Wisdom Of The Rooms - 2014

[bluidkiti]

October 6

Quote of the Week

"You Have to Feel to Heal."

Before recovery, I would use just about anything not to feel. Drugs, alcohol, relationships, food, TV -- the list was endless. Without tools to deal with my feelings, I was uncomfortable and afraid of them, and they often became overwhelming.

In early recovery my sponsor always used to tell me that feelings were not facts. They were just feelings. It took me a long time to understand that, but now I know that as bad as some of my feelings are, they won't kill me. Recovery has taught me that I can now sit with my feelings and learn what they are trying to teach me.

Today I have come to welcome my feelings rather than run from them. Today my feelings are like little guides that lead me to the depths of who I am, and I am no longer afraid to go there. Today I know that to feel is to heal in a sacred and profound way. Today I am grateful for my feelings.

[bluidkiti]

October 13

Quote of the Week

"When one door closes, another opens, but it's hell in the hallways."

Boy do we hate change. Before recovery I had few tools or healthy ways of dealing with change. If something ended in my life, it often felt like the end of my life. Once I entered the hallway, it was dark indeed.

As I worked through recovery, I learned many valuable life lessons. The first was 'One day at a time.' I still have to remind myself that I can do anything just for today, and get through it if I keep my focus on today. The hallway doesn't look so long or so dark when I do this.

Perhaps the biggest thing I learned is that "This, too, shall pass." No matter how bad things are, or what is happening, it too will pass and things will change. And with change will come new openings, new opportunities, and new beginnings.

Today, when one door closes, I have tools to deal with the hallways while I wait and watch for the new doors to open.

[bluidkiti]

October 20

Quote of the Week

"No God, No Peace. Know God, Know Peace."

Lately, I've been having a pretty rough time with my business. So many companies have tightened their budgets because of the economy, and that means my sales (and income) are way down as a result. This has led to many restless nights, getting up at 4am, and having a knot in my stomach most of the day.

As I went to bed last Sunday night, I could feel the familiar dread descending. As the knot began forming, I suddenly remembered to reach out to God. Why had I been trying to go it alone? I immediately asked God to be with me right then and told Him I didn't want to wake up alone. I asked Him to be with me in the morning, to comfort me and to allow me to know His peace.

As soon as I said that prayer, I felt my body relax and the knot disappear. I felt a calm and a peace I hadn't known for many nights. While I still woke up early, the difference was that I wasn't worried like the other mornings; rather, I knew the presence of God was with me. As I lay there I just kept thinking - remember it works if you work it!

I also remembered - "No God, no peace. Know God, know peace."

[bluidkiti]

October 27

Quote of the Week

"God can't give you anything new until you let go of the old."

I hate change. For some reason I'm convinced that things will get worse if they change, and even if things aren't so good now I'd rather they stay the same rather than risk a change. When I came into the program I was told I'd only have to change one thing, and I was relieved to hear that. But then they told me that one thing was everything! I quickly realized that the first thing I needed to change was my attitude about change.

A good friend of mine in the program has a different view on change. She says that you can't know what you don't know. "How many times do things get better after they change?" she asks. When I think about this and look at my experience, I find that they almost always get better. "Then why not look at change as a chance for improvement and turn the results over to your Higher Power?" she suggests.

The more I follow my friend's advice, the easier it is for me to handle change. A couple of days ago my wireless router went out and it felt like the end of the world. After I calmed down, it occurred to me that I might get a more powerful router and actually have improved wireless coverage in my home. Now that was a change! These days when things change, I ask myself how they have improved or how I can make them better. Once I put my focus here, I find it's easier to let go and even look forward to change.

What I've learned is that God can't give me anything new until I let go of the old.

[bluidkiti]

November 3

Quote of the Week

"The difference between my will and God's will is that my will starts out easy and gets hard, and God's will starts out hard and gets easy."

A perfect example of this quote is the program itself. My will told me it was much easier to keep using and doing what I was doing then to work the program and the steps. Of course, my will may have appeared easier at first, but oh how hard that path was. By contrast, God's will for me was to recover, and though it was hard at first my life is infinitely better and life truly is easier.

