Relapse Avoidance and Recovery

[bluidkiti]

Relapse Avoidance and Recovery

Relapse happens. In fact, it happens a lot. Researchers have found that 90% of alcoholics who go through treatment relapse within the first four years of sobriety. That’s true for drug addicts, too. A million people go on diets and start exercise programs every day and a million people give them up every day. That’s just the way it is.

So are you doomed to relapse? No, it isn’t required. I’ve known a good many alcoholics and addicts who quit drinking and drugging years ago and haven’t relapsed yet. I relapsed from alcohol and cigarettes after quitting, but that happened when I was trying to quit on my own. Since I sought and received help, I haven’t relapsed. The tools and strategies that I learned from the treatment center and from other alcoholics have worked so far. In fact, the sobriety tools have worked for smoking and for diet and exercise too. The common thread among those who avoid relapse is their commitment to keep working at it. They make sobriety and healthy living their first priority. They don’t make excuses. They are committed to a better life and nothing's going to take that away from them.
Unfortunately, though, relapse is a reality for the vast majority of us who are trying to get better. And here’s the great danger: many people who relapse feel so badly about themselves, are so embarrassed, are so depressed about the relapse, that they give up. They don’t try again. Or, they go through the misery for many more years before they hit a new bottom sufficiently horrible to motivate them to try again. A lot of them die.
Be Prepared
Don’t plan to relapse. That’s dumb. If you quit drinking, smoking, eating, or slothing with the notion that relapse is normal and acceptable, you’re flat doomed. Instead, learn and practice relapse prevention strategies so you avoid it. You should however, think about what you will do if you do relapse before it happens. I was a Boy Scout for two weeks. I didn’t like it much. That was my fault, not the Boy Scouts. But in those two weeks, I latched onto the Boy Scouts’ motto: Be Prepared. You should too. Don’t wait until you wake up the morning after a relapse and have no idea what to do next except feel really, really lousy. You should have thought about how you’re going to get back on your program if relapse happens. Don’t let embarrassment or regret threaten your life by keeping you in your addiction or other self-destructive behavior.

Early in my sobriety, I witnessed something that demonstrated how tenuous sobriety is. It happened at my first after care meeting at the treatment center. Because I was new to the group, the meeting started with me telling the rest of the group about what brought me into the treatment program. After I finished, the counselor announced that we were going help a fellow member named John get “framed up” for having his driver’s license reinstated in the coming week. She explained that John had been in after-care for a year. His driver’s license had been suspended more than a year ago because of his drinking. We were going to spend the hour helping John figure out how to avoid getting drunk once he got his license back and was free to drive to the liquor store again if he chose to.

I was amazed, and a little irritated, that we were spending the entire meeting on this. Surely it wasn’t necessary. The guy had been without a driver’s license for one year because of his alcohol drinking. He’d gone through treatment and had been in after-care for a year. I mean, eventually he might get drunk again, like a year from now, if he doesn’t keep going to after-care or continue to get help somewhere, but not now, for God’s sake. If this is what after-care is all about, the next two years are really going to suck.

A week later, John wasn’t in the meeting. When the meeting started, the counselor said, “I have some bad news. John’s back in the day program. He went out and got drunk last weekend.”

What? You have to be kidding!

She wasn’t. John had lasted until Saturday night. He went to a party and got drunk.

Unbelievable.

But it was true. John taught me the necessity of being on constant guard against relapse. Alcoholics Anonymous founder Bill Wilson called the disease of alcoholism cunning, baffling, and powerful. That’s so true. So is the desire to eat brownies and sit in the recliner all day. My alcoholism, nicotine addiction, obsession with fattening food, and attraction to sloth are just sitting there waiting, like vultures. They are incredibly patient. They’ll wait a day, a year, a decade, and more.
Don't Want to Change? Expect Relapse
Over the years, I’ve watched alcoholics and addicts relapse. Some decided that if they’ve been able to keep from drinking or drugging for a while, they must be able to control it. They can’t. Never happens. Others tried to keep from drinking, but don’t change their lifestyles. They still hang around in bars, keep the same friends, and do the same things. They drink again. Some try to white knuckle it without doing anything to change the way they respond to life. When bad things happen, they have no defense against them. The misery, anxiety, fear, or any other feeling they tried to change by drinking or drugging never goes away. Eventually the continuing misery leads them to say, “To hell with it.” They drink or drug again.

I relapsed when I was trying to quit drinking by myself. I was looking out a hotel window in Texas, feeling uncomfortable and out-of-place because of being in close quarters with a bunch of strangers, and saw the liquor store. I knew vodka would change those feelings. As I stood and stared at that store, my mind went through the mental gymnastics that led me to go and buy a fifth of vodka. Now I know that I relapsed the nanosecond I saw that liquor store. I didn’t really need to go through all that thinking to convince myself it would be OK to drink in Texas. I was doomed the moment I saw the store because I was extremely needy and I had no defense against my desire to use alcohol to feel different. I had no tools to keep from drinking alcohol and had no strategies to help me feel different without alcohol. At that moment, I didn’t have a chance. No amount of self-will in the world would have changed the outcome. I knew nothing about what to do to avoid relapse. Relapse was inevitable.

