Today's Thought - October

[bluidkiti]

October 16

The Next Right Thing

Sometimes I get stuck. When I'm in the middle of a mess or a crisis, I often get or feel paralyzed and can't seem to make a decision or take action. It might not even be that big a problem; sometimes I'm just worn out from having made a million decisions already that day. One more thing to decide or do just feels like one too many. Not doing anything adds another layer of stress, of course, and that stress ramps up my anxiety.

The best way out of a mess or out of overwhelm is actually pretty straightforward. Just do the next right thing. Notice I said "thing," not "things." Pick one thing, one thing only. It can be a teeny-tiny thing that barely moves the needle on the issue, but at least it will move you from stuckness. Let your gut guide you as to what that thing should be. Keep it simple. Just taking that next right step will open the door to doing the next right thing after that. And so on.

A solution is made up of minuscule things. Pick one and start.

[bluidkiti]

October 17

Listening well

Learning to really listen to another human being - beyond just his or her words - is critical to good communication. Valuable exchanges between human beings can occur only when each listens carefully to the other and tries sincerely to understand the other person's meaning. Much anger and frustration with others could be avoided if we truly understood one another.

Constant thoughts running through our minds is a form of talking, and we can't listen to another (including our Higher Power) if we are still talking.

Do I really listen?

Higher Power, help me be quiet enough within to listen to others today. By trying to understand another, let me learn something about myself.

Today I will quiet my mind and really listen to...

Today's reading is from the book Day by Day: Daily Meditations for Recovering Addicts*

[bluidkiti]

October 18

Accepting Help

When I was in the military in the early 2000s, alcoholism and drug addiction were the kiss of death. If you liked what you were doing and wanted to keep on doing it, you certainly didn't say you had a problem, because that was pretty much it. If you were using illegal drugs, you were probably going to jail if they caught you. If you were an alcoholic, you were probably on your way out.

At one point in time, there was this really great sergeant who could really see inside people, and he saw there was a problem. He referred me to what at that time was called a BAP (behavioral analysis program), which was basically an IOP (intensive outpatient program) for active duty. The only reason I did it was fear of getting kicked out, because I didn't think I had a problem.

It's not that BAP didn't try - it's that I wasn't ready to recognize I had a problem. I didn't graduate from it, because another deployment came up. The idea was, Well, he's going overseas, so he won't be able to drink over there. That will fix his alcoholism. Nothing could be further from the truth.

Today I'll remind myself that help is always there when I need it, but I have to accept it for it to do any good.

Today's reading is from the book Leave No One Behind: Daily meditations for Military Service Members and Veterans in Recovery*

[bluidkiti]

October 20

Reflection for the Day

Before I became sober in the program, I blamed all my problems on other people, or on places and things. Now I'm learning to look squarely at each difficulty, not seeking whom to blame, but to discover how my attitude helped create my problem or aggravate it. I must also learn to face the consequences of my own actions and words and to correct myself when I'm wrong. Do I practice the Tenth Step by continuing to take personal inventory? When I am wrong, do I promptly admit it?
Today I Pray

May I know the blessed relief and unburdening that come when I admit I have done something wrong. May I learn - perhaps for the first time in my entire life - to take responsibility for my own actions and to face the consequences. May I learn again how to match actions with consequences.
Today I Will Remember

To take responsibility for my own actions.

Today's reading is from the book A Day at a Time: Daily Reflections for Recovering People*

[bluidkiti]

October 20

Our behavior won't be irrational if we pause and think before acting.

Reacting to another person’s craziness makes us a bit crazy too. However, someone else's anger, even if directed at us, doesn't have to trigger our anger in return. All it takes to stop our troubling behavior is the willingness to be quiet a moment so we can think clearly before taking action.

That sounds simple enough. Surely we can do it. But it takes practice, lots of it. Most of us have spent years reacting without thinking and then blaming the messy outcome on the other guy.

At first, doing it the new way won't feel familiar, so our tendency will be to revert to the old behavior. Looking to the people we admire in the program for help will give us the inspiration to keep trying.

I will become adept at thinking before acting. Today will give me many opportunities to succeed.

Today's reading is from the book A Life of My Own: Meditations on Hope and Acceptance*

[bluidkiti]

October 21

I was ashamed to admit the extent of our violence.

