Wisdom Of The Rooms - 2014

[bluidkiti]

January 6

Quote of the Week

"The only thing an alcoholic does in moderation is work the steps."

Whenever I hear this quote in a meeting, it brings the house down with a chorus of identifying laughter. We certainly know how to go to any lengths when it comes to relationships, a new hobby or project, going to the gym, avoiding the gym, even work or our careers sometimes, but when it comes to something that may restore us to sanity - we wouldn't want to rush into anything...

And boy can this get us into trouble. Just this week I worked myself into a frenzy with my business, and then I put a tremendous amount of pressure on myself to complete all the parts of the second volume of these quotes until I reached a breaking point, making myself and all those around me crazy. Completely spun out, I went to my Friday night meeting, and a friend suggested I might be into self-will. And that's when I surrendered.

I'm so grateful to have other people in my life who understand the obsessiveness of this disease and can remind me to let go and let God. While I may not obsessively pursue recovery (and I'm not sure that would be such a good idea anyway), whenever I do work my program, it works on me by restoring balance, perspective and sanity to my life.

Working my steps may be the only thing I do in moderation, but thank God I do it consistently enough to keep me sober and to keep me coming back.

[bluidkiti]

January 13

Quote of the Week

"I don't react to the present the way I reacted to the past."

Last week I had a God shot that revealed the miracle of recovery in my life. An emotionally charged situation came up that used to trigger a wounded, withdrawn and resentful reaction, but as it unfolded I noticed something wonderful happening inside me - I was aware that I could choose a different, healthy way of responding. What a change that was!

Before recovery, I was a literal slave to the old, hurtful wounds of my past. I was like Pavlov's dogs - as soon as a stimulus was presented, I reacted automatically, and my reactions almost always made the situation worse. Not only was I not aware that I had a choice, I also had no idea there might be a better, more appropriate way of responding. And that's what the miracle of recovery has given me.

Through years of working the program, running my thinking and ideas by my sponsor before I took action, and praying for an intuitive idea or the right action and then waiting for inspiration, I have developed the space to consider my options and then choose the most appropriate way of responding. This new way of reacting has freed me, and allowed me to live a happier, healthier and more fulfilled life.

Today, I don't react to the present the way I reacted to the past.

[bluidkiti]

January 20

Quote of the Week

"My definition of balance is being able to obsess equally in all areas of my life!"

As an alcoholic I completely understand all or nothing thinking. When I was in my disease, I used to obsessively plan out my drinking and using, always making sure I had the right amount of drugs on me, and I would even drink before meeting friends at the bar just so I could pretend to drink like them. In the end, my obsession consumed me and drove me into the rooms.

Once I started working the steps, I began obsessing on other things. For a while I was consumed with dying, sure I had done irreparable damage to myself during my years of using. Next I became obsessed with the fear of financial insecurity, this time convinced I had ruined my professional future. And then I got into a relationship and that obsession nearly drove me to drink. During my sixth step I realized that I had to surrender my obsessive thinking if I wanted to stay sober.

For me surrendering my obsessive thinking came down to a question of faith - did I or didn't I trust that my Higher Power would take care of me? As I began to obsess on that, my sponsor told me that faith wasn't a thought but rather an action. He suggested I begin letting go and letting God, and each time I did my life got a little better.

Today I know that obsessing isn't the answer, turning it over is.

[bluidkiti]

January 27

Quote of the Week

"My mind is like a bad neighborhood - I don't go in it alone."

One of the dangers of being alone for me is that I start thinking. Now for a normal person that may be OK, but for an alcoholic like me that almost always means trouble. Colored by the disease of alcoholism, my mind seeks problems and reasons why nothing will work out. Even my so-called "good ideas" soon get me into trouble.

If I dwell in the bad neighborhood of my mind I can also get pretty depressed. I once heard that alcoholism wants me dead but will settle for drunk. If I get lost down its streets, soon I'm cut off from you and the light of my Higher Power and I start believing its dark thoughts. Depressed and alone, my disease has seemingly won - until I reach out.

Today I've learned to share my thoughts with others and to let them into my thought process. I'm no longer comfortable going into the neighborhood of my mind alone and find over and over that things always work out best when I take company. Today when I'm feeling anxious or depressed, I ask myself if I'm in the dark neighborhood of my mind alone. And if so, I call you.

