Accepting Life

[MajestyJo]

What is accepting life? Is it thinking everything is hunky dorey? I don't think so!

For me, a lot of it is accepting that I can handle life without picking up and having to use to deal with it.

Life didn't get better, I did. It is one of the spiritual principles of the first step. Until I can accept the fact that 'I' have a disease, not those around me, not those I work for, not my siblings, parents and spouse, but me!

Accepting the fact that in the past, the only way I could deal with life was to use. Not just prescription drugs and alcohol, but people, places and things. Looking to be accept, looking for attention, looking for affirmation, "Hey aren't I wonderful!" because couldn't find it within myself. I couldn't accept myself, so I had to go look for someone who did. I had to use something that made me not care how I felt, and I used places to distract me from what was going on because I didn't want to acknowledge it, or I found a place to hide in, or I just went out and got lost in the crowd. I looked for love in all the wrong places! It may be a song, but it was a theme for many years of my life.

If I can't accept me, then I am unable to accept life. Self-esteem, self-worth and self-respect were not something I knew existed. They were beaten out of me a long time ago, if I ever had them in the first place.

I have learned in life that I have to accept it, but I don't have to like it.

I have learned that by accepting life, it gives me more serenity.

I have learned that my acceptance will bring me to a point where I can be honest with me, and surrender to the fact that I am not in control.

God grant me the Serenity,
To accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.

It is the last line that was my problem. I didn't realize I was as smart as I thought I was, and that I was in control and could change anything. Then I found some truth, my truth, that when I surrendered to my Higher Power, I was empowered to do what ever I needed to do for myself. The courage came, the direction came, and sometimes all it said was, "Let go!"

[MajestyJo]

What do I Accept?

1. Do I accept I have an addiction to substances?
2. Do I accept my addiction is a disease, that cannot be cured?
3. Do I accept that all mood altering substances are all equally bad for me because of my disease of addiction?
4. Do I accept I cannot change past events that happened to me or my past actions?
5. Do I accept I cannot control other people?
6. Do I accept that I am responsible for the effort I put into my recovery and my life, but I cannot control the outcomes?
7. Do I accept that bad things do happen to people in recovery?
8. Do I accept that there is no situation, good or bad , that a drink or drug won't make worse
9. Do I accept that if I do not change my thinking and my attitude, my recovery may be at risk?
10. Do I accept that if I keep doing what I did, I'll keep getting what I got?
11. Do I accept that when I am drinking or using I become a slave to the alcohol or drugs and it is my master?
12. Do I accept that I can learn something from every situation good or bad if I am open to learning?
13. Do I accept that recovery is hard work and requires rigorous honesty?
14. Do I accept that the 12 steps (of any of our programs) work if I work the steps?
15. Do I accept suggestions?
16. Do I accept I cannot control situations or people , but I can control how I respond to them
17. Do I accept that recovery needs to be the number 1 priority in my life?
18. Do I accept that I have choices today and I need to accept the consequences of my choices?
19. Do I accept there are always excuses to use or drink but they are all lies I tell to myself
20. Do I accept that when I was drinking or using my Higher Power was drugs and alcohol (gambling, sex, food etc)
21. Do I accept that if I continue to drink or drug my options in life are" insanity, jail, or death?
22. Do I accept that I am responsible for my own recovery, others may help , but the responsibility is mine?

by. Del Larkin

I had to accept that I used people, places and things, and that the substance was but a symptom of my disease, the problem was me. It didn't matter what I picked up or what or who I used, it was me who had the dis-ease and it was me looking outside of myself, trying to make me feel better. I am grateful for the 12 Step programs that allow me to heal from the use of ALL substance and aspects of my dis-ease.

I had to accept that ALL substances cause the same defects of character and shortcomings, no matter what I use(d), I have to accept my powerless and turn it all over to the God of my understanding, surrender and through my Higher Power, I am empowered to stay clean and sober just for today.

