Please Post I'm in trouble

[mmacto]

I kind of love how alcoholics think. Man it's a bunch of work being one. Here's my awesome thinking that I actually live and also lived by. I won't bore you with knowing when every thing closes and get your booze from different places so they won't know (they know).Thats entry level.
My number 1) hide or turn off your phone. I do that 95% of the time. The other 5% results in embarrassment. Don't use your phone.
2. white wine doesn't count. It actually does when you've scoffed a bottle of red after and a few shots. Friends wondering why you're so wasted.
3. Your fellow alcoholic friends are just as ****ed as you. Don't worry if you lose them. They'll lose you happily. Quitting makes them feel bad.
4. Alcoholics are often cool smart people. Usually damaged. Never completely give up on them. But understand them. They lie.
5. Try not to do drugs especially cocaine which is the peanut butter and jelly of alcohol. You won't eat. You'll drink twice as much. Next day is horrible. Also confusing because you were convinced you could save the world. Awful.
6. Alcoholics lie. Nuff said
7. You'll eventually lose your driving license. Don't **** me. Of course you drive 'impaired". See rule 6
8. Even weekends in jail suck. Trust me. It's a whole lot of hate. And you have about as much street cred as a crooked accountant.
9. You will cross that line from functioning to non. It's an ugly place and is completely unpredictable when it happens. 2 years? 40?
10. Your work might suck but calling in sick after drinking a Mickey of vodka when you woke up isn't because you didn't get a raise. They WILL though eventually fire your unreliable alcoholic self.
11. Don't make fun of this line. You drink the bottle. Then the bottle drinks you. It does. Alcohol is a cruel mistress when you are an alcoholic.
12. You'll get fat. Really fat. Or weirdly skinny with a very non sexy little beer belly. Either way you'll look like ****.
13. Try AA. It's a good program. Not for all but most. Just give it a try.
14. You'll hurt your family. Believe me they know. They just either love you or are so dysfunctional and embarrassed by your behaviour they protect you. Either way you're the asshole.
15. No one thinks a drunk is sexy ( for the youngsters) and bad things happen to passed out girls.


Unfortunately I'm not giving you this information as a recovered person. But I'm going to try again. Never give up. It's a ****ty disease. Anyone willing to help?