Today's Thought - October

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October 1

God gave burdens, also shoulders.
--Yiddish proverb

Some days we wake up, and we know we can't get out of bed. We lie there, trying to force ourselves, but none of the usual motivations work. We may be depressed, we may be grieving, or we may simply be tired. It's hard to resist the temptation to believe that everyone else is functioning with ease. They all show up for work. What's wrong with me? The more frantic we become, the more likely we may lapse into old ways of thinking and behaving in order to get moving.

If we feel we can't get out of bed, there's usually a good reason why. We can give ourselves permission to discover it. By being honest, we will discover how to take care of ourselves. Maybe it's a day to stop and nurture ourselves, not force ourselves to keep going. Only we know what we really need. We do not have to compare ourselves to others or apologize for what we are going through. Instead, we can be gentle, giving our bodies, emotions, and spirits what they require. We can turn the day over to God's will.

I pray for the willingness to make this a day of healing. I will be part of my own renewal.



You are reading from the book:

Answers in the Heart by Anonymous

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October 2

THE EVOLVING RELATIONSHIP

.... open up to hope and new possibilities...

Some mornings we may awaken filled with thoughts of what is wrong in our lives. Perhaps we obsess about our failures or the limits of our relationships. If we let ourselves sink into self-loathing, we build a wall that separates us from those things that nurture us and give us joy.

When we awaken to the living and growing world, our spirits lift and open up to hope and new possibilities. Walking along an old sidewalk or across an abandoned parking lot, we see cracks in the concrete or asphalt and new green growth pushing through. Where there is enough soil to hold a seed, there is the possibility of a tree someday. The universe seizes opportunities for renewal that slip through the slightest opening. There is always hope for renewal in our relationships when we are willing to plant the seeds and feed them so they can grow.

Name an experience that has shown you the seeds for new growth.

You are reading from the book:

The More We Find In Each Other by Merle Fossum and Mavis Fossum

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October 3

It is impossible that anything should be produced if there were nothing existing before.
--Aristotle

Everything comes from something. All the organic compounds in our world come from four elements: carbon, hydrogen, oxygen, and nitrogen. From these simple ingredients have developed the marvelous chains of self-replicating proteins that fill the planet with jungles, gardens, farms, the swarming life of the sea, and four billion people.

Each of us contains all human possibilities within ourselves. Nothing that we do comes from nowhere; we all have the capacity for great goodness as well as great selfishness and blindness. The choice, at every moment, is ours. What will we use out of our formidable repertoire of responses?

Most of us have a pattern of response that we are comfortable with. Our habitual behavior saves us from the discomfort of always having to make a choice. But in exchange for comfort, we give up a little bit of our spontaneity. Every once in a while, it's good for us to become aware of what our habits are, and what determines our usual behavior.

Today I'll take myself off automatic pilot and navigate the whole course in person.

You are reading from the book:

The Promise of a New Day by Karen Casey and Martha Vanceburg

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October 4

I like not only to be loved, but also to be told that I am loved . . . the realm of silence is large enough beyond the grave.
--George Eliot

We've all heard many times that we must love ourselves if we're ever to love another. Too often we mistakenly think that means we shouldn't need to hear someone's affirmation of love. That assumption is wrong. Praise from others builds our self-confidence, keeps us on track, aware of how we're presenting ourselves moment by moment.

But many of us didn't develop healthy egos in our youth because we didn't get feedback that affirmed us. We didn't hear we were loved. As adults, we're scrambling to feel confident, to feel sure of our direction and our value to society. And we're hoping to hear we're loved. We can be certain someone close will be helped by hearing our words of love.

There's no time like the present for sharing love.

You are reading from the book:

Worthy of Love by Karen Casey

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October 5

Children do not know how their parents love them, and they never will till the grave closes over those parents, or till they have children of their own.
--Edmund Vance Cooks

As adults, we may feel we were cheated out of a "normal" childhood because of our parents' emotional, physical, or spiritual failings. We may think they should never be forgiven for their actions or inactions when we were young.

Yet imagine what our lives would be like today if we did not forgive. We would be bitter, stomping angrily through life with a clipboard in hand, ready to write down the name of the next person who crosses us. It's time to throw away the clipboard and the names on it - including the names of our parents.