[MajestyJo]

My denial was always about alcohol. This helped me to see that I used alcohol the same as I used other substances in my life. It wasn't about I drank, how much I drank, but what it did to me when I did drink it. It was the thinking behind the drinking that was the problem. Every time I picked up, I lost a little of me. I was unrecognizable and all the values and principles that I had been raised with where not visible, and I was an empty vessel when I got to the doors. I had to accept my disease, and find a way to fill up on spiritual things to replace those old ideas, thoughts, habits, behaviours, and patterns.

Because I had a high tolerance for alcohol, I thought I wasn't an alcoholic. I labelled my dad and my ex-husband as alcoholics because they passed out, fell down, staggered, were violent, couldn't walk or drive a straight line. I once said to my dad, "You drove in that condition?" He had just come from his girlfriend's. He looked at me and said, "Well I certainly couldn't walk and proceeded to fall flat on his face and I had to help him to bed.

The reality was that I could match them drink for drink, drive them home, function and resented them for drinking all the booze, before they passed out. I wanted to party and there wasn't much for me. That is when I started hiding my booze. I couldn't have consumed all that liquor and been sober although I never saw myself as drunk. There was only a couple of times that I recall taking the stairs on my hands and knees.

My son says he never saw me drunk, which means he never saw me sober for most of his early years. He was 25 when I came into recovery.

When I saw myself in my dream, because I was wearing red high-heeled shoes and walking a straight line, I was sober. Then I saw myself in living color and saw the person I changed into when I did drink. It wasn't what or how much I drank. It was what it did to me when I did drink it.

Like all drugs, I had the fear of running out, once I had some, I wanted more, thought of living without my crutch and my coping tool was too much to contemplate. I couldn't imagine not having a man in my life. I stayed in abusive relationships when I should have been long gone; yet I didn't feel I could be on my own and cope with life. I was waiting for the right moment to leave, and it never came.

I had to accept that I was an addict. I was always at dis-ease within myself and always looking for some person, place or thing to make me feel better.

Something I posted on another site.

[MajestyJo]

November 11th - NA JUST FOR TODAY

From Surrender To Acceptance

"We surrender quietly and let the God of our understanding take care of us."
Basic Text p. 26

Surrender and acceptance are like infatuation and love. Infatuation begins when we encounter someone special. Infatuation requires nothing but the acknowledgement of the object of our infatuation. For infatuation to become love, however, requires a great deal of effort. That initial connection must be slowly, patiently nurtured into a lasting, durable bond.

It's the same with surrender and acceptance. We surrender when we acknowledge our powerlessness. Slowly, we come to believe that a Power greater than ourselves can give us the care we need. Surrender turns to acceptance when we let this Power into our lives. We examine ourselves and let our God see us as we are. Having allowed the God of our understanding access to the depths of ourselves, we accept more of God's care. We ask this Power to relieve us of our shortcomings and help us amend the wrongs we've done. Then, we embark on a new way of life, improving our conscious contact and accepting our Higher Power's continuing care, guidance, and strength.

Surrender, like infatuation, can be the beginning of a lifelong relationship. To turn surrender into acceptance, however, we must let the God of our understanding take care of us each day.

Just for today: My recovery is more than infatuation. I have surrendered. Today, I will nurture my conscious contact with my Higher Power and accept that Power's continuing care for me.

pg. 329

Doesn't get much better than that. Surrender to win! Surrender isn't giving up, it is giving over to the God of our understanding. When I turn it over, I know that comes my way is from my God, and I can accept it in the moment. It is always good to remember that I don't have to like it in order to accept it.

Acceptance is the key to my sobriety. When I accept what is in the moment, knowing it is subject to change, I can find peace and serenity in today.

[MajestyJo]

Hope members will share their experience, strength and hope on this topic.

I am going through a lot of changes with the change of my medication. Haven't gotten to a place where I am truly accepting of the new. I was not accepting of the old and asked my doctor repeatedly to take me off of it. It took talking to my pharmacist who sent him a fax to say that I shouldn't be on it.