So how do you avoid relapse?
Priority One
The first defense against relapse is to stay centered in the desire to remain healthy by making sobriety and healthy living an absolute priority in our day-to-day lives. I’ve heard alcoholics use this analogy: Before every airline flight, the flight attendants tell passengers what to do if cabin pressure is lost. Oxygen masks will drop from above their heads. Passengers are instructed to put their on masks on first. Even if you have a child gasping for air next to you, put yours on first. You have to take care of yourself first, then care for your children and others after that. If you don’t put your mask on first, you will be disabled and will be unable to help anyone else. Same with sobriety. I know a recovering alcoholic who disagreed with putting sobriety first. He put it in third place. God was first and family was second. He was proud of that. He relapsed and is still drinking. Here’s the deal: You can’t have God or a family if you’re drunk. Sobriety has to come first. It’s not selfish to put healthy living first. Absent that, you can’t be there for others.

Complacency is the friend of relapse. If we ever believe we have our problems licked and quit working at the solutions, we’re doomed. Don’t do that. Like diabetics, we are never cured. Instead, we have to manage our conditions to stay healthy. Keep doing the things that helped you to quit in the first place, whatever that is. For me, that means doing all those things outlined in the previous chapters – things like living one day at a time, reordering priorities by gaining new perspectives on what’s important in life, living life on life’s terms, never making exceptions, and the rest.

Become aware of triggers and avoid them. Remember the acronym HALT – hungry, angry, lonely, tired. Any of those feelings will often lead to relapse. Stay aware of what you’re feeling and take action when you find yourself on dangerous ground.

Romancing our addictions is a sure road to relapse. Whatever our addiction, there were times when the substance worked for us. Bad things didn’t happen every time we drank, smoked, or ate excessively. Not at all. In fact, some of my favorite memories come from times when I was drinking alcohol. There’s nothing much better than sitting on the condo balcony looking out at the ocean and having a gentle buzz going. Too bad the legacy of that behavior is so very lousy. I loved that first cigarette after coming out of a movie. I remember sitting in my grandmother’s kitchen while she cooked and eating her chocolate fudge cookies with great fondness. I’ve got to keep remembering where all that will lead me when I want to romance those things.
Overcome Cravings
When we’re faced with cravings to drink, drug, eat, or sloth, there are things we can do. We can call a buddy and talk about our obsession. The buddy needs to be somebody who shares our issues because we need someone to commiserate with us and remind us of what works. If you talk to someone who doesn’t share your problem, whatever they say will be preaching and lecturing. That seldom works. Alcoholics need to call another alcoholic. Drug addicts need to call another addict. Develop former smokers as the relapse prevention buddy. Same with diet and exercise. If I’m sitting on the couch, deciding not to do my run today, I need to call my exercise buddy so he can remind me what happens if I miss a day. If we wait until the obsession, or fit of laziness, hits us, it’s too late to find a buddy. We need to have them set up and ready to call.

We can carry it through to the end. When I’m dying to light that cigarette, I think about where that first puff will take me. Right now, most of the time I’m not thinking about cigarettes, but if I take even a tiny puff, the nicotine will trigger my obsession and I’ll be right back to the misery of nonstop craving. I’ll smoke again. I’ll spend lots of money, stink, and eventually die. If I carry it trough to the end, chances are I’ll decide to let time pass before lighting up and the obsession will leave me.

When eating chocolate chip cookies sound good, I carry it through to the end. I envision myself struggling to put on too tight pants in the morning. I envision myself back on the cardiac cath table, only this time they’re inserting a stint. I don’t want to do that, so I skip the chocolate chip cookie.Play the tape all the way through and the craving will pass.

Speaking of passing, cravings do that. “This to shall pass,” seems simplistic. It is, but it’s true. When I’m hit with a craving, I’ve learned to take a deep breath, and engage in some self-talk. I tell myself that the craving is temporary. There will come a time when I won’t be thinking that life isn’t worth living without cigarettes. In fact, that time will come in just a few minutes. Soon I’ll focus on something else and those awful feelings will go away. I’m always right. A few minutes later I realize I had stopped thinking about cigarettes. I am again grateful they don’t control my life as they once did.

