Daily Reprieve - April

[bluidkiti]

April 1

I BELONG

“We are not saints.” Alcoholics Anonymous, page 60

“May God be merciful and bless us.” Psalm 67:1

For what it's worth: Who would love me? I was a drunken mess of defects, self-absorption, and rage. For years my heart was empty and I was alone until I found love in a room full of sober drunks in Alcoholics Anonymous. Looking back, I realize now I felt love in the way those kind folks welcomed me as a part of themselves just as the mess I was. Immediately I knew I was among understanding friends who turned out to be much more, my guides on a long and spectacular spiritual journey. Along the way I was introduced to the merciful and loving Heavenly Father Who blessed me with membership in Alcoholics Anonymous. With my weaknesses and failings, I am deeply grateful to be where “we are not saints”. That is what saved me initially. Had there been "saints" in those meeting rooms, I would have had to leave. As it is, I stayed because I belong.

God bless you!
Joe W.

[bluidkiti]

April 2

THE GIFT OF KINDNESS

“A kindly act once in a while isn't enough. You have to act the Good Samaritan every day, if need be.” Alcoholics Anonymous, page 97

The Story of the Good Samaritan. Luke 10: 30-37

For what it's worth: Any kindness in me was insincere, because the only thing I cared about was me and my next drink. I learned kindness from the people in Alcoholics Anonymous. They cared about me and taught me how to help others, the most significant lesson of my sobriety, protecting my recovery and offering me opportunity to express gratitude for the help I received. However, I will never be able to do enough to say thanks for the life saving gift of love I received from people in Alcoholics Anonymous and from my Heavenly Father. Their gift is free. They never ask to be paid back, but I believe they cherish even my smallest act of kindness to another suffering soul. And I remember I would not even be able to do the smallest act without their gift.

God bless you!
Joe W.

[bluidkiti]

April 3

"I AM HERE"

"Time after time, this apparent calamity has been a boon to us, for it opened up a path which led to the discovery of God." Alcoholics Anonymous, page 116

"I am being found by people who were not looking for me. To them I have said, 'I am here!'" Isaiah 65:1

For what it's worth: My miserable alcoholic existence drove me to seek relief, not God, in Alcoholics Anonymous. Inevitably though, the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous led me to God. Since surrendering my will and my life to God, every apparent calamity, even the agony of alcoholism, has proved to be a blessing. At the time, the suffering certainly did not feel like any divine gift; it seemed God was not listing, or even may have betrayed me; but each time, usually when least expected, he would whisper, “I am here”.

God bless you!
Joe W.

[bluidkiti]

April 4

HIS LOVING MERCY

“See to it that your relationship with Him is right...” Alcoholics Anonymous, page 164

“God's mercies begin afresh each day.” Lamentations 3: 23

For what it's worth: For years my thoughts of God were filled with guilt and fear. Alcoholism compounded that sick thinking and it followed me into Alcoholics Anonymous, but people sharing at meetings bombarded me with positive testimonials about the power of God's mercy and love. The impact of that throughout my sober years changed my thoughts of God to a benevolent Heavenly Father Who rescued me from alcoholism's hell and held me up as He grew me up spiritually. Now He blesses me with a loving and undeserved relationship with Himself. He knows of my past insults, and has forgiven me. He knows of my present weaknesses, and when I take them to Him, His loving mercy begins again...immediately.

God bless you!
Joe W.

[bluidkiti]

April 5

HIS PRESENCE

“For where two or three gather together as my followers, I am there among them.” Matthew 18:20

“Who wants to sacrifice time and energy in trying to carry A.A.'s message to the next sufferer?” 12&12 p.24

For what it’s worth: Who, indeed? Not this drunk. I had no time for anyone - unless a case of beer was the reward. This alcoholic attitude forced me to my own hell before I was willing to change. When I finally hurt enough to turn to them, Alcoholics Anonymous people told me this self-absorption had to be surrendered. But, how? It was so deeply ingrained in my being my only hope was to take this defect to my Heavenly Father repeatedly in Step Seven. I still do. Now, every time I “gather together” with my A.A. fellows, I sense God’s presence, especially when carrying the message in Twelve Step service.

God bless you.
Joe W.