The new medication is working wonders on pain but doesn't eliminate all pain. In comparison to what it was, it seems like none until I get days like today that rains all day. I have been labelled with many things. They are just that labels and I don't allow them to constrict my daily life. I do inspite of them because they can be limiting. I have been diagnosed with fibromyalgia, polymyalgia (from rheumatoid family so I have been told), osteo arthritis. I have gout, and pseudo gout in my feet, knees, back, hands and shoulders. I have degnerative disk disorder. I have neuralgia in my face and neuropathy in my feet from the diabetes. I was told that I probably suffer from PTSD and AADD. I have suffered from chronic pain for years and it was why I used. The 12 Steps are applicable to all areas of my life. I could no longer use safely. There are some medications I have to take, but I dont misuse and abuse them. I take them under doctor's orders and I make sure my doctors, specialist, etc. are aware of the fact that I am a recovering addict/alcoholic. They say to get rid of the tremon disorder, all I would have to do was pick up a drink of liquor and it would be gone. That is not an option, so we are in need of an alternative.

I think the shaking in my hands is from the previous medication and not caused by the new. I will be trying patiently to wait to see the neurologist on November 2nd.

With the eye surgery pending, I have a lot of things to wait on. My eye appears to be getting worse if I use it too much. The monitor and the lights in my kitchen are really hard on it.

As soon as I find that I acceptance, things move forward and the change can come into being. It is a process and doesn't happen over night. The five As of change: Aware I have a challenge, admit to myself, to my God and a friend, the nature of my issue. My sponsor always said, "Problems you can stay stuck in, challenges you can overcome." Then you have to accept what is, you don't have to like it, you don't even have to do anything but accept it for what it is in the moment, knowing it is subject to change. It is what it is, and of myself, there is nothing I can do about it. Then I need to take action to bring about change which will give me a change of attitude concerning the issue. Or I have to change the attitude, so i can take action necessary to bring about change.

It is also part of the grieving process. When ever there is a change in our life, a loss of any kind, it doesn't have to be a death. It can be a change in routine, a health issues, a change of job or moving to a new residents, it can be a diet, a detour to work, a habit and a routine that no longer serves us.

Early recovery is about grief work that you need to go through with a sponsor. The loss of our drug of choice that use to be our best friend and became our greatest enemy. It was my support and way of coping until it took over my life, and I lost me in the process. I had the grieve the girl that was. I had to grieve the girl I became. I had to grieve what I could no longer have in my life to stay clean and sober. I had to make healthy choices and I needed to accept that I could get by without that old crutch, that old 'friend' and/or that old place that I use to frequent.

One day at a time, it does get better.

[MajestyJo]

Self-Acceptance

"The most effective means of achieving self-acceptance is through applying the Twelve Steps of recovery."

IP No. 19, "Self-Acceptance"

NA JFT August 26

Mine was nil, mostly because for most of my life that I wasn't acceptable. I was this creature with so much wrong with her, how could anyone, let alone myself accept me. I came from a very low place, and I am so grateful for the program and the opportunity to rebuild my life.

Just for today: Self-acceptance is a process set in motion by the Twelve Steps. Today, I will trust the process, practice the steps, and learn to better accept myself.

Recovery is a process, just for today, I choose to work the program. Through working the program, I can grow into the person I would like to be and who is liked by others.

Service had a big part of my recovery and it was through it that I found that self-esteem and self-acceptance.

Through the program, I could pass through the darkness into the sunshine. I am no angel, but my guardian angel leads and guides me.

Until I can find that place of acceptance, I stay stuck. I don't have to like it, I just have to accept what is in the moment, knowing it is subject to change, which can be negative or positive.

[MajestyJo]

"When we accept ourselves, we can accept others into our lives, unconditionally probably for the first time."

IP No. 19, "Self-Acceptance"

This is my favorite NA pamphlet. When I saw that today, I had a little chuckle. I got up today and looked in the mirror and said, "What a hag!" Not a lot of self-acceptance there.