Actually, everything passes eventually. Often, I remember that I had been really irritated, or depressed, or angry about something not long before – maybe last week. I remember that I had a hard time sleeping from thinking about it. But, I can’t for the life of me remember what it was I was upset about. No doubt something had happened, but what was it? That happens often enough so that it’s legitimate for me to remind myself when I have a craving, or am upset by some event, or worried about some future event, that there will come a time when I won’t even be able to remember what I’m upset about! That’s what “This too shall pass” really means.
Attitude Adjustment
Our attitudes about life can go a long way toward preventing relapse. Things that seem bad and make me feel bad are triggers. But, way more often than not things that seem bad turn out to good. An alcoholic I know named Jonathan was arrested for DUI one morning while he was on his way to work. I was acquainted with him before that happened, but had no idea he had a problem with alcohol. As he told me about his arrest, his distress was obvious. He was embarrassed, scared, and angry. He hadn’t met with his supervisors yet and didn’t know if he still had a job or not. By now, I’d heard the same story a hundred times. I asked, “Do you think you have a problem with alcohol?” He shrugged. “Tell you what .I’ll answer the question for you. Normally, I wouldn’t. You have to decide that for yourself. But, Jonathan, this is different. If you’re drinking in the morning before you go to work and you get a DUI, you have a problem. Don’t know the extent of it, but you have one.”

“Yeah.” He paused. “I’m going to an AA meeting tonight.” He didn’t look happy about that.

“Let me tell you something, Jonathan. Right now, it’s obvious you don’t like that much. But, if you’re an alcoholic, and you do what it takes to quit drinking alcohol -- go to A.A., go to treatment or whatever else you finds that works. If you do that and don’t drink alcohol anymore, there will come a day when you will be grateful for this D.U.I., whether you’re fired from the job you have now or not.”

He looked irritated. ‘Yeah, right,” he said.

A year later, and still sober, he told me the D.U.I. arrest was the best thing that ever happened to him. If he hadn’t been arrested, he’d still be drinking alcohol and still be miserable. He’d still be embarrassing himself. He’d still be making all life decisions based on how they affected his ability to drink alcohol. He told me he remembered what I’d told him the year before and said I was right. When we come to view all life’s events as learning opportunities, we are less likely to try to change our feelings by drinking, drugging, or eating.
Gratitude
Keeping gratitude in the forefront of our consciousness provides another defense for relapse. I’ve heard many recovering alcoholics talk about how grateful they were that they were alcoholics. That’s because life’s gotten so much better in sobriety. Before, life seemed impossible without alcohol. Now, life is massively better without alcohol. More importantly, in order to stay sober they’ve had to learn to deal with life on life’s terms. They no longer worry about the stuff that used to drive them crazy. They no longer wake up and grab their head in embarrassment when they remember something they’ve done the night before because they don’t do those embarrassing things anymore. They no longer wake up, have to figure out where they are, and go looking for their car.

They are grateful.

Gratitude’s more that, though. It’s an antidote to depression and anxiety. It’s easy to focus on what’s wrong. It takes some effort to notice what’s right. The former drags us down. The latter pulls us up. Here’s the prescription I’ve been given by those who have been successful in avoiding relapse: Whether you’re an alcoholic or not, put this book down right now. Get a piece of paper and start making a list. A gratitude list. Don’t spend a lot of time wondering if you should be grateful for something or not. Just write it down. Write down a hundred things. Seems impossible? It isn’t. Just get started. Put the list in your wallet. When you feel down, angry, hurt, or discouraged, pull out your gratitude list and look at it. Add to it. Tell somebody about something on the list. Do that and you’ll feel better. If we feel better, our odds of relapse are greatly diminished.

Most people who quit drinking, smoking, getting fat, and being lazy will relapse. You don’t have to, though. I’ve shared a sampling of strategies I’ve used to avoid relapse. There are more. Look for them. If you do relapse despite the efforts you make, don’t make that an excuse not to try get better again. I know alcoholics who relapsed multiple times before getting it. Problem is, I’ve know some who relapsed and didn’t make it back. They died first. You don’t want to do that. If you do relapse, gather yourself quickly, work to recapture the willingness, and try again.

http://www.myreclaimedlife.com/toolsrelapse.htm

[krafty]

Thank you for the article it was what I needed

[MajestyJo]

It is my firm believe that we relapse long before we pick up the drink or the drug of our choice.

Many people, don't realize that when they substitute their drug of choice for something else, they have in part relapsed. They figure that food, gambling, work (busy), and exercise are healthy and are better for them than their drug of choice.

What I didn't realize until I was in it with my compute...r, was that it leads to the same soul sickness. The same stinking thinking came back, the isolation and the remorse and guilt for not doing what I was suppose to be doing because I had my nose in the computer.

It is fun. It is my escape, and yet is it good fun if it takes us back into our obsessive, compulsive way of living.

The drug was but a symptom of my disease. The problem was and is and always will be me.

SLIP - Sobriety Loses It's Priority.

I can have a lapse and forget that I am an addict. That for me some is good, more is better.

