THIS TIME MUST BE DIFFERENT

[BBJohn]

Hey Folks, I'm John Addict & Alcoholic from Southern England.
I've been around recovery for more years than I care to remember, but am clean and sober only for a few days.
I know the theory inside out, can talk the talk but have yet to learn how to walk the walk. I do go to AA, have friends in recovery but keep going back to Opiates my DOC. As yet I have not lost much, but know if I don't stay clean and sober I will lose everything..
I've felt alot better.. but if nothing else I have vast experience of the ups and downs of early recovery, so know if I stick with it ODAAT this too shall pass
Wishing you all a good clean and sober day x

[MajestyJo]

Welcome BBJohn, I think you have it half right. The part you seem to be missing is "If you don't deal with what brought you to the doors of recovery, it will take you back out." To do this, we do it one day at a time and we don't pick up no matter what. For me, I substituted the pills for alcohol and in the end I was doing both, and but for the Grace of God, I would have died. When I got here, using was no longer an option, so it was do what they suggested and for me, more. Instead of my DOC being more, I had to put more effort into my recovery:- more meetings, more reading of literature, more phone numbers and talking to more other addicts and alcoholics. I had to learn to IDENTIFY and not compare. I wish you well on your journey. I hope you will continue to come each day and share with us.

[BBJohn]

Thanks Jo, as you say more effort is needed and I'm doing it.. Got myself to a meeting last night even though I was exhausted, but when would tiredness ever stop me going out to drink or try and score.
It was a good meeting, my sponsor couldn't make it but set me up to meet a guy 37 years sober who used to be his sponsor. From bitter experience I know early recovery when the pain is still very real is not such a problem for me to stay sober. I get lazy, don't talk to another person in recovery each day, drop meetings.
Tonight I'm here, will speak to my sponsor later and the guy from last night.
Back to basics, simple stuff, whatever happens today I will not drink.
I'm no longer young, can't keep doing this and I know how good life can be clean & sober.
BTW noticed you like tennis? My wife is a fanatic, so I've had to get interested, probably should talk about this in a different part of the site.

[MajestyJo]

Thanks for sharing. It was important to fill up my life with good thing to replace the time I spent drinking. I did two meetings a day for two years. I went to special events with a girl that I went through treatment with. We went to a noon play, went to the park and went on the teeter totter and played on the swings and allowed our Inner Child to come out and play. Many people sit in coffee shops, but I wanted more structure to my life. I had friend in and I had enough of four wall, when I isolate, I isolate my spirit.

When I quit cigarettes (took me 7 years to become willing), I went to NA and picked up key tags and instead of filling up with food, I used crystals, meditation, and meetings to fill the void. As they say, "The Fellowship of the Spirit." We can do what I can't do alone. Instead of gaining weight, I lost 3 lbs. I heard a counselor tell a girl not to worry about the sweets and eating, and so many girls went back out to get thin. Many don't know that depression is part of the grieving process of detoxing and letting go of what use to be our friend, who became our worst enemy. Doctors don't know, addicts and alcoholics don't always get honest, they get put on anti-depressants and they get dependent on the almighty pill or substitute one drug for another. If you don't have a chemical imbalance, you are probably not an addict. If you have mental issues, you just may need medication and Dual Recovery Anonymous is a good place to go. I have shared at a couple of their meetings. I was given lots of labels, but it mostly boiled down to, don't pick up, go to meetings, get a sponsor, get a home group, and get active in service. It take 11 months to detox from alcohol. We are really not capable of being honest enough to do a Step 4 until we get our one year. Many do a Step 4, when in reality, they are just doing Step One in long-form.

It doesn't say to list ALL our sins, just admit we have them, doesn't say to list how many times we sinned each sin. It is a just for today program. One day's thoughts, feelings, actions, situations, etc. and just because I have a feeling, doesn't mean I have to act on it. I am not sure if you have heard of the Bill and Charlie tapes, they are really good. They say you can't have a craving unless you injest your DOC or substitute another one. We may have a mental obsession which we can pray to have removed, but we can't crave something, unless we are using a substance be it our drug of choice or something else. Pill and pot maintenance generally took people back out. I also had to address my eating disorder. It is all one day at a time.

Tennis is one of those things I filled up the void with. I like Andy Murray. I am glad he won this year although I was cheering for the Canadian Milso Raonic.

