Wisdom Of The Rooms - 2020

[bluidkiti]

November 16

Quote of the Week

"God’s rejection is God’s protection."

Recently I had an opportunity that I was really excited about fall through unexpectedly. At first I was disappointed, then I grew angry, and then I began to examine my part. After determining, with the help of my sponsor, that my side of the street was clean, I began to feel like the universe was against me and that I might never get what I wanted. And that’s when I heard this quote.

Today’s wisdom immediately reminded me that I had turned my will and my life over to the care of a God of my understanding, and that after I took the appropriate actions, the results were no longer up to me. Despite my expectations, hopes, or desires, I was reminded that turning it over meant accepting God’s will for me, even if (and maybe especially if) things didn’t turn out the way I thought they should.

This realization soon brought about a new surrender. And for me, after many years in the program, I generally find that what I am surrendering is my limited vision for one that is grander, more fulfilling, and more appropriate for the person God intends for me to become. In hindsight, I find that God always has a better plan for me than any I can think up for myself. And today, rather than being frustrated by God’s rejection, I’ve come to value the protection He offers.

[bluidkiti]

November 23

Quote of the Week

"What Step are you on?"

Before recovery, I had very few tools to handle the problems, challenges, and situations in my life. And the tools I did have weren’t very helpful. My go-to solution was drinking. Whether things were going well (rarely) or poorly (more often the case), I escaped into a bottle of alcohol. It didn’t take long for this solution to become part of, and then the main, problem in my life. Out of options, I surrendered and entered the program.

Once in recovery, I was given a whole treasure chest of new solutions. These were spiritually based tools that fit into what my sponsor called my “spiritual tool kit.” They included things like working the Twelve Steps, taking commitments, reaching my hand out to others, praying and meditating, and so on. These new tools were incredibly helpful in changing my life for the better, but I soon learned something very important: They only worked when I worked them.

Throughout my recovery, I have found that it is easy to slide back into old behaviors, and that whenever I do, I start to experience my old feelings again. This isn’t a good thing. Whenever I find myself on my pity pot, wondering, “Where’s mine?” my sponsor brings me back to the solution. He simply asks, “What Step are you on?” When I then ask myself which Step applies to the current situation I’m obsessing over, I see the way out. The tools of a gratitude list, calling another, working the Eleventh Step, and so forth never fail to restore me to sanity. Whenever people are struggling in recovery, I know to ask them what Step they are on.

[bluidkiti]

November 30

Quote of the Week

"If you’re having trouble making a decision, maybe you shouldn’t."

When I got sober, I suddenly found that I had a lot more options and choices in my life. Now that I wasn’t drinking all the time, I could decide to do many other things: go to meetings or fellowship, fix up the house, visit family and friends again. Soon I decided that I needed to make big changes: move to a new city, change relationships and careers, and more. And that’s when my sponsor suggested that I don’t make any big changes during the first year of recovery.

While this didn’t make any sense to me, he explained that while I may not be the person I was while drinking, I was still not the person I would yet become. What I needed to do was work the Steps, get some clarity, and then begin making changes and decisions slowly and with God’s help. He suggested I pray over things first and wait to see what God’s will might be for me. This advice has served me well over the years.

These days, I’ve learned that I no longer have to impulsively act on what I think I want to do. In fact, I’ve found that if I’m having trouble making a decision, then that means I need to pray over it more until I get a stronger sense of direction. I’ve also learned to not fear making a mistake, because I know that decisions aren’t forever. Today, I struggle less over making decisions and know that I’m not alone. God is my partner in life today, and as long as I am willing to go to Him for advice and follow the direction I receive, things turn out for the best.

[bluidkiti]

December 7

Quote of the Week

"Relapse begins a long time before you pick up that first drink."

I am a three-meeting-minimum-a-week kind of guy. Anything less than that and I begin feeling, well, kind of vulnerable. Oh, not that I’m going to pick up a drink, but vulnerable to what my head tells me, and vulnerable to feeling more irritable, restless, and discontented. I’m quicker to judge things, and I begin storing resentments. While I may not be thinking of drinking, I no longer feel threatened by the thought of it.

