They're Sober, Now What?

[MajestyJo]

When the addict/alkie first finds 12-step recovery,
the wives and loved ones are filled with happiness.
Reality sets in when, it's suggested they make 90
meetings in 90 days and the staying sober, the steps
and meetings are the most important thing in the
addict/alkies life.

What about the family?

The family life, revolves around meetings and the
entire concept of recovery. There is help for them
at Al-Anon/Nar-Anon, but they didn't ask for any of
this. Have any of you ever wanted to just go back
in time, before they drank or used and stay in that
cocoon of happiness. That place before their loved
one got sick and there was a real family......

I went back and read chapter's 8 & 9 in the BB
and it helped me with many of the questions I had.
I highly recommend this reading to everyone that
loves an addict/alcoholic.....

P.S. For those that want to read chapters 8 and 9
online ,here is the link

www.aa.org/bigbookonline/en_tableofcnt.cfm

[MajestyJo]

Cycle of Sobriety

Once your loved is sober and in recover, you also
need to understand the Cycle of Sobriety and the
addict’s Sobriety Priority. This will help you to make
sense of the decisions which he or she takes in
everyday life.

Moreover, as recovery progresses, you will find a
"new" person emerging from the shell of addiction.
This may be a wonderful and longed for thing.
However, it can cause relational problems also, as
the person goes through changes, confusion, as
well as mood swings, which are part of recovery.

Possibly, you may find to your surprise that this
"new" person is not what you want or expected.
In a perverse, unconscious way, you may even feel
more secure with the « old » alcoholic/addict you
once knew. Unconsciously, you can contribute to
undermining the person’s recovery, if you are not
careful, or you may come to decide to separate from
him or her.

You will find that YOU also will begin to change as
you become free of a direct relationship with an
active alcoholic/addict. You can begin to change and
grow and find a « new » person within yourself, with
a clearer idea of your own needs and direction.

SOS will help you to understand better many of these
processes taking place in your loved one, yourself
and your relationship. This will arm you to deal and
cope with the wonderful, but often complex road of
recovery for YOU and your loved one.

This information was found at:

www.sosdallas.org/family_friends.htm

Jan 30, 2004

[MajestyJo]

An alcoholic/addict can not guarantee his/her sobriety. It is a one day at a time program. It is suggested that they do 90 meetings in 90 days, but that isn't the program. That is suggested to them, so they can find a home group and a sponsor. That is only the beginning, and recovery is a way of life.

Alcoholism and addiction is a disease. Whether you call it an allergy of the body and an obsessive/compulsive disorder, as I often say, I was at dis-ease within myself, always looking for some person, place, or thing outside of myself to make me feel better. Which means me, the alcoholic/addict's wife/husband, and friend, relative, lover, or co-worker, etc. receptive to this same dis-ease. If I look to this person to fulfill my needs when they can't help themselves, or I try to fix them and make them all better, especially when it makes me feel better to do it, then I just may have a few codependent issues and anxiety disorders if I can't live my life without someone else to do my living for me.

We tend to look at the alcoholic/addict, when in fact, many times, we are as sick if not sicker than they are.

So now they are sober, what now? What now? Give thanks? What do you do? Go to Al-Anon, Nar-Anon, perhaps, CoDA (Codependents Anonymous), ACoA (Adult Children of Alcholics), or perhaps, just maybe you have a drinking and drug problem too, maybe you just use a different substance. Are you comparing instead of identifying?

I was a highly functional drunk, I could walk a straight line. I could stay on my own side of the road and not get pulled over. The cops followed me home and never pulled me over. People said they never said they never saw me drunk. They didn't know I was drunk until I opened my mouth and gave myself away!

I was so busy pointing the finger at my dad, my mother, my son, my uncles, my boss, and the list goes on, and on that I didn't have a finger left to point at me. I finally didn't have anyone left around me to point a finger at, and all I was left with was me and I had to face myself. It was not a pretty sight.

I went to AA for my denial. I went to NA for identification. I went to Al-Anon to find myself. I went to ACoA, and found gratitude that I didn't go there first, if I had gone there instead of AA, I probably would have stayed in my denial and died.

Let it begin with me.

They're sober! So am I!

This could be a duplicate, not sure where it is posted, found it on another site.

[MajestyJo]

Whether the program is AA, Al-Anon, NA, Nar-Anon, ACoA, it is one day at a time and takes maintenance. I am given daily reprieve and I know for me, that I need the program just a much in today as I did when I walked into a recovery house on November 2, 1991. My dry date is August 21, 1991. Yet having saying that, I need the program, just as much in today as I did then, due to my chronic pain as well as the nature of my disease.

The disease never goes away, I do. So if I struggle with my program, it is because I allow my disease to have a foot hold into my life. My only defense is my spiritual condition and my ability to reach out to my God before I reach out to my drug of choice (which can just about anything that looks good in the moment). Alcohol and drugs are but a symptom of my disease, the problem is me and my thinking. Especially my thinking that says I am just fine, and I am all better and I don't need meetings and I don't need to work the Steps any more. A sure fire attitude which will lead me to a downward spiral that can lead me to a slippery path to relapse.