[BBJohn]

Thanks Jo, really great to read that
I'm good, doing what I know works, as you say:

but it mostly boiled down to, don't pick up, go to meetings, get a sponsor, get a home group, and get active in service

Simple but not always easy.
While my wife is away (a time I often have either drank myself silly and / or gone out to score) I am putting lots of effort into recovery. I was told many many years ago if I put half the effort into recovery that I would put into drinking / using I would have a fantastic life.
I have a home group (AA) that I've been going to for years, even when using which lately has been more the issue than drinking. I went last night, I love it, there are a couple of people there who get it with opiate addiction, so I can talk to them about drugs that I can't share in the meeting.
My sponsor who has a similar background of drink & drugs keeps on suggesting we go to NA together, problem is whilst I know it can help I have had bad experiences, meeting other local addicts like me and making contacts I don't need. I promised my wife I would not go. He also thinks I need to go into treatment, he said the same some years ago and perhaps if I had gone then I wouldn't have had the misery of active addiction for the past few years, who knows? Having been around recovery so long, I know the theory, have done tons of counseling, cog psyc etc etc so as I don't need to detox not sure how much I would gain, but I have never done inpatient treatment so who knows?
I am doing what I know works, keeping it simple ODAAT meetings, lots of contact with others in recovery, reading Big Book etc, gratitude, using the just for today card.
WHATEVER HAPPENS TODAY, I WILL NOT PICK UP A DRINK OR DRUG

[MajestyJo]

Thanks for shariing, I can identify. My problem was pills (dried-up alcohol), and when I heard people in AA sharing, I couldn't always identify with their drinking stories, but realized I had the same thought when it came to my addiction. I went to AA for my denial and to NA for a short time, for identification. I always knew I was an addict, my drug of choice was always more, no matter what the substance was.

I had an AA sponsor too, she was a heroin addict. She found NA to be a big trigger. NA was new here and didn't have the long-term recovery. I did help get NA started in our local jail, and I love the NA literature, but found AA worked for me. I found myself though in Al-Anon. My father was an alcoholic and my mom died as a direct result of her eating disorder. I was married to an alcoholic and my son is a self-admitted alcoholic/addict (alcohol, pot, crack/cocaine, and pills). I didn't join a NA group until I was 4 years sober. Do what you need to do for yourself and your own recovery.

Many go through treatment and think they are fixed and don't follow it up with a program. I was the only woman in five years who stayed sober after leaving treatment. Some relapsed and went back to AA, but here I am, one day at a time, coming up on 25 years of recovery. I reconnected with a woman who came in the same year as I did. There were 15 of us and at the end of 5 years, 10 of us were still sober. Back then they said, "One in five stay sober." I said, "This is my group of five, you guys have to get another one because I can't go back to where I came from and using is no longer an option. For me to use is to die, whether it is alcohol, food, pills or cigarettes.

As a guy at my group last week reminded me, it isn't 'the' program, it is my program and what works for me. People tend to get regimental. Every thing doesn't work for everyone, the fact being that your drug addiction is part of who you are.

Thank you for sharing your journey with us. There is a daily check in where we post each day and can only be seen by members. Perhaps you would like to start your own daily sign in post, or continue here.

As I said to a friend on the phone last night, the substance is but a symptom of our dis--ease, the problem is me. My sponsor said, "Don't call them problems, you can stay stuck in them. Call them challenges, those you can overcome."

I once heard "A simple program for complicated people." There is a lot of good recovery posted on the site in all areas, and the daily readings are bonus!

This reminds me that we can hang ourselves out to dry with no place to go. As they say, "We only get out of recovery what we put into it."

[BBJohn]

Well, so much for my best efforts last year. Managed about 4 months, then decided to use.. Totally insane after so many years why did I think anything would be different?
So, few months on and I'm just coming out of yet another opiate detox, great fun for both myself and my long suffering wife. At least I am in a safe place now (rural France) and not going back to England for a few months, but no meetings near here in English, so need to focus on line.
Just wish I felt better, so much to do, so little energy, but this too shall pass..

[MajestyJo]

Welcome BBJohn, so good to hear from you. I hope you will make us a daily visit and tkae time to read the daily readings. There is a lot of recovery material here, and I hope you avail yourself of it.

Remember it is one day at a time, we didn't get this way overnight, so we don't get better overnight. Relapse is a part of our disease, it is not a recovery tool. I always try to start my day with, "Just for today, I choose not to use...for me, it is people, places, and things."

Allow yourself to heal. A member of my group was just in Paris. She is an artist. She said that there were no English speaking meetings, so she was glad to be home. If you can find some other English people, perhaps you could start a meeting. You know it is where two or more gather together.