 Location: Texas Posts: 2	Thank u I have been exploring my part in his alcoholism and the break up of our marriage. I used to think it was all his fault but as I continue my reading about the alcoholic marriage I understand more the role I played. I'm learning more and more as I go.

10-31-2014, 11:13 AM	#4
MajestyJo Super Moderator Join Date: Aug 2013 Location: Hamilton, ON Posts: 25,078	Thanks for sharing, I stayed sick for a long time because I played the blame game for a long time. It was my dad's fault and my ex-husband(s) fault, not mine. Each relationship I got into after my marriages, carried the sins of my past, because I carried them with me because I never dealt with them, because it was always about them and never about me. It was always about the drink and never about the person. Even my son, who is in active addiction told me, "You never look at me behind my addiction mom." All you see is my disease! That was a big awakening for me, because I had to look at my own disease. The 12 Steps are applicable to all areas of my life. There is a lot of material on the site, if you have any questions, please don't hesitate to ask or send me a private message. __________________ Love always, Jo I share because I care.

Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)