Chipping Away at Defects of Character

[MajestyJo]

Just for today, I will forgive myself. If I can't forgive myself, how can I forgive others. A counsellor asked me when I was 6 years sober, "Why haven't you forgiven yourself?" I replied, "I never thought to ask." I didn't think I was worthy. The old church tapes and tapes from my parents said I was a walking sin. Every step I took through my life I feared that God was going to strike me down, and if something bad happened, I deserved it.

I had to build a new relationship with my God, so I could walk in faith instead of fear. One Sunday, I went to church, took communion and said, "God that is my amend to you. I never went back to church. I have thought for the last year of going back, but like meetings, I just don't get out and about. Like today, my nights and days get turned around. I went to bed about 7 a.m. and woke up at 10 a.m., I made the decision to go back to bed because my feet were so badly swollen. I woke up at 4:50 p.m. having slept the day away. That is a lot of sleep for a person who never slept much. I am not sure if it was the new medication or just the healing I asked for in a meditation before I went to bed, after talking to my friend Sharon at 9 p.m. until 11 p.m. I gave thanks for the sleep and the healing, because I didn't wake up with a head ache, and my feet aren't as so badly swollen. There was a part of me that felt guilty for sleeping the day away, and even though they say, "Your body must have needed it," I feel like it was a bad thing to do to sleep the day away even though it is raining. So now having expressed myself, now I can let it go. I missed lunch and my noon meds, so had two of the blueberry muffins when I woke up and now I have to figure out what is for dinner.

[MajestyJo]

Just for today, I will be accepting of what is. I will surrender to the moment, knowing that I will be empowered to do what I need to do in today. Accepting doesn't mean I have to like it, but without acceptance, I can't move forward, grow or change.

In the moment, I accept the fact that I am hungry and I need to go and eat. It is not a spiritual or emotional void, it is a physical need that is necessary for my health and well being.

[MajestyJo]

Just for today, I will remember H.A.L.T. - Hungry, Angry, Lonely, and Tired. It was important for me to remember that I had to apply this to not only my physical life, but my emotional, mental, and spiritual too.

[MajestyJo]

Just for today, I will my a conscious effort to connect with the God of my understanding. I will do a meditation and listen to what He has to say to me in today. Maybe I can get out of doing laundry. Sorry, only kidding.

When I told a friend that God dried the dishes in my house, she replied, "Aren't you over relying on God." I said, "Oh No! He makes the air we breathe, and the air dries my dishes." I can never live through a day without relying on Him.

It is important to pray. It is more important to listen for the answers.

[MajestyJo]

Just for today, I will live in the moment and be accepting. I will lower my expectations, of myself and others. I will get out of my own way and allow things to happen as they should be, and not try to make things happen and play god with my life. I accept that my God knows what is best for me.

[MajestyJo]

Just for today, I will look for the blessings and give thanks. Today was mild, but it was windy and foggy, and it rained for most of the day. It was a dampness that went to the bones, so glad I didn't have to be out long in it. I got a bus right away that took me to the library and didn't have long to wait for a bus home. It is those little things that help a day go by and hours disappear and before you know it, the day is over. I used to make the time disappear. The days were so long, and I wanted time and life to go away. Now there are not enough hours in a day, now that is a real gift.

[MajestyJo]

Just for today, I will practice patience and tolerance and wait to hear from my son. He could hardly walk and actually fell because of pains in his spine. I offered to go with him, but he said "No!" He had to take a taxi, because he could hardly walk downstairs. I wanted him to take an ambulance, but he said, "No, they cost too much."

I will practice prayer and be tolerant with myself if I feel a little anxious.

[MajestyJo]

Just for today, I will be grateful. My son is feeling better and we are both going to the chiropractor today. I have been hurting too much to make my butterscotch oatmeal cookies, but still have them on my mind. I will be grateful when the threat of rain passes today, and hopefully be more productive tomorrow.

[MajestyJo]

Just for today, I will apply the program to all areas of my life. I no longer want to drink and drug, but I have to work on my emotional and spiritual sobriety daily. I will connect with the God of my understanding and ask for his Good Orderly Direction for today and follow it to the best of my ability.

[MajestyJo]

Just for today, I will be accepting of what is. Today was not a good day. I can accept that and not beat myself up over it. I am hurting today, so I am not going to defy what is going on, and get off my computer.

[MajestyJo]

Just for today, I will use my manners and watch my words. A little courtesy and a smile go a long way.

[MajestyJo]

Just for today, I will practice the principles in all of my affairs. The 12 Steps are applicable to all areas of my life.

The Steps of Recovery

1. I Can't
2. He Can
3. I'll Let Him
4. Clean House
5. Trust God
6. Surrender
7. Attitude Change
8. Prepare To End Isolation
9. Amending Actions
10. Basis for a Daily Living
11. Peace of Mind
12. Joy of Living Through Action

Tradition One - Unity
Tradition Two - Right Relation to HP
Tradition Three - Willingness
Tradition Four - Live & Let Live
Tradition Five - First Things First
Tradition Six - Keep It Simple
Tradition Seven - Self-Support
Tradition Eight - Altruism
Tradition Nine - Service, Responsiveness & Responsibility
Tradition Ten - Harmony
Tradition Eleven - Personal Humility
Tradition Twelve - Tolerance

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[MajestyJo]

Just for today, I will practice the principles in all of my affairs. The 12 Steps are applicable to all areas of my life.

The Steps of Recovery

1. I Can't
2. He Can
3. I'll Let Him
4. Clean House
5. Trust God
6. Surrender
7. Attitude Change
8. Prepare To End Isolation
9. Amending Actions
10. Basis for a Daily Living
11. Peace of Mind
12. Joy of Living Through Action

Tradition One - Unity
Tradition Two - Right Relation to HP
Tradition Three - Willingness
Tradition Four - Live & Let Live
Tradition Five - First Things First
Tradition Six - Keep It Simple
Tradition Seven - Self-Support
Tradition Eight - Altruism
Tradition Nine - Service, Responsiveness & Responsibility
Tradition Ten - Harmony
Tradition Eleven - Personal Humility
Tradition Twelve - Tolerance

[MajestyJo]

Just for today, I will be calm. I will go within and find peace. I know I am never alone. The God of my understanding is always with me. We are part of the whole, and I like the fact that no matter where I go, I will find an AA meeting and a Fellowship of alcoholics and addicts who understand me and have been where I have been.

[MajestyJo]

Just for today, I will pray for the willingness to be willing to do what I need to do for my health and well being. Feeling like I have a cold coming on and don't want to be sick for Christmas. Don't want to pass it on to my family. Woke up yesterday with a sore throat, a runny nose, a head ache, and the body is hurting enough that I just want my bed. I was told to do the do things, nurture yourself and be open to receive the healing energies you need.