[bluidkiti]

April 6

A DROP OF GRATITUDE

"...The things which came to us when we put ourselves in God's hands were better than anything we could have planned." Alcoholics Anonymous, page 100

"Praise the Lord, I tell myself, and never forget the good things he does for me." Psalm 103: 2

For what it's worth: Cursing God, blaming Him instead of alcohol for the misery in my life does not produce gratitude. But that was my attitude the day I came to Alcoholics Anonymous. At first, the happiness and gratitude of the people there angered me. As I sobered up, it gave me hope that I might experience the same. And, indeed, I did. As I practiced the program on a daily basis, I developed an attitude of gratitude. I no longer hated to hear about gratitude at meetings, I loved to listen and talk about it. Instead of isolating I joined and enjoyed the grateful people around me. And, although I paid no attention to her before, nature herself gently shouted that I was alive and well. All of this and much more each sober year. Still, I can barely believe there would ever be even a drop of gratitude in this once no good, thankless drunk. But there it is, sometimes gushing out, thanking God from deep in my soul.

God bless you!
Joe W.

[bluidkiti]

April 7

ASK GOD FOR WILLINGNESS

“If we still cling to something we will not let go, we ask God to help us be willing.” Alcoholics Anonymous, page 76

“So I say to you, ask and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.” Luke 11:9

For what it’s worth: Thank God He did not listen to me back in my drinking days when I begged Him to leave me alone and let me die. Instead, He carried me to Alcoholics Anonymous. God knew the tricky drunks there would break through my stubborn arrogance and show me my need for Him. And they did that in many ways. One was through my personal weaknesses. As I gained sobriety, my feelings came alive again, and I began to feel and understand that my character defects were not only hurting others, they were causing me pain. I used to drink to deaden that agony and I could again. I knew I needed to be rid of those deficiencies, but how? Those tricky drunks told me what they did: sought help from a Higher Power. Pain motivates me, so I am inclined to do as I was taught. I ask God for the willingness to be rid of these agonizing defects. My motives may not be pure, but my Heavenly Father hears me and offers help to become truly willing to have Him remove these character defects. He knows I do not always use His help, but He is always patient and loving, even though I have to come to Him over and over again. When I knock, He always opens up to me.

God bless you!
Joe W.

[bluidkiti]

April 8

LIFE AND LIGHT

“Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps...” Alcoholics Anonymous, page 60

“He restores my soul.” Psalm 23:3

For what it's worth: Something was desperately wrong with me. I drank over it for years. But I never knew what it was until I was sober for some time in Alcoholics Anonymous: my soul was dark and empty, starving for spiritual nourishment; alcohol temporarily filled the void and relieved the agony; so, I returned to the bottle over and over, becoming addicted to alcohol. Alcoholics Anonymous offered me a program of recovery from my alcoholism and introduced me to a Higher Power who could nourish my soul. Applying the Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous and surrendering my will to God's daily now for a number of years has nourished this old soul. Still there are days I feel spiritually weak. On those days I know the driest spiritual desert is heaven compared the dark emptiness of before. I can never thank God and Alcoholics Anonymous enough for filling this once dark, dead soul with light and life.

God bless you!
Joe W.

[bluidkiti]

April 9

ROUGH GOING BLESSINGS

“It is a design for living that works in rough going.” Alcoholics Anonymous, page 15

“You brought me up from the grave, O Lord. You kept me from falling into the pit of death.” Psalm 30: 3

For what it's worth: During my drinking days, the rough going kept going until the agony of it all drove me to seek help in Alcoholics Anonymous. The Program did not protect me from difficult times, but it provided me “a design for living” during those experiences. And I was introduced to the Developer of that design. Now, when life turns mean, the tools do not seem to work, and “this too shall pass” sounds like a crock, I can turn to a Higher Power. And I need not delay, playing around with designs of my own. In all my sober years, when I take the difficult days to my God, he always carries me through. And when we get there, usually there's a blessing.

God bless you!
Joe W.

[bluidkiti]

April 10

ME MEETING ME

“You have swallowed and digested some big chunks of truth about yourself.” P. Alcoholics Anonymous, page 71

“You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” John 8:32

For what it's worth: All the shades were down so I could not see inside me, but many a drunk launched from what I feared was there. That fear blocked any chance for intimacy and locked me in a lonely, dark place. I would have died there alone and in the darkness without a merciful God rescuing me and giving me over to a bunch of sober, loving drunks in Alcoholics Anonymous. They taught me how to stop being a coward and raise the shades to face myself. I found that I was not nearly as crazy and evil as I believed. And I was not unique. Since facing the truth, God has granted me the gift of knowing I am lovable, loving, and worthwhile. This is an indescribable gift for a once low-down drunk like me. I am deeply grateful to God and Alcoholics Anonymous for introducing me to me and helping me become someone I would want to meet.

God bless you!
Joe W.

