Program vs. Fellowship

[MajestyJo]

At first it was the Big Book, and I learned to find myself in the pages of it, but it took two years for me to identify and not compare, and I had a lot of denial.

For me it has always been the 12 Steps, first in the Big Book and then in the 12 & 12. The 12 Steps and Traditions are a common denominator between all the fellowships.

It isn't the drug that is the problem is me. It was my thinking, that obsessive/compulsive thinking that kept me bound to my addiction(s).

I had to go for outside help. I went to AA because of my denial. I always knew I was an addict, some is good, more is better.

At the moment I am listening to some 60s music hosted by Davey Jones, and it brings back a lot of memories. It was not a good time in my life. Earlier I watched a 1956 Lawrence Welk show, I was 14 and one of the worst years of my life. So glad I don't have to live that way any more. It wasn't so much drugs and alcohol, although came to play a part of my life, it was my thinking and my perception that were the roots of a lot of resentment, anger, rejection, abandonment, etc.

The fellowship loved me back to good health, until I could work the steps and learn to love myself. They were very healing, and the program is a 'we' thing, that kept me coming back and not feeling alone. I was not the only one who thought that way or followed the thought with action, which would have been better left undone.