Today's Thought - April

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April 1

When people don't forgive, they probably shorten their lives.
--Doris Donnelly

Sometimes forgiveness seems impossible and we feel stuck in the quicksand of our own resentment. When everything else fails, we can try the "First Five People Forgiveness Plan." Each morning we make a decision to forgive the first five people we come in contact with who make us mad. We forgive all five people without analyzing or deciding if they deserve to be forgiven. We promptly forgive each one of them without exception.

This simple plan can work wonders for those of us who usually hold on to resentments and anger. Letting go of anger and resentment lets us feel our loving side. In learning to forgive others we can begin learning about how to forgive ourselves, too.

Today let me also remember that I, too, deserve forgiveness.

You are reading from the book:

Our Best Days by Nancy Hull-Mast

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April 2

Unless our desire for human compassion is stronger than our desire to be right, to be secure or to belong, love will elude us.
--Marsha Sinetar

Knowing we are loved is what most of us crave. For brief moments we feel it; then it eludes us once again. Why does it slip through our fingers so quickly? One way of attracting the love we desire is to be willing to love others. What we give to others comes back to us. Unfortunately, we may give judgment, impatience, or anger far more often than we give love.

We can learn to give compassion. First we need to make the decision to be compassionate. Then we need to act as if we're comfortable doing this. When we have practiced it awhile, we'll discover that giving love and receiving the love we crave is within our grasp.

I will feel loved when I give love away. I don't need to be right today. I need to be loved.

You are reading from the book:

A Woman's Spirit by Karen Casey

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April 3

You are the hero of your life.

Each of us plays the starring role in the drama that is our life. We co-create the script along with our Higher Power. Sometimes we forget our lines, and so we improvise as best we can. We are heroes, each of us, as we move through the events of the day, refining our character and using our gifts to shape the action of every scene.

We can each be a hero in the drama of recovery. To the casual observer, what we do and say may not appear to be at all heroic. But we - as insiders who are only too well acquainted with our individual limitations - can appreciate and applaud a difficult decision or action.

When we accept our role in life, when we pledge to use our energies to do the best we can, and when we rely on our Higher Power for guidance and support, we will be well on our way toward recovering.

I can be a hero today, even if it doesn't show.

You are reading from the book:

Inner Harvest by Elisabeth L.

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April 4

Easy Does It

So, you surrendered. You let go. Now you're ready to face a particular challenge. So you hunker down and garner all your forces. And you hit the wall again.

What's wrong? you may ask. I'm doing all the spiritual things I'm supposed to do. And things still aren't working, I can't get anywhere.

Did you ever try to get a key to unlock a door, and you tried and tried, and the key just wouldn't open it? The harder you tried, the more frustrated you became. So you stopped trying for awhile, relaxed, and tried again. Voila. The key fit perfectly and the slightest turn unlocked the door.

There's a gentler way of being in the world, of trying things, doing things, going about our business.

Whether I'm tackling a specific project, enjoying a new relationship, or grinding through some miserable situation, my first inclination is to force myself and try too hard. If one cup of tea tastes good, I'll drink five. If I want to express love or concern for someone, I'll overdo it.

"If it's worth doing, it's worth doing well," doesn't mean if it's worth doing, try harder and harder. Doing it well means relaxing and letting the actions unfold gently, naturally, without force. Pull back a little. Relax.

You are reading from the book:

52 Weeks of Conscious Contact by Melody Beattie

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April 5

Not what we would, but what we must, makes up the sum of living.
--Richard Henry Stoddard

"We must do the things we must" is frequent advice in the Program. Each Step is evidence of what our founders did in order to achieve abstinence and keep it going with serenity and security. All of the "musts" implied in the Steps and frequently mentioned throughout the Big Book are also spiritual. We will find the importance of "must" in the favorite quotes from that book.

The Steps aren't based on the theory of "thou shalt not." They are based on the theory that "thou shall." That's why we say "there are no musts" in our Program.

Fortunately, those Twelve Steps we work require positive action. They tell us what we can do in order that each of us can live a joyous, happy, and free existence.

"Must" appears many times in the Big Book, along with a few "absolutes." This doesn't refer to our requirements for working the Program. It just lets us concentrate on what we can do, not on what we can't.

You are reading from the book:

Easy Does It by Anonymous

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April 6

Home wasn't build in a day.
--Jane Ace

Newcomer

I'm a lot better than when I was active in my addiction. But parts of my life still feel beyond my control. I don't mean earthquakes or floods. I mean getting to the dentist, repairing the car, doing the laundry, eating well. There are a lot of things I'm not taking care of the way I think I should.