[bluidkiti]

April 11

LIGHTEN THE LOAD

“We constantly remind ourselves we are no longer running the show, humbly saying to ourselves many times each day "Thy will be done." We are then in much less danger of excitement, fear, anger, worry, self-pity, or foolish decisions. We become much more efficient. We do not tire so easily, for we are not burning up energy foolishly as we did when we were trying to arrange life to suit ourselves.” Alcoholics Anonymous, page 87 & 88

“Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28

For what it’s worth: My insanity insisted God despised me for all the God-given opportunities I had wrecked, so I was not coming to Him for anything. Alcoholism, however, created near-death agony that demanded relief, driving me to Alcoholics Anonymous. It was there I found a merciful Higher Power I could go to who would not judge me harshly. Instead, He heard my pleas for help, rescued me, and placed me on a path of proven success, walking with dear friends up Twelve Steps to a spiritual place of peace where He runs the show and we can rest. Most importantly, God Himself walks with me each day on this path with Twelve Steps, lightening my load, whispering words of hope, reminding me I can trust that He loves me and will never let me down.

God bless you!
Joe W.

[bluidkiti]

April 12

A SUNRISE OF HOPE

“We had to find a power by which we could live...” Alcoholics Anonymous, page45

“My only hope is in your unfailing love and faithfulness.” Psalm 40: 11

For what it’s worth: In my drinking years, each new day was a dreaded awakening and started with pain, anxiety, and despair. In recovery, each new day is a sunrise of hope, welcomed with gratitude and peace. Sure, there are clouds some days that try to block the sunrise, but I have found a God that never fails me, and a set of Principles that always work - especially on cloudy days. My Heavenly Father and the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous are the power by which I live.

God bless you!
Joe W.

[bluidkiti]

April 13

SELF-PITY

“He begins to think life doesn't treat him right.” Alcoholics Anonymous, page 61

“I am surrounded by fierce lions who greedily devour human prey...My heart is confident in you, O God.” Psalm 57: 4 & 7

For what it’s worth: Based upon my drunken evaluation, God and life were cruel to me. Self-pity was a fierce lion devouring me from the inside out. Even long into recovery, that lion would come roaring into my heart and soul as soon as I became the least non-accepting of life on life's terms. It still can. In addition, when I am whining about life, I am usually suffering with false pride, making it difficult to confess. However, I must admit it to God, my sponsor and at a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous. That practice has definitely dwindled the times I complain about life. In truth, there is no room for self-pity when I focus on all the wonders my Heavenly Father has placed in my life.

God bless you!
Joe W.

[bluidkiti]

April 14

“WATCH AND PRAY”

“We have admitted certain defects; we have ascertained in a rough way what the trouble is; we have put our finger on the weak times in our personal inventory.”
- Alcoholics Anonymous, page 72

"Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak." - Matthew 26:41

For what it’s worth: Alcohol evaporated any moral fortitude that I ever had. I came to Alcoholics Anonymous with a weak will and an empty soul, so I am deeply grateful for the statement in the Big Book: “We are not saints.” That helps me feel at home. But, amazing changes happen here in AA as the result of living our Twelve Steps. Oh, I did not become a saint or anything close, but I found some depth of character I never had, and I found strength from a Higher Power. All too often I am still weak willed with faltering faith, but now I have a Heavenly Father Who loves me unconditionally, especially when my spirit is willing, but my body is weak. So, I need not beat up on myself, but focus on His love for this needy child of His. Today, I will do my best to “watch and pray” with Him.

God bless you!
Joe W.

[bluidkiti]

April 15

GUIDES

“When we drew near to Him He disclosed Himself to us!” Alcoholics Anonymous, page 57

“You will keep on guiding me with your counsel, leading me to a glorious destiny.” Psalm 73:24

For what it’s worth: Fear and shame caused me to try to hide from God. However, "The Hound of Heaven" pursued me even into the depths of alcoholism and carried me to recovery in Alcoholics Anonymous. Now, instead of hiding, I offer myself to God each morning in my Third Step prayer. In addition, throughout the day, I try to grow closer to Him by practicing AA principles in all of my affairs. My Heavenly Father knows I am slow and need all the help I can get to grow spiritually, so He guides me with His counsel. He speaks in the language of the heart through my AA friends when I am at AA meetings and communicating by phone and e-mail. Additionally, He uses the book Alcoholics Anonymous and the Bible. These are the guides my Heavenly Father has given me to lead me along the right path to a “glorious destiny” with Him.

God bless you!
Joe W.