Epiphany

[dry and alive]

I am currently separated from my wife of 23 years. things have been very rough on her. I am the one who filled. Today I was out to the house and talking to her. she kept asking why I could throw away 23 years of marriage. At first I could not answer her. she asked what is was that she did that was so terrible. I was sober since 1989 until 1998. My wife was a closet drinker. At first I did not believe any one that told me she was drinking. That is what she was like ever since we met and I did not under stand why I would not know she was drinking. After a while she would drink wine for dinner and I decided it was ok for me. My first time I finished a whole bottle myself. the second time I did not want to run out so I bought 3 bottles. I drank two and a half. After that I progressed to beer, whisky and drugs. she got arrested for drunk driving and it put me over the edge. I ended up in the mental ward for attempted suicide. After several years and two kids she kept drinking. when she was arrested again I was back in the hospital again. This time when I got out I started going to AA. I have been sober 16 years. My wife would drink and get arrested but with the help of AA I stayed out of the hospital. She staid sober for five years, started drinking again. I stayed for the kids. Last year she got arrested again and I wound up in the hospital again. I stayed until everything stabilized then I filed for divorce. She me why I did that and I thought it was because I just had enough. After talking to my therapist I realized that I did not want to live with a gun to my head. I knew if she she drank again I would not seek help I would just kill myself. that was my Epiphany. So I am grateful to finely see the light. I felt such a relief that I am able to have fun now. My AA group is in full support of my situation and the fact I share every meeting. I volunteer at central office and do 5 meetings a week My new life has begun and for that I am very grateful.

[MajestyJo]

Thanks for sharing. I had to leave my relationships, even in sobriety because I found that they were not working a strong enough program and were trying to make their safe space in mine. They had to be complete and whole within themselves. When you are in a needy, relationship don't work. My ex-boyfriend got angry when I said, "I don't need you in my life, you are here because I want to share my life with you." When that is gone and there is no trust, there is no relationship.

I was told that I shouldn't look for someone to complete me. I lived my life through other people all my life and I stayed sick.