I was sharing with my sponsor earlier and we both agreed, it is all about today. We both feel that we need this program just as much now as we did when we came into the program. She just celebrated 34 years sober last month. I phoned to apologize for missing her anniversary. It isn't wheel chair accessible, but in the past, I have always phoned. As she said, "She needed to hear from me in today, so it is good that I called.

She is 74 years old and I am two months off of being 70, and it was a big thing for both of us to find that self-acceptance. She does Reiki, and taught me a lot about self-healing and about changing my outlook, habit and attitude about life.

I reminded her of when I was 2 years sober and wanting to go to the top of the CIBC building which was newly built and saying, "Hey people, I have found this new way of living, let me tell you all about it." I wanted to tell the world. Here I am in today sharing with the world.

I know in today that I am an addict. That applies to all areas of my life. She has a copy of the Emotions Anonymous book and I hope to get a loan of it one of these days. I did have some pamphlets at one time, not sure if they are around or not. It is the emotional side of my recovery that I need to work on, for me it is the thinking behind the substance I choose to pick up in today. Today, I accept where I am at in today, knowing that all things are subject to change.

These are posts I made on another site.

[MajestyJo]

December 21
Acceptance And Change

"Freedom to change seems to come after acceptance of ourselves."

Basic Text pg. 56

Fear and denial are the opposites of acceptance. None of us are perfect, even in our own eyes; all of us have certain traits that, given the chance, we would like to change. We sometimes become overwhelmed when contemplating how far short we fall of our ideals, so overwhelmed that we fear there's no chance of becoming the people we'd like to be. That's when our defense mechanism of denial kicks in, taking us to the opposite extreme: nothing about ourselves needs changing, we tell ourselves, so why worry? Neither extreme gives us the freedom to change.

Whether we are long-time NA members or new to recovery, the freedom to change is acquired by working the Twelve Steps. When we admit our powerlessness and the unmanageability of our lives, we counteract the lie that says we don't have to change. In coming to believe that a Power greater than we are can help us, we lose our fear that we are damaged beyond repair; we come to believe we can change. We turn ourselves over to the care of the God of our understanding and tap the strength we need to make a thorough, honest examination of ourselves. We admit to God, to ourselves, and to another human being what we've found. We accept the good and the bad in ourselves; with this acceptance, we become free to change.

Just for today: I want to change. By working the steps, I will counter fear and denial and find the acceptance needed to change.

pg. 371

When I read the reading from Just for Today, I thought it was the answer to most of my life.

For so many years, I have just accepted that there will be pain and there was nothing I could do about it. I never considered the source and I am not sure anything can be done about it.

As my arthritis finds it's way to more spots and escalates in my body, I will have to find more acceptance and be willing to make changes in my life. I just can't do what I use to do, the way I use to do it and when I want to do it.

Recovery taught me to accept my addiction, through that acceptance I learned to accept other things in my life. Accept what is in the moment, knowing it is subject to change. I don't have to like it. I don't have to know what it is. I don't have to know what is causing it. I just have to know it is!

Have reach out to different sources over the years, the Holistic Center has been life saving for me.

[MajestyJo]

Acceptance seems to be the solution to so many things going on in my life at the moment.

This weekend I got thinking, I am almost 70. It was an enlightening moment. I haven't looked my age for years. I didn't feel my age until the last few pain filled years.

I have never aged gracefully, have gone kicking and screaming all the way. Yet on the whole, when I look back at it, I really didn't practice a lot of self care and as a result, my body is feeling the way it does.

It was good to go to the convention and have people tell me that I was looking good. On the whole, inside I was feeling good which was bonus. I went there with an open mind and an attitude of acceptance that I needed to be there and was open to any message that came my way.

This was the same sentiments I had when I went to the Holistic Center today. Willing to let go, willing to receive, asking for help and open to the Creator's Will.

[MajestyJo]

Accept me as I am I have no guarantee.

A claim to perfection I have not. Perfect I cannot be.

I, like you.....am human. Prone to make mistakes.

Failure is not a character flaw, Just a part of the human makeup.

I live, I laugh and I also learn. My knowledge is incomplete.