Balance is good. Gaining 50-60 lbs and working 50-60 hours is not good. Losing $100. I can't afford to lose and running a 100 miles a week, which is time and money I can't really afford, is not good. Recovery is about making healthy choices.

When I decided to quit smoking, people said, "Oh we will still love you even if you gain 20-30 lbs. I said, "I will not love myself and started smoking after 6 days of quitting. For me to gain weight is fear, my mother died from obesity which led to a bad heart. She was told to lose weight and she didn't. She chose to carry the message to use is to die. My father chose to drink himself to death.

When I did make another decision, I used the program, and carried crystals in my hand so I wouldn't pick up something that wasn't healthy. I lost 3 lbs. I wanted to go back to smoking when my doctor put me on Prednisone and I gained 20 lbs. that I have never been able to take off.

As my doctor says, "A healthy mind makes for a healthy body."

[MajestyJo]

William Duncan Silkworth, M.D.
{ the little doc who loved drunks }
author of "The Doctors Opinion"

The mystery of slips is not so deep as it may appear. While it does seem odd that an alcoholic, who has restored himself to a dignified ...place among his fellowmen and continues dry for years, should suddenly throw all his happiness overboard and find himself again in mortal peril of drowning in liquor, often the reason is simple.

People are inclined to say, "there is something peculiar about alcoholics. They seem to be well, yet at any moment they may turn back to their old ways. You can never be sure."

This is largely twaddle. The alcoholic is a sick person. Under the technique of Alcoholics Anonymous he gets well - that is to say, his disease is arrested. There is nothing unpredictable about him any more than there is anything weird about a person who has arrested diabetes.

Let's get it clear, once and for all, that alcoholics are human beings. Then we can safeguard ourselves intelligently against most slips.

In both professional and lay circles, there is a tendency to label everything that an alcoholic may do as "alcoholic behavior." The truth is, it is simple human nature.

It is very wrong to consider any of the personality traits observed in liquor addicts as peculiar to the alcoholic. Emotional and mental quirks are classified as symptoms of alcoholism merely because alcoholics have them, yet those same quirks can be found among non-alcoholics too. Actually they are symptoms of mankind!

Of course, the alcoholic himself tends to think of himself as different, somebody special, with unique tendencies and reactions. Many psychiatrists, doctors, and therapists carry the same idea to extremes in their analyses and treatment of alcoholics.

Sometimes they make a complicated mystery of a condition which is found in all human beings, whether they drink whiskey or buttermilk.

To be sure, alcoholism, like every other disease, does manifest itself in some unique ways. It does have a number of baffling peculiarities which differ from those of all other diseases.

At the same time, any of the symptoms and much of the behavior of alcoholism are closely paralleled and even duplicated in other diseases.

The slip is a relapse! It is a relapse that occurs after the alcoholic has stopped drinking and started on the A.A. program of recovery. Slips usually occur in the early states of the alcoholic's A.A. indoctrination, before he has had time to learn enough of the A.A. techniques and A.A. philosophy to give him a solid footing. But slips may also occur after an alcoholic has been a member of A.A. for many months or even several years, and it is in this kind, above all, that often finds a marked similarity between the alcoholic's behavior and that of "normal" victims of other diseases.

No one is startled by the fact that relapses are not uncommon among arrested tubercular patients. But here is a startling fact - the cause is often the same as the cause which leads to slips for the alcoholic.

It happens this way: When a tubercular patient recovers sufficiently to be released from the sanitarium, the doctor gives him careful instructions for the way he is to live when he gets home. He must drink plenty of milk. He must refrain from smoking. He must obey other stringent rules.

For the first several months, perhaps for several years, the patient follows directions. But as his strength increases and he feels fully recovered, he becomes slack. There may come the night when he decides he can stay up until ten o'clock. When he does this, nothing untoward happens. Soon he is disregarding the directions given him when he left the sanitarium. Eventually he has a relapse.

The same tragedy can be found in cardiac cases. After the heart attack, the patient is put on a strict rests schedule. Frightened, he naturally follows directions obediently for a long time. He, too, goes to bed early, avoids exercise such as walking upstairs, quits smoking, and leads a Spartan life. Eventually, though there comes a day, after he has been feeling good for months or several years, when he feels he has regained his strength, and has also recovered from his fright. If the elevator is out of repair one day, he walks up the three flights of stairs. Or he decides to go to a party - or do just a little smoking - or take a thingytail or two. If no serious aftereffects follow the first departure from the rigorous schedule prescribed, he may try it again, until he suffers a relapse.

In both cardiac and tubercular cases, the acts which led to the relapses were preceded by wrong thinking. The patient in each case rationalized himself out of a sense of his own perilous reality. He deliberately turned away from his knowledge of the fact that he had been the victim of a serious disease. He grew overconfident. He decided he didn't have to follow directions.