~Kate Hurley

Some of us are involved in relationships characterized by violence, some of it overt, some of it subtle, all of it destructive to spiritual growth. Whether we're perpetrators or victims of violence, and whether the violence is physical or psychological, we need to stop perpetuating it.

Denial, shame, or fear of loss - loss of a relationship or loss of community approval and support - may keep us from speaking about our role in a violent relationship. Various forms of violence are more common among us than we have been willing to acknowledge. Any of us who have experienced battering or abuse at some time in the past and any of us who suffer from self-hatred or who have used addictive substances or behaviors to numb feelings of outrage and frustration are at risk.

Speaking aloud with a trusted person can be a first step toward awareness and acceptance. It is necessary to bring the existence of violence out into the open before it can be healed.

Today, I can safely speak about shame. I begin the process of healing.

Today's reading is from the book Glad Day

[bluidkiti]

October 22

Experiment

Experiment. Try something new. Try stepping out. We have been held back too long. We have held ourselves back too long.

As children, many of us were deprived of the right to experiment. Many of us are depriving ourselves of the right to experiment and learn as adults.

Now is the time to experiment. It is an important part of recovery. Let yourself try things. Let yourself try something new. Yes, you will make mistakes. But from those mistakes, you can learn what your values are.

Today, I will give myself permission to experiment in life. I will stop rigidly holding myself back, and I will jump in when jumping in feels right. God, help me let go of my need to deprive myself of being alive.

Today's reading is from the book The Language of Letting Go: Daily Meditations on Codependency*

[bluidkiti]

October 23

Unless I accept my virtues, I most certainly will be overwhelmed by my faults.

~Robert G. Coleman

For many shame-based reasons, it is always easier to acknowledge our flaws than our good features. Perhaps in the beginning, we sought modesty over vanity when we learned to focus on imperfections. Since we didn't want to be conceited, we downplayed our good qualities until we forgot they existed. But even the best intentions can backfire.

To recover is to comprehend truth. And the truth is, there is much that is right about us. The very fact that we are thinking, reflecting, and perhaps acting on the meditations in this book says many good things about us - that we are open-minded, sincere, and willing to make an effort.

Until we accept the whole truth, our reality is based on a partial truth. Habitual self-deprecation isn't a virtue; it's a handicap that needs to be eliminated.

I am a good person, and I am becoming better every day. I will not define myself by my flaws.

Today's reading is from the book Days of Healing, Days of Joy: Daily Meditations for Adult Children*

[bluidkiti]

October 24

The spiritual life does not remove us from the world but leads us deeper into it.

~Henri J. M. Nouwen

We get into recovery to get our life back. The shame that is often part of our addiction can have us believe we are second-class citizens. We are not. Recovery demands that we go deeper and deeper into the world.

By moving deeper into the world, we deepen our relationship with our Higher Power. As we are given the gifts of recovery, freedom, care, and love, we are to take these gifts out into the world. The world needs them, just as we need recovery.

We who were hopeless must bring hope to those who need it. We who lived in despair must now bring joy into the larger world. We who lived in shame must now bring dignity to those who seek direction. This is the way of the spirit. We are now givers, not takers.
Prayer for the Day

Higher Power, help me to stay on the path of the spirit. Help me to go deeper and deeper into your world.
Today's Action

Today I will list five ways I can give more to the world I live in. I will then start to act in a way that will make me a giver and not a taker.

Today's reading is from the book God Grant Me: More Daily Meditations from the Authors of Keep It Simple*

[bluidkiti]

October 25

Only the wearer knows where the shoe pinches.

~English saying

When we are in pain, only we know where it hurts. Other people may be ready with suggestions and advice, but we are the only ones who eventually can know what the matter is.

Each of us is a unique expression of humanity, and we are the only one who can live our life. When we are stricken with addiction to compulsive behavior, we know where it hurts and how much. While we may have to bear a lot of pain, we can identify where it hurts and start to do something about it. When this happens, it's possible for others to come to our aid later on.

This is true in our program. We know where the hurt is, and we take the First Step. In doing so we turn to others who help us bear the pain and walk by our side on the open road to recovery.

I acknowledge pain, and I can know what the cause is. I am willing to take the First Step for myself and find help from others.