Sponsor

Part of applying Steps Six and Seven to our lives is to take a look at simple behaviors that are keeping us uncomfortable and unbalanced in our recovery. Though we're not using addictive substances or behaviors, we may still be putting off the dentist, living on fast food, neglecting personal appearance, having no time for home or car maintenance, or letting bills pile up. The problems may seem minor – such things as always arriving ten minutes late to work, routinely losing keys or eyeglasses, never finding time for exercise – but they point to where we're stuck in our process of recovery. Over time, they pose risks to, rather than support of, our health and serenity.

We don't expect overnight cures, and we don't demand perfection of ourselves. We begin with awareness of what isn't working well for us. Then, each day, we take a small step toward change.

Today, I acknowledge a habit that stands between me and my serenity. I'm willing to take one small step toward changing it.

You are reading from the book:

If You Want What We Have by Joan Larkin

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April 7

There is no happiness; there are only moments of happiness.
-- Spanish proverb

How happy we are right now may hinge on dinnertime - whether it is just before or just after. It may also depend on whether we are examining ourselves to see if we are happy or not. There's nothing like a little introspection to convince us of the futility of life. Just asking the question, "Am I happy?" is enough to put us into a blue mood.

Moments of happiness, like creative thoughts, pass before us all the time. If we want to enjoy them, it's up to us to reach out and take them when they appear. The opportunities are boundless, and they all come dressed up like other people. No one has ever been happy for long in isolation. We are not, by nature, solitary creatures. God gave us people to be with. And as an incentive to be kind to one another, God made each of us a source of happiness for others.

If there's anybody around, I won't have to look far for happiness today.

You are reading from the book:

In God's Care by Karen Casey

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April 8

People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are.
--George Bernard Shaw

It's easy to let circumstances determine how we think and behave. While it's true that some events seem devastating, our relationship with a Higher Power can help us accept and even grow from experiences that seem impossible to cope with.

We all have known men and women who've handled grave upsets far more easily than we have. How did they do it? They have no magic. Rather, they may be more comfortable letting their Higher Power help them accept and understand unfortunate circumstances. Once we accept our anger or disappointment, we're free to move on to better feelings. We begin to realize we have choices in how we look at problems.

We are never given more than we can handle. We can develop acceptance of any circumstances, but our success in doing so comes mainly through our reliance on God to show us the way.

God will help me handle the uncontrollable events of today. Through acceptance, I can change my feelings at any moment - even right now.

You are reading from the book:

In God's Care by Karen Casey

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April 9

Agreement is usually not necessary.

Many of us have lived as if we always had to be right. We did not stop to notice that other things we cared about were being lost such as friends who got tired of our persistent need to be right, or children whose self-esteem was undermined when there was no room for their ideas, or a former mate who drifted away because we could relax only if we were proven right. In our differences there is much more to look at and far more to settle than who is right and who is wrong.

An intimate connection is simply communicating our differences to each other and understanding them. Agreement is usually not necessary. Our partnership gives us an opportunity to view the world intimately through someone else's eyes. Defeating our differences defeats our opportunities to learn. We need just exclaim, Oh that's another way to see it!

Our task is to learn how our partner sees the world. We grow because we gain a second outlook.

You are reading from the book:

The More We Find In Each Other by Merle Fossum and Mavis Fossum

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April 10

Celebrate your life and hear your spirit sing.
-- Elisabeth L.

"What's to celebrate?" some people ask. We all get our fill of the cynics. Their negativity can weigh down our spirits. But we don't have to let them control how we see our lives or theirs. To keep our own perceptions positive, it helps to detach from the naysayers. We will improve our chances if we consciously focus on gratitude for even the tiny blessings rather than on whatever might be wrong.

Becoming grateful is the strongest, safest means of feeling good now that we are abstinent. Not only does it readily alter our mood, but it changes our perspective on every detail of our lives. To be thankful rather than "thankless" is a small price to pay for unqualified happiness coupled with serenity.

We've all known people who radiate a singing spirit. They love life, themselves, and others. We seek out their company. We can be like those people for the travelers sharing our journey. Let's do it!

I will practice gratitude today and be a blessing in everyone's life.