Now that is precisely what happens with the alcoholic - the arrested alcoholic, or the alcoholic in A.A. who has a slip. Obviously, he decides to take a drink again some time before he actually takes it. He starts thinking wrong before he actually embarks on the course that leads to a slip.

There is no reason to charge the slip to alcoholic behavior or a second heart attack to cardiac behavior. The alcoholic slip is not a symptom of a psychotic condition. There's nothing screwy about it at all. The patient simply didn't follow directions.

For the alcoholic, A.A. offers the directions. A vital factor, or ingredient of the preventive, especially for the alcoholic, is sustained emotion. The alcoholic who learns some of the techniques or the mechanics of A.A. but misses the philosophy or the spirit may get tired off following directions - not because he is alcoholic, but because he is human. Rules and regulations irk almost anyone, because they are restraining, prohibitive, negative. The philosophy of A.A. however, is positive and provides ample sustained emotion - a sustained desire to follow directions voluntarily.

In any event, the psychology of the alcoholic is not as different as some people try to make it. The disease has certain physical differences, yes, and the alcoholic has problems peculiar to him, perhaps, in that he has been put on the defensive and consequently has developed frustrations. But in many instances, there is no more reason to be talking about "the alcoholic mind" than there is to try to describe something called "the cardiac mind" or the "TB mind."

I think we'll help the alcoholic more if we can first recognize that he is primarily a human being - afflicted with human nature.

[MajestyJo]

From my old site JoAnne' Kitchen and posted on another site.

The following is a checklist of symptoms leading to relapse (taken from a Hazelden Foundation pamphlet called, "A Look at Relapse")

1. EXHAUSTION - Allowing yourself to become overly tired or in poor health. Some Alcoholics are also prone... to work addictions - perhaps in a hurry to make up for lost time.
Good health and enough rest are important. If you feel well you are more apt to think well. Feel poorly and your thinking is apt to deteriorate. Feel bad enough and you might begin thinking a drink couldn't make it any worse.

2. DISHONESTY - This begins with a pattern of unnecessary little lies and deceits with fellow workers, friends, and family. Then come important lies to yourself. This is called "rationalizing" - making excuses for not doing what you don't want to do, or for doing what you know you should not do.

3. IMPATIENCE - Things are not happening fast enough. Or, others are not doing what they should or what you want them to do.

4. ARGUMENTATIVENESS - Arguing small and ridiculous points of view indicates a need to always be right. "Why don't you be reasonable and agree with me?" Looking for an excuse to drink?

5. DEPRESSION - Unreasonable and unaccountable despair may occur in cycles and should be dealt with - talked about.

6. FRUSTRATION - At people and also because things may not be going your way. Remember -- everything is not going to be just the way you want it to be.

7. SELF-PITY - "Why do these things happen to me?" "Why must I be an alcoholic?" Nobody appreciates all I am doing - for them?

8. COCKINESS - Got it made - no longer fear alcoholism - going into drinking situations to prove to others you have no problem. Do this often enough and it will wear down your
defenses.

9. COMPLACENCY - "Drinking was the furthest thing from my mind." Not drinking was no longer a conscious thought, either. It is dangerous to let up on disciplines just because everything is going well. Always to have a little fear is a good thing. More relapses occur when things are going well than otherwise.

10. EXPECTING TOO MUCH FROM OTHERS - "I've changed; why hasn't everyone else?" It's a plus if they do, but it is still your problem if they do not. They may not trust you yet, may still be looking for further proof. You cannot expect others to change their style of life just because you have.

11. LETTING UP ON DISCIPLINES - Prayer, meditation, daily inventory, AA attendance. This can stem either from complacency or boredom. You cannot afford to be bored with your program. The cost of relapse is always too great.

12. USE OF MOOD-ALTERING CHEMICALS - You may feel the need to ease things with a pill, and your doctor may go along with you. You may never have had a problem with chemicals other than alcohol, but you can easily lose sobriety starting this way - about the most subtle way of having a relapse. Remember you will be cheating! The reverse of his is true for drug-dependent persons who start to drink.

13. WANTING TOO MUCH - Do not set goals you cannot reach with normal effort. Do not expect too much. It's always great when good things you were not expecting happen. You will get what you are entitled to as long as you do your best, but maybe not as soon as you think you should. "Happiness is not having what you want, but wanting what you have."

14. FORGETTING GRATITUDE - You may be looking negatively on your life, concentrating on problems that still are not totally corrected. Nobody wants to be a Pollyanna - but it is good to remember where you started from, and how much better life is now.

15. "IT CAN'T HAPPEN TO ME" - This is dangerous thinking. Almost anything can happen to you if you get careless. Remember you have a progressive disease, and you will be in worse shape if you relapse.