[willbe275]

Wow! this was posted on my birthday, and I can so ID with it..
I'm going to start reading more of these threads, I was so stuck on
reading only the daily recover page, but now I'm going to really
check out everything this site has to offer.
I have not made a donation in a while but will
be making one soon.

Wayne (aka willbe275)

[MajestyJo]

Whenever I bought a daily meditation book, I read the reading for my birthday and my dry date. It was like looking in a mirror.

Belated

[bluidkiti]

February 3

Quote of the Week

"If you're looking for an easier, softer way, there are no directions."

Before recovery there was only one way to do things - my way. I was convinced I had the answers, knew the way, and thought that life would be easy, and that I would be happy, if I just got my way. After years of bullying my way through my affairs and manipulating others to get what I wanted, I was finally brought to my knees and admitted defeat.

When I began working my program, I was told it was the easier, softer way, but it sure didn't feel like it at first. There were steps, and commitments, and honest inventories, and lots of feelings, and new ways of acting and interacting with others. In the beginning I rebelled mightily against this new way of life and often longed to - and sometimes did - revert back to old ways of thinking and acting. And each time I did, my life became unmanageable once again.

As I persevered and worked my steps, something miraculous happened - I changed. And as I changed, this new way of life actually began working for me, and after a while the steps and the principles of the program became the life manual I had always wanted and had been unsuccessfully trying to write for myself.

One day I realized that I had found the easier, softer way, and now I had the directions I had always longed for.

[bluidkiti]

February 10

Quote of the Week

"I don't believe in miracles, I depend on them!"

If you had asked me before recovery if I believed in miracles, I would have laughed in your face. "Look at my life!" I would have said. "There are certainly no miracles happening here." On hindsight I wasn't aware of how miraculous it was I hadn't killed myself or anybody else yet, or how the miracle of recovery was about to happen for me.

During the first few years of recovery, the occurrence of miracles was subtle at first, and I sometimes missed them. My physical sobriety was something I struggled with and then eventually took for granted, but it was surely my first miracle. Later, the miracles of emotional recovery and the emerging awareness of and appreciation for my spiritual self were also examples of the miracles taking place in my life. And, of course, I was always surrounded by the many miracles happening in the lives of those in the rooms around me.

These days I've come to rely on the existence of miracles even though they may not always look like I expect them to. Today I realize it's enough to just believe in them, to show up and be of service, and to let God do the rest. Then I just sit back and let the miracles happen.

Today, I believe in miracles.

[willbe275]

A big time Amen to that, I can truly
identify with every word you said.
It is still so easy at times to fall into
complacency, that is why I will always
need God, the rooms and brothers and
sisters like you always in my life.
Know matter what, I must always remember
first thing first.


W.O.W

[bluidkiti]

February 17

Quote of the Week

"Getting stuck means you are in between surrenders."

Before recovery I felt stuck in many areas of my life. I was stuck in a job I hated, stuck in unhealthy relationships I didn't know how to get out of, and stuck in an endless cycle of drinking and using. With no tools to help me, my life continued to spin out of control. Once I reached my bottom though, I finally surrendered and my recovery began.

When I started the steps I was introduced to a whole new life. I learned new ways of thinking, new ways of acting, and I also learned new ways to be stuck. Because of my old ideas and my resistance, I soon became stuck on the third step, and it was a long time before I surrendered to God's will. Then I was stuck on the fourth step, and once again it took a while to surrender to the process of an inventory. Oddly, even though the tool of surrender always worked, I usually insisted on being stuck for a while before I would use it.

Today I'm much quicker to recognize when I'm stuck and to do something about it. Today my tolerance for pain is small, and whenever I'm feeling uncomfortable, I immediately ask myself what I'm afraid of or what I'm resisting. As soon as I'm clear on what it is, I surrender and ask for God's will and direction. As always, this restores me to sanity and to the serenity I've come to cherish in my life.

Today I know that when I'm stuck, it just means I'm in between surrenders.

[bluidkiti]

February 24

Quote of the Week

"If you stay in the middle of this program, it's hard to fall off the edge."

I don't know about you, but I see them. People who come to meetings late, sit near the door, smoke outside during the meeting, jet out the door right after the meeting. These people scare me because they seem to be half in the program and half out. One foot out the door as they say. That's a scary and dangerous place to be.

When people who have gone out come back in (those who make it back in, that is), they all tell a familiar story: "I drifted away. First I stopped working with a sponsor, then I stopped taking commitments, then I went to less and less meetings. Before I knew it, I had a cold beer (or glass of wine) in my hand." And their stories all go downhill from there.