After a few weeks of that, it begins to get harder to make even two meetings a week. Soon I’m not answering my phone very much, and calling my sponsor doesn’t even occur to me. Work pressures mount, and on the way home I’m more frustrated by people not driving right, parking lots that are too full, and a slow Internet speed when I get home. Suddenly the world is out of whack, and the idea of a drink seems not only natural but completely reasonable as well.

I can’t tell you the number of times I have heard people who relapse tell a story similar to the one above. It always scares the heck out of me because there have been times when I’ve begun to go down that same path. Thank God for my commitments, a strong support group, regular meetings I look forward to, and sponsees who continue to call me. These days, I have four meetings a week I go to, whether I need them or not. I want to keep the distance between me and a relapse as wide as possible.

[bluidkiti]

December 14

Quote of the Week

"It’s not about letting God in today, it’s about letting God out."

For years, I hoarded all the good that was inside me. The capacity I had to be of service, to care for others, and to truly make a difference in other people’s lives I diverted to serve and advance my own selfish needs and wants. When you needed help, my first thought was, What’s in it for me? If I couldn’t find a compelling answer to that question, I wouldn’t bother to extend myself. This attitude left me barren of feeling, alone, and self-destructive.

In early recovery, I was still pretty shut down and unwilling to help or participate. When others offered to help me, I was suspicious of their motives. What’s in it for them? was my reaction, and I remained distrustful for quite a while. It took contrary action for me to follow my sponsor’s direction to be of service at meetings and to take commitments like greeting people, cleaning up afterward, or going out to fellowship. Although I was convinced I would get nothing out of it, over time I found I was wrong.

There is a saying in the rooms that recovery is simply a matter of one alcoholic helping another. The miracle of the program is that this simple act of giving, without the expectation of getting anything back, is how it all works. The innate capacity in us to love, to give, and to be of service reflects the same qualities of the God within us all. The magic and healing of recovery come from letting this energy of God out, rather than damming it in to benefit ourselves. As the poet Robert Browning said, the ultimate goal of us all is to “set the imprisoned splendor free.” And that’s why today, it’s not so much about letting God in, but letting God out.

[bluidkiti]

December 21

Quote of the Week

"Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday, so live in the now."

When I came into the program, I was so consumed with worry for my future that I couldn’t even talk about what I was doing in the present. “But what happens if I lose my house. How about my career? What if I go to jail?” These and other future events were my new obsession once I put the alcohol down. I had completely lost the ability to feel any joy or contentment in my life.

When I tried to tell my concerns to others in the program, they gave me suggestions that seemed ludicrous at the time. “Help stack the chairs after the meeting,” they told me. “Collect the coffee cups and go into the kitchen and help the others clean up,” they advised. “Aren’t you listening?” I wanted to scream at them. “I have some serious issues here!” Instead, I washed cups and helped clean the kitchen after the meetings.

It has taken years to finally learn the lessons they were trying to teach me, but it’s clear now. Today, I have everything I need to be happy, joyous, and free. And if I take care of the things in front of me today, then one day at a time my life can and will improve. I now know that today is the tomorrow I worried about yesterday, so now I make the most out of living today. And this way, my life not only takes care of itself, but it improves as well.

[bluidkiti]

December 28

Quote of the Week

"Be kind, be loving, be quiet."

I used to have a lot to say. At parties or gatherings, I had to make sure everyone was listening to the stories or jokes or opinions I had, because, don’t you know, I knew everything. And after a few drinks, I became the obnoxious attention-seeker whom people avoided. I was so self-absorbed that I didn’t even notice I was not getting invited to things, and by the end of my drinking, I didn’t care anymore.

In early sobriety, I couldn’t wait to give my opinions. When I was called on to share, I’m sure many people rolled their eyes as I told them why alcoholism wasn’t really a disease, and why I was there to just dry out and learn how to drink normally again. “Keep coming back,” was a phrase I heard often. Finally, my sponsor suggested I listen more and share my thoughts with him one on one after meetings. After many inventories, much Step work, and a lot of time, I understood the wisdom of this advice.

I’m a completely changed man today. I am sincerely interested in other people’s journey and experiences, and today I look to be of service whenever I can. I understand the value of kindness, and I look for opportunities to practice love and tolerance. I also appreciate the gift of remaining quiet and letting others express themselves. I love to listen to their stories and learn from their unique points of view. Today, I’d rather listen than share, and as such, both I and others enjoy our interactions more.