16. OMNIPOTENCE - This is a feeling that results from a combination of many of the above. You now have all the answers for yourself and others. No one can tell you anything. You ignore suggestions or advice from others. Relapse is probably imminent unless drastic change takes place.

[MajestyJo]

Warning Signs of an Alcohol or Drug Relapse
Recognizing the Steps Leading to a Relapse
By Buddy T, About.com
Created May 25, 2009

... Relapse is so common in the alcohol and drug recovery process that it is estimated more than 90 percent of those trying to remain abstinent have at least one relapse before they achieve lasting sobriety. But a relapse, sometimes called a "slip," doesn't begin when you pick up a drink or a drug. It is a slow process that begins long before you actually use.
The steps to a relapse are actually changes in attitudes, feelings and behaviors that gradually lead to the final step, picking up a drink or a drug.

Attitudes, Feelings and Behaviors
In 1982, researchers Terence T. Gorski and Merlene Miller identified a set of warning signs or steps that typically lead up to a relapse. Over the years, additional research has confirmed that the steps described in the Gorski and Miller study are "reliable and valid" predictors of alcohol and drug relapses.
If you are trying to obtain long-term sobriety and avoid having a relapse along the way, it is important to recognize the following warning signs and take action to keep them from progressing into a full-blown relapse.

11 Steps to a Relapse
Change in Attitude - For some reason you decide that participating in your recovery program is just not as important as it was. You may begin to return to what some call "stinking thinking" or unhealthy or addictive thinking. Basically, you are not working your program as you did previously. You feel something is wrong, but can't identify exactly what it is.
Elevated Stress - An increase in stress in your life can be due to a major change in circumstances or just little things building up. Returning to the "real world" after a stint in residential treatment can present many stressful situations. The danger is if you begin over-reacting to those situations. Be careful if you begin to have mood swings and exaggerated positive or negative feelings.

Reactivation of Denial - This is not denial that you have a drug or alcohol problem, it's denial that the stress is getting to you. You try to convince yourself that everything is OK, but it's not. You may be scared or worried, but you dismiss those feelings and you stop sharing those feelings with others. This is dangerous because this denial is very similar to denial of drug addiction or abuse.

Recurrence of Postacute Withdrawal Symptoms - Anxiety, depression, sleeplessness and memory loss can continue long after you quit drinking or doing drugs. Known as postacute withdrawal symptoms these symptoms can return during times of stress. They are dangerous because you may be tempted to self-medicate them with alcohol or drugs.

Behavior Change - You may begin to change the daily routine that you developed in early sobriety that helped you replace your compulsive behaviors with healthy alternatives. You might begin to practice avoidance or become defensive in situations that call for an honest evaluation of your behavior. You could begin using poor judgment and causing yourself problems due to impulsive behavior without thinking things through.

Social Breakdown - You may begin feeling uncomfortable around others and making excuses not to socialize. You stop hanging around sober friends or you withdraw from family members. You stop going to your support group meetings or you cut way back on the number of meetings you attend. You begin to isolate yourself.

Loss of Structure - You begin to completely abandon the daily routine or schedule that you developed in early sobriety. You may begin sleeping late, or ignoring personal hygiene or skipping meals. You stop making constructive plans and when the plans you do make don't work out, you overreact. You begin focusing on one small part of life to the exclusion of everything else.

Loss of Judgment - You begin to have trouble making decisions or you make unhealthy decisions. You may experience difficulty in managing your feelings and emotions. It may be hard to think clearly and you become confused easily. You may feel overwhelmed for no apparent reason or not being able to relax. You may become annoyed or angry easily.

Loss of Control - You make irrational choices and are unable to interrupt or alter those choices. You begin to actively cut off people who can help you. You begin to think that you can return to social drinking and recreational drug use and you can control it. You may begin to believe there is no hope. You lose confidence in your ability to manage your life.

Loss of Options - You begin to limit your options. You stop attending all meetings with counselors and your support groups and discontinue any pharmacotherapy treatments. You may feel loneliness, frustration, anger, resentment and tension. You might feel helpless and desperate. You come to believe that there are only three ways out: insanity, suicide, or self-medication with alcohol or drugs.

Relapse - You attempt controlled, "social" or short-term alcohol or drug use, but you are disappointed at the results and immediately experience shame and guilt. You quickly lose control and your alcohol and drug use spirals further out of control. This causes you increasing problems with relationships, jobs, money, mental and physical health. You need help getting sober again.

Relapse Is Preventable
Relapse following treatment for drug and alcohol addiction is common and predictable, but it is also preventable. Knowing the warning signs and steps that lead up to a relapse can help you make healthy choices and take alternative action.
If a relapse does happen, it is not the end of the world. If it happens, it is important that you get back up, dust yourself off and get back on the path to recovery.

originally posted at Circle for Recovery

[MajestyJo]

It isn't about the substance, it is but a symptom of my disease as they say. The problem for me was the thinking behind the drinking, eating, using, etc. That for me, is why the 12 Steps are applicable to all fellowships.

