ACoA, Adult Children of Alcoholics

[MajestyJo]

Personal Bill of Rights for Adult Children
I have a right to all those good times that I have longed for
all these years and didn’t get.
I have a right to joy in this life, right here, right now — not
just a momentary rush of euphoria but something more
substantive.
I have a right to relax and have fun in a nonalcoholic and
nondestructive way.
I have a right to actively pursue people, places, and situations
that will help me in achieving a good life.
I have the right to say no whenever I feel something is not
safe or I am not ready.
I have a right to not participate in either the active or passive
“crazy-making” behavior of parents, of siblings, and of others.
I have a right to take calculated risks and to experiment with
new strategies.
I have a right to change my tune, my strategy, and my funny
equations.
I have a right to “mess up”; to make mistakes, to “blow it”, to
disappoint myself, and to fall short of the mark.
I have a right to leave the company of people who deliberately
or inadvertently put me down, lay a guilt trip on me, manipulate
or humiliate me, including my alcoholic parent, my nonalcoholic
parent, or any other member of my family.
I have a right to put an end to conversations with people who
make me feel put down and humiliated.
I have a right to all my feelings.
I have a right to trust my feelings, my judgment, my hunches,
my intuition.
I have a right to develop myself as a whole person emotionally,
spiritually, mentally, physically, and psychologically.
I have a right to express all my feelings in a nondestructive
way and at a safe time and place.
I have a right to as much time as I need to experiment with
this new information and these new ideas and to initiate changes
in my life.
I have a right to sort out the bill of goods my parents sold me;
to take the acceptable and dump the unacceptable.
I have a right to a mentally healthy, sane way of existence,
though it will deviate in part, or all, from my parents' prescribed
philosophy of life.
I have a right to carve out my place in this world.
I have a right to follow any of the above rights, to live my life
the way I want to, and not wait until my alcoholic parent gets
well, gets happy, seeks help, or admits there is a problem.


- - Taken from 12stepforums.net

[MajestyJo]

"Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be
made a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life;
define yourself."
- - Harvey Fierstein


“If it's never our fault, we can't take responsibility for it.
If we can't take responsibility for it, we'll always be its victim.”
- - Richard Bach


"Don't Take Anything Personally. Nothing others do is because of you.
What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own
dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others,
you won't be the victim of needless suffering."
- - Miguel Angel Ruiz

[MajestyJo]

Not sure if I shared this earlier or not, but when I heard the speaker today comment on his awakening when he went to his first meeting, it came to mind. We both qualify for ACoA and AA. We tend to forget thing when we are in the midst of what seems to be a crisis and things can go out the window, until we ground ourselves and come back to the moment.

It is so important to live in the moment and not let our yesterdays and hopes and fears of tomorrow intrude on today.

These are all good, and along with the 12 Steps, we can let go of our past, stop focusing on the parent and allow ourselves to heal.