You are reading from the book:

A Woman's Spirit by Karen Casey

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April 11

Self-control is one of the greatest skills I've learned.
--Jim Burns

Most of us assume we have mastered self-control by now. And perhaps we have. A good test is to monitor how we respond to a nagging spouse or a disrespectful postman or vile-mouthed teenager. Do instances such as these make us angry or resentful? If so, we aren't exerting adequate self-control. Letting another's behavior, no matter how petty, disturb our inner peace means we aren't in control of ourselves. But we can be. There is still time to learn how, and most of us have all the time we need.

Why is self-control so valuable? Getting agitated feels good sometimes. We may think it's superior to boredom. But in truth, losing control of our emotions means we are always in the control of someone else. That too often means we are on a rollercoaster of ups and downs that exhaust us. Illness can even result. Another benefit of self-control is that we can lessen the turmoil around us, rather than add to it. The impact of any action or thought or quiet response is never ending. It's quite analogous to the pebble skipped across the pond. We are making subtle contributions to the world around us whether we are conscious of it or not. Let's be more careful of our input.

I will consider my input in all situations carefully today. What someone else does need not determine my actions.

You are reading from the book:

Keepers of the Wisdom by Karen Casey

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April 12

If the best man's faults were written on his forehead, it would make him pull his hat over his eyes.
--Gaelic proverb

When we deal with our faults and imperfections, we are dealing with the basic issues of being a person. We can become bitter and cynical about the imperfections of others, or we can realize every person is incomplete but growing, just as we are. The way we look at the faults in others and the way we look at our own are closely tied together. In our spiritual journey, we must begin with the premise that no person ever achieves perfection.

Perfection apparently is not what this life is about at all, since perfection is nonexistent. We are lovable, and we can love in the process of living our lives. Since we are not perfect, we have to be accountable. We must have standards for our behavior and hold ourselves to those standards, admitting our mistakes and making repairs where we can.

I will try to acknowledge my mistakes and give up the idea of ever becoming perfect.

You are reading from the book:

Touchstones by Anonymous

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April 13

Though we be sick and tired and faint and worn--Lo, all things can be borne.
--Elizabeth Chase Akers

What bothered us most a year ago? A month ago? Even a week ago? It's probably that whatever it was, we were obsessed with it, certain that our futures were ruined, that there was no reasonable solution. It's also probable that we feared we simply couldn't survive the complexity of the situation. But we did. And we always will be able to survive any and all difficulties. We are never, absolutely never, given more than we can handle. In fact, we are given exactly what we need, at any given time.

We have many lessons to learn. Fortunately, we have the structure of the Twelve Steps to guide us through the lessons. We need mainly to remember what we are powerless over, that there is a power greater than ourselves, and that life will become simple; we'll need no extra homework when we've turned it over to the care of God.

Whatever my problem today, I will let God have it. A solution is in the making. I'll see it just as quickly as I can let go of the problem.

You are reading from the book:

Each Day a New Beginning by Karen Casey

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April 14

Taking an honest look at ourselves is necessary if we want peace.

Step Four asks us to admit our character defects. That's not an easy assignment. How "defective" could we be? In truth, we do have many assets, and it will help us to admit our defects if we also own our assets.

The founders of the Twelve Steps were wise men who understood the value of self-assessment. None of us is without problems, many of which we cause ourselves because of behavior we need to change. But until we can stand back from ourselves and see our part in our troubles, we'll not have the data we need to make a change in our lives. This program is designed to help us change. Its goal for us is greater peace, but we must do our part.

I will feel better today, and thus more peaceful, if I am willing to change a behavior that causes me trouble. I pray for willingness to admit my defects and own my assets.

You are reading from the book:

A Life of My Own by Karen Casey

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April 15

We do not have to get caught in the middle of other people's issues.
-- Melody Beattie

Learning to respect boundaries, our own and other people's, eliminates much of the stress that hinders relationships. Accepting the behavior and the opinions of our friends as legitimate for them allows our relationships to teach us tolerance and patience and love. Our journey on this planet is not about "fixing" or controlling others, but about loving them wholly, just as we want to be loved.

We need other people. Our humanity is enhanced by our mutual experiences. But we also need to let others learn from their mistakes and their own experiences, rather than to help them avoid what they need for their growth. We hate to see our friends in pain. Our compassion is triggered when trouble trips them. But their journey must be inviolate. We'll only prolong their struggle by intervening where we aren't needed.

It's hard to back away when a friend is in trouble. But telling a friend you love and support him or her may give them the strength they need.

You are reading from the book:

A Woman's Spirit by Karen Casey