Told my son that I went to my Al-Anon meeting, because I found my dirty tongue coming back. He said every time he hears the word, he laughs. It doesn't seem right coming out of his mother's mouth.

On our way down to have dinner at Swiss Chalet one night, I cussed about something, and I looked at him and said, "Guess I need another meeting." He said, "I guess you do!"

Those signs are there for me, and I have been aware of the swearing, but discounted it, but today was the first day I admitted to the need for change.



Some people may disagree, but time means NOTHING! All time has done for me is give my more experiences of how not to do it, and along the way I picked up some tools and Good Orderly Direction, that allows me to be grateful, realize ALL I have is today.

My sobriety started an hour and 18 minutes ago. It doesn't matter that I haven't been to sleep yet. It doesn't matter that I will probably have my breakfast before I go to bed. I have found, that if I ask for help each day and give thanks at night, all will be well for today.

I have just had more practice than some. One day I just might get it right. I have also found that I tend to sabotage the good as well as the ugly. Can't stand success any better than I can failure.

When I do the do things in today to maintain my recovery, then I can live my life with a greater ease and I am given hope. What I did yesterday, last week, month, year, will not keep me sober in today, but it will give me hope for a better tomorrow.

I was given a panda bear in recovery to hold and cuddle. It took me a week to hold it in my arms.

[MajestyJo]

At the beginning, I had a fear of relapse because I knew that if I did, I would die So I looked at a lot of things as a healthy fear, don't set yourself up, look for your triggers, change old patterns and behaviours, it wasn't just about putting down the drugs and alcohol, it was getting to the root of why I picked up in the first place. I was told if I didn't deal with my issues, I would block myself and prevent myself from healing. What brought me to the program will take me back if I am not willing to address it. Many times, praying for the willingness to BE willing.

As they say, live in the solution, not the problem. Problems we stay stuck in, challenges we can overcome.

This is a one day at a time program. All you can do is the best you can do in today. I find when I am troubled, and things just aren't computing in my life, I go back to basics. Which for me is: go to meetings, talk to my sponsor, and if you don't have a home group or a sponsor, I would suggest you get one, it is the support that sees us through the rough times. Even a temporary sponsor, until you can find one you feel comfortable with. I was told to get one who had something I didn't have.

You don't lose that time, all you did was lose your sobriety date. They say that relapse is part of my disease, so I need to get with my recovery. It can help us, if we are lucky enough to make it back into the rooms and try again. Some don't make it back, others like my son, refuses to quit certain drugs and says he will never go to another meeting. It is his choice. Not my choice for him, but I am not his Higher Power.

I always had my religious beliefs, but they didn't keep me sober. I didn't find recovery until I was 49 years old. It is a miracle that I made it to the doors. I believe my God chose me, He had something in mind for me. My understanding is that I am suppose to carry the message of recovery.

All these shares I made and are copied from another site.

[MajestyJo]

