Step one

[MajestyJo]

This reminds me of the teachings of the Medicine Wheel when I was in treatment and an Elder came in to share with us. I never forgot and has been a big part of my grown over the years. When I went to the volunteer banquet last week, an Elder spoke there on the four directions as it applied as a whole to us all. My version was more personal.

Every lesson in life, including my journey into recovery and my growth once I got here, started int he East. It is a time of illumination and clarity and for me new awareness and is represented by the colour Yellow. It is a time of rebirth .

Slowly we go to the South, which is a time I need to learn to crawl before I can walk. It is a tim of letting go of the past, healng the hirt and identifying thing that have caused me pain (situations, character defects, old tapes, grief, etc.) I have become a responsible adult. It is represented by the colour Red.

In the West, is a time of Introsepction and Goals, learning to apply my lesson to my life and learnng to walk my talk. It is the colour Black.

In the North, I have experienced a change, a new way of life and I pass this message onto others. I share my experience, strength and hope. It is the time of the Elder and is represented by the colour White.

Between the time of the Elder and the Babe is the "The State of Beingl" One of the hardest places to be in your life. You have put closure on your cycle and a new one has not yet appeared and you don't know what the next step will be. As a wise woman said many years ago,"It is okay to 'just be' and do what comes in front of you as it appears."

My life is unmanageable when managed by me. I had to take the first half of Step One 100% and admit my powerlessness, but the second part of the step, is something that I have to work on daily.

Not only aware that I had a disease, but the fact that ADDICTION is a disease. Self-honesty is one of the hardest things to get, we tend to sugar coat things, look through rose-coloured glasses, only see with tunnel vision, have selective hearing, and often just speak what we think others want us to say.

If there is only one voice, one thought, one perception, I am living out the ISMs - I, Self, and Me. No God, no partner, no friend, and I am living in my disease.