I was taught early on in my recovery that I needed to stay in the middle of the pack. The lion called alcoholism picks off the outside stragglers, but I'm safe if I stay in the middle. Today I still arrive early to meetings and speak to newcomers. I sit at the very front of meetings so I'm not distracted, and I take on commitments so I'm forced to show up even when I think I don't need to. Because of this I feel I'm in the middle, and I feel much better there than on the edge. I hope you do, too.

[bluidkiti]

March 3

Quote of the Week

"I would love to, but I need to talk to my sponsor first."

Before recovery I listened to my own best thinking, and you can imagine where that got me. Time and time again I'd follow one "good idea" with another until I was in so much trouble I didn't know what to do. And that's when I'd think of the best idea ever, and I'd act on it. After a while, the only thing worse than my problems where the solutions I would think up for them!

When I entered the program, my sponsor constantly asked me if I had any good ideas left. Plenty, I told him. "Make sure and run your thinking by me first then," he said. When I objected to this he reminded me that my best thinking was what had gotten me into the rooms. As I followed his direction, and as he walked me through the inevitable consequences of my thinking, I began to see the wisdom of his advice.

What's so interesting to me now is that even with years in recovery, my thinking remains much the same. It is still driven by the disease of addiction and automatically defaults to self will and self seeking. Because of this, I've found that the same advice I was given in the beginning remains true for me today -

I should still run my thinking by my sponsor first.

[bluidkiti]

March 10

Quote of the Week

"Don't count the days, make the days count."

Can you remember counting the days in early recovery? I sure can. I remember how difficult it sometimes was to make it through the weekend or even the evening, and I can still feel how grateful I was to have made it through another day. Those 30 day, 60 day and 90 day chips were a BIG deal to me, and with each chip I felt a growing relief, as if I had escaped from prison and was still free.

As the months turned into years, my focus shifted and I began to wonder what I wanted to do with my life. This was a new thought for me and it was difficult at first to overcome years of self-loathing and low self esteem. But after a while I began to dream of what I might become and what my Higher Power had in store for me, and once I settled on a direction I began living my life with purpose.

Today my days are filled with the joy of living. My focus is off survival and thoughts of myself, and instead I focus on what I can pack into the stream of life. I no longer wake up and say, "Oh, God, not another day!" But rather, "Thank God, I have another day!" I'm grateful that I no longer count the days, but rather, I look for ways to make the days count.

[bluidkiti]

March 17

Quote of the Week

There are some days when I say, "What program?" "God who?"

Last week my business website was hacked, my site was taken down, and my account was suspended. For hours, while I lost revenue and customers, I pleaded, begged and threatened my hosting company's technical support. For the most part I was polite and professional, but I was cursing under my breath, anxious and pissed off. After it was all over, I was a wreck. Later that evening I wondered why I hadn't brought God into it and why I hadn't worked my program.

What I realized is that fear is still the chief activator of my character defects, and prime among them is fear of losing something I have or of not getting what I demand. As I furiously instant messaged and emailed their support, I saw eight years of work go down the drain, felt the pain of starting over and grew increasingly resentful. Thankfully everything was resolved in a few hours, but for a while I was alone and spiritually vulnerable.

As I reflect back on the experience, I'm amazed by how quickly I can abandon my program when I'm in fear. I completely understand when I hear of people who pick up a drink after 20 years and can't explain why. I know that alcoholism is cunning, baffling and powerful, and I'm constantly reminded that I must remain vigilant.

Because even after all my time in recovery, there are some days when I say, "What program?" "God who?"

[bluidkiti]

March 24

Quote of the Week

"A Big Book that's falling apart is usually carried by a person who isn't."

I have heard so many times in meetings that the answers to my alcoholism and to the problems in my life are to be found in the Big Book. The question I have to ask myself is how often do I go there to find them? And the answer these days is not often enough.

When I was new I spent a lot of time reading the Big Book. My sponsor and I went through it page by page, and I'd attend book study meetings where I would break it down even more. And as my book began falling apart, I realized that my life no longer was.

Recently I've made a commitment to get back to basics and read the Big Book again. There are areas of my life that aren't where I want them, and I know that I'll find the answers I need in the Big Book. I've got the latest edition, a yellow highlighter, and I'm going to read and study it until it begins to fall apart. By then I know my life will be in order once again.