The main problem with my will is that it is first and foremost about me. It tricks me into believing that if I take care of my wants first, then I'll be able to help another -- of course I usually find out that my wants are insatiable, and I quickly become lost in their demands.

God's will, on the other hand, is usually about helping others and with what's right for all concerned -- the whole picture in which I am just part. While this seems backwards to me at times, I always find out that when I'm able to surrender to God's will, my real wants and needs are met and exceeded in ways I never could have imagined.

These days it's easier for me to differentiate between my will and God's will, and more and more I'm able to make the right choice. Ultimately, it's about being comfortable in my own skin, and only choosing God's will guarantees me that.

[bluidkiti]

November 10

Quote of the Week

"Listen for the similarities not the differences."

I was given this suggestion right before my first ever meeting, and not only did it allow me to pay closer attention, but it also helped me to identify and come to see how I fit in. I relied on this and kept listening for the similarities during other meetings, and each time I did I found pieces of myself and my story come out of the mouths of others.

Besides identifying with others in this way, I also began identifying with the different stages of recovery. Each time someone shared their experience of using the steps to meet life on life's terms, I could begin relating my own journey of recovery and this gave me hope and the strength to keep going.

Like many of the lessons I've learned in recovery, I now apply this one in all areas of my life. Listening for the similarities in others experience at work, at home, and in all my relationships has increased my empathy not only for others, but also for myself.

Today, I'm quick to see how my experience and life journey is similar to others and this helps keep me connected, humble and happy.

[bluidkiti]

November 17

Quote of the Week

"Recovery isn't for people who need it; it's for people who want it."

After I was sober a while I started thinking about all the people I knew who could really benefit from, and in fact really needed, the recovery I had found in the program. This was especially true of the newcomers who kept relapsing. "They really need this program," I'd say to my sponsor. "Why can't they get it?"

And that's when he told me that this program isn't for people who need it; it's for people who want it. He said that if everyone who needed this attended meetings we'd have to rent out stadiums, not rooms and dining halls. He told me that only the desperate can become willing enough to do what we do to get what we have. And that's when I thought about my own journey.

For years I needed recovery, but I still had better ideas. It wasn't until I had hit bottom and was willing to abandon myself to this program that I began to recover. I now understand when someone says to a newcomer, "I wish you desperation," because it is only by hitting bottom that one can go from needing this to wanting it.

Today I realize that everyone is on their own journey, and that although many may need recovery, until they want it, they won't be able to get it.

[bluidkiti]

November 24

Quote of the Week

"Develop an 'Attitude of Gratitude'."

I have a secret weapon in my recovery tool bag - the Gratitude List. Oh I know, you've heard all about gratitude lists, but when was the last time you made one? Whenever I'm feeling overwhelmed, stressed or in fear, the fastest way out is for me to make a quick list of 50 things I'm grateful for.

When I mention this to people, their first reaction is 50?! If 50 seems like a lot to you, too, it's just because you're not in the habit of making gratitude lists. The secret is to list the things you're grateful for that are centered on what you are feeling anxious or fearful about.

For example, when I'm in financial fear, I list all the things around finances I'm grateful for. These usually include that today I have a place to sleep; my rent is paid; the electricity is working (and it helps when I think of all the people who don't even have electricity!); I have money in my pocket; I've always earned money and did so yesterday or last week/month, etc. This works for every topic, and after you get started 50 comes easy.

Today my life is good; I'm appreciative and I know serenity because I know how to develop and live in an attitude of gratitude.

[bluidkiti]

December 1

Quote of the Week

"Expectations are premeditated resentments."

Oh how I still like to try to control people, places and things. Even though the first step teaches me about my powerlessness, and the third step gives me the tools to dealing with life, I still find myself resentful when things don't go my way. And I can usually trace my resentments back to my expectations.

Expectations are indications that I haven't fully turned my will and life over to God. It means I've forgotten that my job is to suit up and show up and that it is God's job to take care of the results. Since expectations are results in disguise, it's no wonder they so easily lead to resentments.

Today I use expectations as reminders to refocus my energy and thoughts on the actions that I have to take and to stay out of the results. I immediately do a quick first, second, and third step on the situation and turn my expectations over to my Higher Power. Doing this allows me to be truly open to the gifts in the results (and they are always there if I am open to them), and it keeps me safe from unnecessary resentments.