90 TOOLS FOR SOBRIETY

1 ) Stay away from that first drink, taking the 1st step daily.
2 ) Attend AA regularly and get involved.
3 ) Progress is made ONE DAY AT A TIME.
4 ) Use the 24 Hour plan.
5 ) Turn your "dis-ease" to a sense of ease. Picture yourself as "recovered."
6 ) Do first things first.
7 ) Don't become too tired.
8 ) Eat at regular hours.
9 ) Use the telephone. (not just after the fact but during too.).
10) Be active - don't just sit around. Idle time will kill you.
11) Use the Serenity Prayer.
12) Change old routines and patterns.
13) Don't become too hungry.
14) Avoid loneliness.
15) Practice control of your anger.
16) Air your resentments.
17) Be willing to help whenever needed.
18) Be good to yourself, you deserve it.
19) Easy does it.
20) Get out of the "IF ONLY" trap.
21) Remind yourself HOW IT WAS. Your last drunk, the feelings etc. Picture better alternatives.
22) Be aware of your emotions. Reason about them.
23) Help another in his/her recovery, extend your hand, listen.
24) Try to turn your life and your will over to your Higher Power.
25) Avoid all mood-altering drugs, read labels on all medicines.
26) Turn loose of old ideas.
27) Avoid drinking situations/occasions.
28) Replace old drinking buddies with new AA buddies.
29) Read the Big Book.
30) Try not to be dependent on another (sick relationships). Be independent or inter-dependent.
31) Be grateful, and when you're not, make a GRATITUDE list.
32) Get off the "Pity Pot"...the only thing you'll get is a ring
around your bottom if you don't.
33) Seek knowledgeable help when troubled and or otherwise.
34) Face it! You are in control of your destiny.
35) Try the 12 and 12, not just 1 and 12 or 1, 12 and 13!
36) Let go and Let God.
37) Use the "God box." (Write down your worries and problems. Put them in the God box. Once you've done so, you can no longer think about them for that day. Use God's answers: yes, no, or wait, I have something better in store for you. Don't forget to say thanks.
38) Find courage to change through the example of others who have.
39) Don't try to test your will power. When in doubt, DON'T. (Or don't, yet.)
40) Live TODAY, not YESTERDAY, not TOMORROW - projection is planning
the results before anything even happens.
41) Avoid emotional involvements the first year - you end up putting
the other person first and lose sight of "your" program.
42) Remember, YOU ARE NOT YOUR DIS-EASE. So, take it easy on yourself.
43) Rejoice in the manageability of your new life.
44) Be humble--Humility is not in thinking of yourself more, but in
thinking more of yourself less often. Watch the ego.
45) Share your experience, strength and hope as much as possible and as creatively as possible.
46) Cherish your recovery.
47) Dump your garbage regularly - GIGO = Garbage In Garbage Out.
48) Get plenty of "restful" sleep.
49) Stay sober for you - not someone else - otherwise it won't work.
50) Practice rigorous honesty with yourself and others.
51) Progress is made ONE DAY AT A TIME, not 10 years in one day!
55) Make no major decisions the first year.
56) Get a sponsor and use him/her.
57) Know that no matter what your problems, someone's had them before.
Don't be afraid to share, as a problem shared is one 1/2 solved.
58) Strive for progress not perfection.
59) When in doubt ask questions. The only stupid question is the one
not asked.
60) Use prayer and meditation.
61) Maintain a balance: spiritual, physical, emotional and mental.
62) Don't use other substances as a maintenance program.
63) Learn to take spot check inventories.
64) Watch out for the RED FLAGS ... things that give excuses for poor
behavior and inevitable relapse.
65) Know that its okay to be human ... just don't drink over it.
66) Be kind to yourself; it's about time, don't you think?
67) Don't take yourself so seriously - take the dis-ease seriously!
68) Know that whatever it is that's causing pain - it shall pass.
69) Stay as far away from the DRY DRUNK SYNDROME as humanly possible.
70) Don't give away more than you can afford oo, your sobriety comes
first and must be the number 1 priority. Protect it at all costs.
71) Take down those bricks from the wall around you; you'll be able to
see the daylight better. Let people know who you are.
72) Get a home group and attend it regularly.
73) Know that the light at the end of the tunnel is not an oncoming
train, but actually a ray of hope. Drop the negativity.
74) Know that you are not alone, that's why the "We" is in the steps.
75) Be willing to go to any lengths to stay and be sober.
76) Know that no matter how bleak and dark your past may be, your
future is clean, bright and clear if you don't drink today.
77) Stay out of your own way.
78) Don't be in a hurry--remember "TIME = Things I Must Earn".
79) Watch the EGO. "EGO = Ease God Out".
80) Protect your sobriety at all costs. Keep the light on you.
81) Learn to listen, not just hear. Be open-minded and nonjudgmental.
82) Know that if your insides match your outsides, everyone looks good.
83) If the rest of the world looks bad, check yourself out first.
84) Gratitude is in the attitude.
85) When all else fails ... punt! Up the number of meetings!!!
86) Remember FEAR = FALSE EVIDENCE APPEARING REAL!
87) If they knew better, they'd do better. Think about letting things go.
88) Handle what you can and leave the rest, don't overtax yourself.
You can only accomplish so much in a given 24 hours.
89) Honesty and consistency are key factors in recovery.
90) Let the little kid in you out - learn how to laugh from the gut.

-adapted from ideas by Bob

Many people say that recovery didn't work for them. So seldom they are not willing to work for it. We may recover, but our disease is always there waiting for us to get complacent, to forget and gives us a crack into which it slip through.

I am restored from that hopeless state of mind and body but I will always be an alcoholic, codependent, an addict and these tools give me daily reprieve. It is my belief that I don't have to act out in my disease today if I pick up one of the tools of recovery. Some days, it takes more than one. It is nice to know I am allowed as many as I need.

This was done for AA but I feel it works for any 12 Step Program.

Hugs not drugs!

[MajestyJo]

Need to always remember that this is a one day at a time program. I also need to remember that my disease is cunning, baffling, and power. I am only an arms's length away from the next drug, what ever I decide to use to escape my reality, instead of going to my Higher Power for the Spiritual comfort I need in the moment.

[MajestyJo]

Practice patience! Today when I visited my friend, I saw four ants and according to Jamie Sams, they mean patience.

Practice using the slogans:

1. First Things First
   Live and Let Live
   Easy Does It
   Let Go and Let God
   One Day at a Time
   Listen and Learn
   How Important Is It?
   Keep an Open Mind.
   
   From Al-Anon's Purpose and Suggestions