Cocaine addict for the last five years

[MajestyJo]

Welcome Myron, thanks for sharing with us. If you have a detox in your area, it would be best to go and detox with supervision and you won't have to go through it alone.

No one told me about detox and I went through hell for 5 days on my own. I don't recommend it to anyone. I worked with a Social Worker and she got me into treatment. It was there that I was introduced to NA and AA. It wasn't until later that I was introduced to CA. I have never used cocaine, but I have a son who has been addicted to it for years. He says I don't understand, he has been to treatment several times but chooses to continue to use.

It sounds like you have the willingness. I don't know how far away you are from Toronto, but there are several places to get help. If you want to quit, pick up the phone and call CA in your area, if you have no meetings there, go to NA. I know my son's first addiction was alcohol and then pot. The drug is but a symptom of our disease. We do have a disease. We have an allergy of the body, we don't metabolize things like other people do and we have an obsessive/compulsive disorder and our mind tells us we don't need help, we will be okay, this time it will be different. We forget the negative and where the drug will take us, all we can think of is the high and what the drug can do for us. For me it was to block things out and it helped me, or so I thought on a daily basis.

I had migraines for the first 7 years of recovery. I worked with my doctor, was in the hospital, and thought I was going to lose my sanity. One day at a time it does get better. We don't quit forever, we do it one day at a time. Just for today, I choose not to use. I use the 12 Steps of AA and it is applicable to all areas of my life, including my chronic pain. I could often stop, but I couldn't stay stopped. In August, God willing, I will have 25 years of sobriety. With my pain especially, I need this program just as much in today as I did when I entered the doors of a treatment center.

I went to two meetings a day for two years. Some are not fortunate enough to have that amount of time, but I was unemployable and was on welfare and then I was put on disability thanks to the social worker. I was at the YWCA for two years, one step off the streets. It is a progressive disease. In today I have a my own one bedroom apartment in a senior complex. I didn't find recovery until I was 49. I qualified at 26. I figure my God had a purpose for me. By rights, I shouldn't be alive with some of the decisions I made.

They say, "We are where we are in today as a result of decisions made. I didn't make very many healthy decisions. I try to make healthy choices in today.

I was in total denial about being an alcoholic. I walked into a meeting and thought, "I want what they have got. I wonder if I keep coming, even though I am not an alcoholic, but I will say I am, so I can have what they have."

It is the thinking behind the drinking and drugging. I went out with a salesman when I was 26. I said to a friend, "Gee he drinks so much, I wonder if I can keep up with him." I started drinking rum and switched to rye so I could help him drink his booze and yet I didn't think I had a problem. I went to AA for my denial. I went to NA for identification, I new I was addicted to drugs, and even though they said alcohol is a drug, it took a long time to get it through my head. I used alcohol like I used the other drugs. I used men and relationship, work, prescription drugs (my doctor was my supplier for years), etc. and I never came across cocaine on my journey, but I did meet up with pot and hash and I grateful in today, that they made me so sick, I found never to try them again. When I quit smoking cigarettes (using the NA program), I found out that I was allergic to smoke of all kinds, including fireplaces and bonfires.

Some people say that the 12 Step program didn't work for them. I found that it worked when I worked it. It works if you work for your recovery and work for the program and get involved in service helping other addicts like you.

Thanks for letting me share. I wish you well on your journey. The worst day in recovery far out weighs the best day I had when I was using. Call your local help line and ask for someone to visit you. It helps them as much as it helps you. They say you don't have to be clean for your first meeting, but it helps. There is a lot of material here on the site. Peruse it and hopefully, you will find what you need. Click on each heading, there is a lot of stuff behind the scenes.