The program teaches us to love those who come into our lives, even if we don't like them. It teaches us forgiveness through our Higher Power. We do not have to like our parents, but we can love them. By the same token, we need to realize our parents love us in their special way. They aren't perfect - and neither are we.

Help me remember my parents did the best they could with what they had. That's all anyone can really do.

You are reading from the book:

Night Light by Amy E. Dean

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October 6

The Four "A's"

Dear God, I have learned to live within my limitations and to live up to my capacities as I grow in recovery. As I try to practice the principles of our Program, I will accept the truth that I seek progress and not spiritual perfection. I pray to admit my limitations and remind myself I am only human. I have quit trying to play God.

When I take my inventory and remember the Four "A's" - Acceptance, Awareness, Action, and Attitude – I continue learning to live within my limitations and to live up to my capabilities.

You are reading from the book:

The 12 Step Prayer Book Volume 2 by Bill P. and Lisa D.

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October 7

Flowers, Not Weeds

When addiction took hold of my son, it grew and spread like a thick, thorny vine, twisting and turning and choking him tight. But it didn't stop there. It kept right on creeping. It crept and crawled its way into my mind, making me sick too. In an Alice in Wonderland kind of way, my sickness is a distorted reflection of his sickness. How sick is that?

I faded, I weakened. I lost my sense of self. Blamed, judged, and berated, I became consumed by the guilt and negative thoughts heaped on me by both myself and others. My common sense and rational thought became warped.

The truth is, negative thoughts and negative people can't take root in my life if I don't let them. My life is like a garden-what grows here is in my control. Unwelcome seeds may drift in on the wind, and renegade runners may sneak in under the fence, but I can pull out the things I don't want in order to make room for the flowers.

Stop watering the weeds in your life and start watering the flowers.
Anonymous

You are reading from the book:

Tending Dandelions by Sandra Swenson

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October 8

Listening and Sharing

"I've found that many of my painful experiences with others are the result of past memories," stated a friend.

"Often I'm not reacting so much to what is going on between me and another person right at the time; I'm responding to some previous wound or hurt from my past that hasn't quite healed. Let me give you an example of what I mean.

"Just the other day, a friend of mine said she needed some time to herself and didn't want to see me for a week. Well, rather than accept her statement, I was hurt. I immediately thought of a past friendship I had helped destroy by being too possessive and demanding. I thought I was making the same mistake again and that my present girl friend was trying to get rid of me, too. I felt so defeated I couldn't respond. I just sat there stunned and tried not to cry.

"My friend was uncomfortable with my change in attitude, but since I wasn't able to communicate what I was feeling, she left feeling at loose ends, too."

"Thank goodness I had enough sense to call her and share my unsettling feelings a day or two after that experience. I found my friend wasn't rejecting me at all. She really did need some time to herself."

Today I will not allow past, painful memories to cripple my current relationships. When I am hurt or confused, I will talk out my feelings and reactions before I make harsh criticisms or assume another's motives.

You are reading from the book:

The Reflecting Pond by Liane Cordes

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October 9

I would be honest, for there are those who trust me.
--Howard Arnold Walter

Some of those around us seem to see only the good in us. They trust and respect us, even when we ourselves may not feel we deserve it.

A young girl once talked about her grandfather. She said, "He was the only person in my life who saw the good in me." She mentioned that she sought to please her grandfather and not disappoint the trust which he placed in her. He brought out the best in her because of the way that he looked at her. Each of us can be like this grandfather by focusing on the good in other people. We can use our spiritual eyes to see love, honesty, trustworthiness, and unselfishness in the heart of another. As we look for the good, we are doing our part to help create it.

Do I see the good in those around me right now?

You are reading from the book:

Today's Gift by Anonymous

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October 10

I cannot give you the formula for success, but I can give you the formula for failure - try to please everybody.
--Herbert Bayard Swope

Principles are rules or codes of conduct we set for ourselves; like being honest, striving to be on time, and taking responsibility for bills and expenses. It is up to us to abide by these principles.

When we compromise a principle for someone else's benefit, we jeopardize the strength of that principle and its importance to us. If we want to be honest, then lying to cover up another's actions compromises that principle. If we want to be on time and someone makes demands that cause us to arrive late, we have compromised ourselves and let someone else's desire dominate.