[bluidkiti]

December 8

Quote of the Week

"If you can't learn to laugh at yourself, we'll do it for you..."

Oh how serious everything was when I entered recovery. Overwhelmed by the problems I'd created, a home life that was in shambles, unemployed and unemployable, I didn't find very many things funny. But the people in the rooms sure did. I often sat in amazement as one after another would share what seemed like horrible experiences of things they'd done or that had happened to them, while the room roared with laughter! What's wrong with these people, I'd think?

The way that people were able to laugh and make fun of the things they had done made me uncomfortable to say the least. Still filled with the secret shame of my own experiences and thoughts, I was much too self conscious to share, and was still sure that if you knew what I had done, then you'd banish me from the rooms and I'd have no where to go. Once again, I felt trapped.

As I worked my way through the steps and my life started to improve, I soon found myself identifying and laughing right along with everyone else. In fact, after a while I had enough distance and perspective on my life that I could even begin to see the humor in some of the situations my own warped way of thinking had gotten me into.

I found I had developed compassion and empathy for myself, and this allowed me to laugh again - and what a gift that's been...

[bluidkiti]

December 15

Quote of the Week

"I know I have another drunk in me, but I don't know if I have another recovery."

A shiver shot down my spine when I first heard this quote. I know how easy it would be for me to pick up a cold Heineken or glass of cabernet sauvignon at a nice restaurant. And my disease even tries to convince me I could handle it. "It's been years since you've had a drink," it whispers. "You can drink normally now," it says.

As I think those first drinks through, I know I might get away with them, but inevitably I'd end up drunk. I know myself well enough to know that I've easily got another drunk in me. I can't say the same thing about recovery, though, and that's why my spine still tingles when I read this quote.

Getting sober and taking the steps was a lot of work. Good work, to be sure, but it took countless surrenders, unparalleled willingness, and a humbling of my ego that only the desperation of the drowning can understand. If the fires of alcoholism were lit again, I don't know if I'd ever be able to contain them. That why I pray to God in the morning to keep me sober another day, and thank Him at night for doing so.

Because I know I have another drunk in me, but I don't know if I have another recovery.

[bluidkiti]

December 22

Quote of the Week

"When you own your part, you own your power."

When I was new to the program, I dreaded doing my fourth step inventory. What possible good could it do me to list all my resentments I wondered? When my sponsor told me there was an invisible category called "my part", I was sure this was going to be a useless exercise. I mean, I didn't have a part in choosing my parents, or my siblings, or what happened to me at school and on and on. Just thinking about it made me resentful!

After months of painful and exhaustive writing, I finally finished the first draft of my inventory. I remember reading it to my sponsor and becoming more and more irritated each time he asked me about my part. "But I'm talking about what he, she, or it did to me," I complained. "Yes, but yours is the only part you can change," he said. And that's when I began to understand.

I had spent a lifetime blaming other people, places and things for the misery in my life and all that did was make me a perpetual victim. Once I learned to focus on my part, however, I began to see the role my own behavior played in the destructive patterns in my life. And that's when I discovered I had the power to change them.

You see I learned that when you own your part, you own your power.

[bluidkiti]

December 29, 2014

Quote of the Week

"God handed me the menu. He didn't tell me to choose the sh!t sandwich."

This quote seemed appropriate for the New Year because it reminds me that in recovery, with a relationship with a Higher Power, I have a world of opportunities open to me. In meetings every week I hear others share about going back to school, or changing careers, or starting a family - all miracles of recovery and all part of the new life available through the program.

This quote also reminds me that while there are many new and wondrous opportunities available, it is still up to me to choose the right path. Do I choose to work my program today, to turn my will and my life over and pray for and try to do God's will? Or do I stay isolated, not go to a meeting, drink too much coffee and spend my time regretting the past and fearing the future? What do I do with the menu God gives me each day?

As I look towards the New Year ahead, I have an overwhelming feeling of possibility and hope as I acknowledge with gratitude the new menu of life I've been given in recovery. I make resolutions to make better choices, and I ask God to guide me and to release me from the character defects that lead me to reach for the wrong kind of sandwich. Today I will use my power of choice to make this year the best one yet.