What’s In A Name?

[MajestyJo]

Generally when I here the word name, and look at myself, I remember the chuckles I have had over the years. It really doesn't matter what they call me, although I have been called Jo all of my life. In the past when they misspelled my name, I got really huffy. I might have told a few people that my name was special, and in my mind I didn't want anyone to take anything from it. I have read in many places, that 'Joanne' means God's Gracious Gift. I saw it as a blessing, but then I questioned myself, a long time habit that needed to be broken. I use to tell people that my mother got fancy and wrote my name as JoAnne, does that mean I don't qualify as God's Gift. It has been spelled many ways: Joann, JoeAnne, Jo-Anne, JoAnn, as well as Joe, which I consider the masculine to which I took offense, and yet my survivor side was my masculine sign and I wasn't too much into feminine.

What it boiled down to was a lot of Self and ego, and today I try to keep it simple. I know my God knows me by name. In reality, my name is Beatrice JoAnne. I hated the name Beatrice, even though I was called after my aunt who died at the age of 21, when my mom was 7 years old. It has special meaning, but couldn't get by the name after hearing a cousin being called Beets!

When I came into recovery, it took a while, but I finally got to a place where I was open to Bea Jo, it is okay to be Jo.

How our minds can take a small thing and build it up into something that is blown all out of proportion. As the saying goes, "Don't care what you call me, as long as you don't call me late for dinner."

Majesty was a name given to me by my ex-bosses' son. I did his job before him, and he felt like he had to tell me what to do. Needless to say it didn't go down well, and he was the first one who called me on my stuff, so I didn't want to hear it from him. He said, "I don't think you would have all those migraines if you didn't take so many pills. A good example of listening to the message, don't look at the messenger or blame them. It took me another 3 years to find recovery.

My God was there, leading and guiding me to where I needed to be.

There is that space, where doors have closed but haven't had closure yet, or a new door hasn't opened yet, and I see a window, and I have a choice to make, and have to pause and ask for the Good Orderly Direction I need.