We need to set certain standards for ourselves and abide by them, even if another person will not be pleased. To let principles trump over the demands and desires of another is a victory for our inner peace. If we are true to ourselves, we will learn we can count on ourselves no matter what.

Is anyone making demands upon my principles? Help me be true to myself and not make compromises I will regret.

You are reading from the book:

Night Light by Amy E. Dean

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October 11

Becoming forgiving

The lack of a forgiving spirit hurts our spiritual progress. Being unforgiving causes resentment, which is always a danger to our new way of life.

We have learned that if we forgive, we will be forgiven; but if we do not forgive, we will not be forgiven. So it seems we are just hurting ourselves by not forgiving others.

Am I forgiving?

Higher Power, help me forgive each person I need to forgive today.

You are reading from the book:

Day by Day - Second Edition by Anonymous

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October 12

Give to the world the best you have and the best will come back to you.
--Madeline Bridges

Sometimes we feel lazy or bored, and then we don't do our best work. Perhaps we are daydreaming instead of listening closely to what a friend is trying to tell us. When we are not really paying attention to our activities or the people around us, we'll likely miss out on something important because we do receive in equal measure what we give. And this truth works in every aspect of our lives.

When we treat our friends, our families, even people we don't know well with kindness, we'll experience kindness in return. Our own actions and attitudes toward others are what we can expect from others as well.

You are reading from the book:

Today's Gift by Anonymous

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October 13

I had an easy life growing up. I was not serious, and I'm trying to make up for it now.
-- Tom Harding

How we define an easy life may differ because everything is relative. Some of us were raised in prosperous homes, which might have meant we weren't required to seek work or do chores around the house. But that kind of privilege didn't guarantee an easy life. Wealth doesn't eliminate the possibility for abuse of many forms.

To some, the easy life simply means there was little stress, few problems to contend with. Parents were supportive; school work came easy; friends really cared about us. Maybe we feel lucky if that's how our lives evolved, or maybe we are like Tom and feel now that we need to make up for our lives of privilege. Let's seek the counsel of others if that's the case. It's okay to have had the easy route. That doesn't mean we have to pay for it now.

The important element is that we spend the present however we really want to. If we want to be more serious, that's acceptable. If we want to be lazy, that's okay too. If we want to have a positive impact on someone else's life, perhaps someone who had a harder life than we experienced, that's admirable, but not necessary. No one is grading us.

Today I'm free. The past isn't of concern unless I make it so.

You are reading from the book:

Keepers of the Wisdom by Karen Casey

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October 14

Where Love and Addiction Meet

The first time my child reached his dimpled little hand out for mine, I was there. And I've tried to be there every time he's reached out to me-and even when he hasn't-ever since. Until, that is, my child became an addict. Addiction has made such a mess of things that I'm no longer sure if I should be within range when he reaches out (or even when he doesn't).

I don't know if my help is hurting this child of mine. I don't know if I should stay silent or speak up. I'm not sure how to love without doing the things that seem loving, or where to put the dreams and conversations and hugs that have gone unused and are piling up. I don't know how to fill my empty arms, or where to put my love for this child who says he hates me. My heart doesn't understand this place where love and addiction meet-it's all confused about what it means to be my son's mom.

I cannot be there for my child in the way life intended, but my love will always be there whenever he reaches out-and even when he doesn't.

I mean, it is the most impossible love . . . it's absolutely fine for me to teach you how to walk and talk, and then you grow up and you head off in the wrong direction toward a cliff. And I'm supposed to just stand there and wave.
Because I Said So

You are reading from the book:

Tending Dandelions by Sandra Swenson

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October 15

It is only with the heart that one can see rightly....
--Antoine de Saint Exupery

If we look at the world through suspicious or angry eyes, we'll find a world that mirrors our expectations -- a world where tension will mount, arguments will abound, strife will be present where none need be. However, our experiences in some manner bless us, and we'll recognize that if we look upon them with gratitude. Everything in our path is meant for our good and we'll see the good when our hearts act as the eyes for our minds.

When we see with our hearts, our responses to the turmoil around us, the fighting children, the traffic snarls, the angry lovers, will be soft acceptance. When our hearts guide the action we can accept those things we cannot change, and change those we can. And the heart, as the seat of all wisdom, will always know the difference.

You are reading from the book:

Worthy of Love by Karen Casey