Today's reading is from the book Answers in the Heart

[bluidkiti]

October 26

Honesty

Honesty's the best policy.

~Miguel de Cervantes

How grateful we became when we moved out from the shadows of our past. Our program asked us to be honest. We found that truth shone a bright light on our road to recovery. We could see all the little ways we had shaded the truth to serve our own ends. We could also see the awful pain this truth-twisting had caused us. We discovered there really was no such thing as a half-truth. There is either the truth or a lie.

Honesty is the bedrock of a life of recovery. Without honesty we lose our contact with our Higher Power. Without our Higher Power we lose our shield from our addiction. Without our shield we are hopelessly vulnerable to relapse. We are asked to be honest in all our affairs. This means we are careful to think before we speak and to guard against exaggeration.

At the conclusion of each day, I review my actions and ask myself if I have been honest in all I have said and done. Honesty in recovery takes practice, so I practice as if my life depended on it. It does.

Today's reading is from the book Easy Does It: A Book of Daily Twelve Step Meditations*

[bluidkiti]

October 27

The more I force things, the tougher my life.

~Helen Neujahr

Are we driven to control? Perhaps we wonder if trying to control other people is part of the human condition. We've probably surrounded ourselves with controlling people, particularly if our friends share our disease. However, not every person alive has to control, and that means we can lessen our stranglehold. But how?

Understanding where our need to control came from is a beginning. Most of us, at least before recovery, were insecure. We wanted to protect ourselves from abandonment, ridicule, physical and emotional harm. The only way we knew to do that was to insist others fulfill our needs. We strengthened, day by day, a trait that hinders us now.

What can save us is acceptance of the first three Steps. Ultimately, we can't control others, so why try? Turning to our Higher Power can relieve us of our obsession, and that Power, if we'll let it, will direct our every move. The solution is simple - all we need to do is accept the simplicity!

I don't need to control anyone today. I am not insecure just as long as I let my Higher Power take charge of my affairs.

Today's reading is from the book A Woman's Spirit: More meditations for Women*

[bluidkiti]

October 28

I visualize the course nine or ten times every night as I'm going to sleep. By race day, I've run the course a hundred times in my head.

~A. J. Kitt, Olympic skier

World-class athletes reach the pinnacle of performance by intense work and dedication. No one doubts their priorities. They practice for hours every day, endure the pain of pushing the body to the limit, and develop the mind psychologically to be ready to respond in a split second.

We can use that same model for our healing recovery program. We need to put our recovery above all else - because without that, we have nothing. We need to accept the pain that comes with facing ourselves and our truth, because on the other side of the pain is peace of mind. And we can develop our self-image as recovering men in the care of our Higher Power, succeeding as we meet the challenges of our days.

A very helpful daily practice is to visualize ourselves in a quiet place, feeling well, content, and safe. Staying with this image for fifteen minutes or so, just enjoying its peace, creates a sense of strength and serenity for the next few hours or for the rest of the day.

Today, I know my first priority is recovery, and I can picture myself feeling content in a quiet setting.

Today's reading is from the book Stepping Stones: More Daily Meditations for Men*

[bluidkiti]

October 29

AA Thought for the Day

We alcoholics used so little self-control when we were drinking, we were so absolutely selfish, that it does us good to give up something once in a while. Using self-discipline and denying ourselves a few things is good for us. At first, giving up liquor is a big enough job for all of us, even with God's help. But later on, we can practice self-discipline in other ways to keep a firm grip on our minds so that we don't start any wishful thinking. If we daydream too much, we'll be in danger of slipping. Am I practicing enough self-discipline?
Meditation for the Day

In material things, you must rely on your own wisdom and that of others. In spiritual things, you cannot rely so much on your own wisdom as on God’s guidance. In dealing with personalities, it is a mistake to step out too much on your own. You must try to be guided by God in all human relationships. You cannot accomplish much of value in dealing with people until God knows you are ready. You alone do not have the power or wisdom to put things right between people. You must rely on God to help you in these vital matters.
Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may rely on God in dealing with people's problems. I pray that I may try to follow His guidance in all personal relationships.

Today's reading is from the book Twenty-Four Hours a Day: A Spiritual Resource with Practical Applications for Daily Life*