I am searching all the time, in waking hours as well as sleep.

I have a long road to travel, as well as you do.

We learn our lessons on the way. Wisdom we shall accrue.

So please accept me as I am Because I am .... Just me.

No one like me in the world. That is my only guarantee.

This is how I feel I have a heart, open it and see
Please take care That's all I am, just me.


--Author Unknown

That is what recovery is all about, changing my thoughts, responses, and actions, so that the old me doesn't act out in my disease by going back into old patterns and behaviours.

[MajestyJo]

Acceptance of others is easier for me than of where I am in the moment. I also find that when I don't listen to myself, I get resentful. Often that puts me in places, with others, that I wish not to be around. Accepting of them, tolerance is another matter. I am grateful for the knowledge of knowing where people come from, yet have very little acceptance and tolerance for those who excuse their behavior by saying, "I'm an alcoholic you know?" I am an adult child, what do you expect? I am an addict, that is what addicts do. Recovery is about change and not staying in old behaviour, about moving ahead and not going back to where I came from. So, you can see, I can still be judgmental, yet I am my hardest critic!

Knowingness is such a powerful thing. To be able to be in the 'know' instead of the chaos and uncertainty of active addiction, be it living with my own, or someone else's. Being at one with oneself, in the know with what is best for me it a great gift. I lived my life through other people for so many years and I had no identity of my own.

Serenity and being comfortable with myself is certainly a God given gift of this program, through working the Steps, I not only found God, I found myself.

Acceptance is the key to all areas of recovery, it doesn't matter what substance you use, be it people, places, and/or things.

[MajestyJo]

When one door closes, another door opens. It's waiting in the hallway that's hell. I am not a slow learner. I am just, sometimes, a slow accepter.

Pocket Sponsor - Book


This really speaks volumns to me. I am aware, that another door opens, sometimes a window and to my way of thinking, it can be a tunnel, an underground passage, whatever it is, it is available if I choose to take it.

I too am not a slow learner but I need to learn to slow things down and give somethings more time to process before I react. I am better than I was, but something that God and I still need to work on. It is a daily thing, some days are better than others.

And as they say, acceptance is the key. Most times for me to find acceptance, it is a process. I quite often have to knaw on it a little bit, before I can come to a decision. Quite often I have to deliberate and ask, "Is this one yours God or mine?" Sometimes I even ask Him to rethink His answer or change His mind and have even been known to try to prove Him wrong.

I know He knows best, yet I firmly believe He leads and guides me. If I am doing His will, how come I got to where I did and then I have to give it some more thought. Generally, it is that I got side tracked, took a wrong turn, misunderstood, or someone else got in the way, and I allowed it and gave up my own power. When that happens, I have to accept my own failings, and surrender and turn them back over to Him again.

When I just accept what is, in the moment, life doesn't get any better than that.

Sorry if these are repeats. Many times I say the same thing, often using different words, but what ever I have posted, no matter what year it came from, all has meaning and applicable in today.

Sometimes I need to be accepting of some nasty stuff, most often brought on by my own decisions, I am where I am in today, as a result of choices made. It also applies to the joy and happiness in the moment, if I don't accept it, acknowledge it, give thanks for it, it can pass me by.

[MajestyJo]

There was very little acceptance in my life. I fought abuse and rebelled against anything and everything. I was definitely the defiant one.

I was also accused of not getting sober by the book. People told me the first 164 pages. I said, "Is that all there is, I want more." What I found out that no matter where I looked outside of the rooms, they always led me back there. I went to other fellowships, and came back to AA, mainly because of my denial. I identified more with addicts and yet a lot of addicts didn't always identify with me because to them I wasn't an addict because I didn't do street drugs and the heavy duty pills like perks and oxys. As I told one member, I feel like an AA reject.

Even now, I am more inclined to say, "Don't tell me, show me."

I know that when I find that acceptance, it makes all the difference, so I don't know why I fight it. Not so much any more, but it took a long time and it wasn't until I heard, you didn't have to like it to accept it, I struggled.

