Eating For Mother

[MajestyJo]

Really liked the Food for Thought reading. I like the title too, Eating for Mother. It started way back when, Mother told me what to do, how to do it, and what not to do and what wasn't acceptable.

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

You are reading from the book Food for Thought

Eating For Mother

As babies and children, we made Mother happy by eating what she gave us. Since our emotions were closely tied to hers, when she was happy, we were also happy. We may have developed the mistaken notion that the more we ate, the happier Mother would be and, therefore, the happier we would be.

This illusion may be persisting into our adult life. On some level, we may not yet realize that no amount of food we can eat will make Mother permanently happy, anymore than it will make us happy. We may have eaten many times in the past in order to please Mother, rather than because we really wanted food. Subconsciously, we may still think we could please her by consuming more food than we need.

Working the OA program often brings to light other things we are doing in order to please someone else. Since each individual is responsible for his or her own happiness, there is nothing we can do to ensure the happiness of another individual. Realizing this on a gut level is a powerful tool for maintaining abstinence.

May I realize the/utility of eating to please someone else.

[MajestyJo]

It was like my life purpose was to make someone else happy with no thought of my own happiness, likes or dislikes.

I can remember saying many times over, "If you are happy, I am happy." What a load of crap! Yet I believed it, and thought that was my job. As my disease grew, it became I please you, now what are you going to give me. When I didn't get, then the anger and resentments moved in. The old thinking, "After all I did for you..." the LEAST you could do is...!"

Instead of a giving heart, it became a gimme heart and it was about what you can do for me instead of what I can do for you.

I was told what to eat, "It is good for you." I was told to clean up everything on my plate or there was no dessert, no play, no privileges. I was not deserving, I was not worthy of good food, I was wasteful and wouldn't grow up and be worthwhile.

So many messages, and then some changed in my own mind as they festered and grew and my perspective changed. My mom was a very good cook. I also saw myself a less than, because I felt I didn't measure up. I was always trying to please. One of my proudest moments in my life was making butter tarts and my father saying, "They were the best he had ever tasted."

Even in today, it isn't about please myself or others. It is about being right with me, sharing with others, and instead of being one, wanting to be different or like everyone else, we are made whole.