Acceptance is part of the First Step. I had to accept my disease. It is also a part of the grieving process. Any time we go through loss or change in our life, we go through that grieving process, so it is very much a part of our lives.

The biggest challenge was accepting me. The people in the rooms loved me back to good health. They gave me the love I couldn't find within myself.
I like the part about attitude and the way we look at things, that is me. I think there is goodness to be found in all things. Sometimes you have to look real hard to see it, but even if the only thing is the fact the person is sober, that is special in and of itself.

Acceptance is the key as the Big Book says. If I accept it for what it is, the way it is, in the moment, I know that when I surrender it to my Higher Power, it will change, without any help from me. Sometimes all I have to do is get out of the way. Other times, I have to do the footwork, for me that is showing a willingness to change to be open to new things.

It was a real gift to find out that I didn't have to like it in order to accept it.

Something I posted on The Five As in 2011

[MajestyJo]

Acceptance of our past, acceptance of the conditions presently in our lives that we cannot change, brings relief. It brings the peacefulness we so often, so frantically, seek.

We can put the past behind us.

Each day a new beginning (see next post)

A good read! The end of a year, the beginning of a new one. A good opportunity to leave to past in 2013 and make a new beginning in 2014.

Once I find acceptance, I can move on. What was was! What is in today is! What is in tomorrow, is unknown! It doesn't have to be the same as the past, when we live in today and make healthy choices. I can change the old tapes and patterns, make new ones to take into the future, with the help of my Higher Power. When I make Him/Her a part of the equation, things will not turn out the same unless I wish to repeat past mistakes and bring the past into my today.

For many years, I didn't know the wisdom to know the difference. I still hung onto the controlling ways of my past and still wanted to fix things or do things, finding it hard to wait for God or to allow others to do for me or give them a chance to grow and do for themselves.

I know when everyone told me to quit smoking, I dug in my heels and continued to smoke. I told them, "If you are going to pray for me, do it quietly so I don't hear. If I hear you, I just get more determined to continue doing." I get the old attitude, "Don't tell me I can't or shouldn't, watch me!"

Criticism and being told what I should do really got my dander up. In today, I embrace change. I don't mind criticism if it is done with a kind heart and said in a non-intrusive way.

Again, I could accept the fact that I needed to quit smoking but unless I followed it up with action, and changing my attitude, I couldn't quit.

Acceptance is part of the process of change: awareness, admittance, acceptance, attitude, action. It is a big part of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Until I find that acceptance, I can't let go.

Grieving is just not about death, it is about loss, change due to circumstance in our life and they are all the same process.

Each day is a new beginning. So have a good one! I am the one who controls the 'play' button. I can also rewind and play the tape over and over, or I can erase it and make a new tape.

Very much needing acceptance in today and every day. It is the key to recovery for me. Accepting what is knowing it is subject to change. What was is no more. Leaving the past in the past, and accepting today as it comes, one day at a time.

[MajestyJo]

You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning

... satisfaction is a lowly thing, how pure a thing is joy.
—Marianne Moore

Our perfectionism generally dashes all hopes of self-satisfaction. But the program is here to show us that we can make progress. We can learn to believe that we are doing any task as well as we need to do it, at this time. Our job is the effort. The outcome is part of a larger plan, one that involves more than ourselves.

We'll find joy when we find acceptance of ourselves and our efforts and the belief that we are spiritual beings whose lives do have purpose and direction.

The wisdom that accompanies spiritual growth offers us security, that which we have sought along many avenues. And when we feel secure, we can trust that the challenges confronting us are purposeful and to our advantage.

One day at a time, one small prayer at a time, moves us even closer to spiritual security. We can look with glad anticipation at our many responsibilities and activities today. They are our opportunities for spiritual security. We can trust our growing inner resources by simply asking for guidance and waiting patiently. It will find us.

I must exercise my prayers if I want the spiritual security where I can find joy. I will ask for guidance with every activity today.

Reference from previous post.

I need to accept that I am worthy of recovery and love.