Wisdom For Today - September

[bluidkiti]

September 16

Wisdom for Today



It was indeed a heavy load that I carried around because of my drinking and drug use. The dishonesty, guilt and shame all piled up into a tremendous burden. Addiction turned me into a liar. In order to get what I wanted I would con, manipulate and lie. I lived in constant fear of being found out. I lived constantly trying to hide from others and myself.

When I walked into the Twelve Step program, my dishonesty did not just vanish because I stopped using. I still wanted to hide. But I found acceptance in the eyes of those people sitting around the tables. I listened to others whose story was like mine. I heard people talk openly and honestly. I wanted what they had. I could see the freedom that honesty provided. I found out that I did not have to hide anymore. Have I gotten rid of the heavy load that dishonesty and addiction provide?




Meditation for the Heart



As fear, worry, deceit and lying slipped away, I found new spiritual principles filling my life; and with them came serenity and peace of mind. Old ways sometimes die hard and are quick to come back. It is easy to slip back into dishonesty, but I can never afford to lie to myself about my addiction. I am an alcoholic and an addict. I must rely on the guidance from my Higher Power and find the courage to remain true to myself and to my Higher Power. It is the only way to find freedom. Do I let dishonesty enslave my heart and mind?




Petitions to my Higher Power



God,

Today let me be honest and truthful in all that I do. When fear grabs my heart, help me to find courage to speak in truth. When I want to run and hide, let me seek Your guidance. Lead me to freedom.

Amen.

[bluidkiti]

September 17

Wisdom for Today



What an incredible beating alcohol and drugs put me through! Waking up in the morning with my head feeling three sizes too big, jumpy nerves and nausea, pounding headaches - all were a part of the physical beating. Then there was the mental punishment. The worry, anxiety, fear seemed constant. The remorse, regret and guilt were constant companions. The shame of realizing what I had done to the people I cared about and the inability of being able to even look at myself in the mirror were all a part of the mental pain I claimed because of my use. Then came the loss of freedom and the loss of dreams and even the loss of self in the spiritual demise that addiction provided.

It was an awful beating that alcohol and drugs provided. The physical, mental and spiritual devastation was complete. Yet the insanity of the disease told me that next time would be different. But it was not. My family told me to get out. They had had enough. Am I convinced that I am beaten? Am I ready to give up?




Meditations for the Heart



When you reach the point of defeat, you are left with no choice but to give up. But this brings on the question of what or who can help me if I cannot help myself. When I sought the path of the Divine Spirit, it meant that everything in my life suddenly had to change direction. I could no longer continue on the path I was on. The reversal of direction was not easy. My body had to heal physically, my mind needed time to clear, and I had to admit that I was not God. This new path seemed very rocky at first, and I had no idea where it would lead. But I had to stay the course because I knew where the other path I was on would end up - total destruction of my life. Soon I found that this new path led me to something I did not expect - peace of mind and hope. No one said it would be easy, but it was simple -- follow the principles of the program. Do I see that this new path can only bring me good?




Petitions to my Higher Power



God,

Today guide me along this new path. Help me to hold onto the hand that recovery offers, and lead me to a place of peace. Help me to heal physically, mentally and spiritually. Give me the gift of hope in this new way of living. Give me the courage and strength to stay on this path and not go back to the one that led to my destruction.

Amen.

[bluidkiti]

September 18

Wisdom for Today



I will never be able to figure out how much money I wasted on alcohol and drugs. The sad part is that I was not just wasting my money, but money that rightfully should have been spent on my family. Getting wasted really wasted a lot more than just me. The financial burden I had on my family was tremendous. Over and over I would ask immediate and extended family to bail me out of a jam. Eventually I found there was little I could do to regain their trust, and asking them for more money was not possible. This led to a growing desperation and more use. The insanity continued.

I was not able to dig my way out just because I stopped using. It took time and staying connected to the program. Frequently I was tempted to take on extra work to pay the bills, but going to meetings was the only way I could stay clean and sober. If I didn't stay clean and sober, I knew I never would get out of the mess. Am I willing to be patient for financial answers? Am I being responsible with the resources I have?




Meditations for the Heart



My future is in the hands of God. I still need to do the footwork if I am to find a way out of the mess addiction created in my life. I must take responsibility for my recovery and seek wisdom from others in the decisions I face. One thing I have learned is that each day can be about progress. Sometimes it is not always easy to see. One day I woke up, and many of the problems I had were gone. This did not mean I had no problems, just better ones - in most instances. And the problems that weren't better, I could handle more constructively. Are the problems I am facing today better than the problems I had? Do I trust that God can and will help me with each problem I face?




Petitions to my Higher Power



God,





Today help me face each problem I have with hope. Let me feel assured that by following the principles of the program that the promises of recovery can indeed happen in my life. Help me not to be discouraged but to walk with the knowledge that You walk with me.

Amen.

[bluidkiti]

September 19

Wisdom for Today

My drinking and drugging kept leading me from one dead end to another. Despite all the signs along the way, I kept up this vicious circle and kept coming back to the same dead end. This was the insanity of my illness; I couldn’t learn from my drinking and drug using experience. Despite all the consequences of my use, I kept going making the same mistakes over and over. I refused to accept the evidence. I couldn’t face the truth. I wouldn’t even consider that there might be a way out of the insanity.

In part, I continued in this insanity because I could not believe or hope for anything better. This false pride and my inability to be honest kept me trapped. The program offered me something different, a road that led somewhere. When I first started going to meetings, I was not an instant convert. But, over time I saw others finding their way out of the insanity. They were no different
than I, and they were making it. Finally, I had hope that life was not a dead end. Am I still spinning in circles and going down dead ends?
Meditations for the Heart

I sometimes sit and realize the gifts I have gotten along this new path and sit in awesome wonder. None of the wonderful things that have happened are because of what I have done. They are the gifts of recovery. Life still has problems and some of them can be difficult, but I rest assured that God will do for me what I cannot do for myself. He gives me strength for the journey. I still have to walk the walk each and every day. Yet I know I will find the answers I need if I just follow God’s will for me. Am I willing to let God be my guide today?
Petitions to my Higher Power

God,

Help me stay on the narrow path. Guide me and direct me to the next right thing. Help me be open to your will for me and give me the strength and courage to follow where you will lead me.

Amen

[bluidkiti]

September 20

Wisdom for Today



I relied on drinking and drugging for a lot of things. It was the only way I knew how to have a good time. It gave me the “rush” and excitement I craved. It seemed to break down walls and give me the courage to talk with others. If I was hurting physically or mentally, I looked to my addiction to cure my ills. If I had a bad day on the job or was in trouble with my spouse and the whole world seemed against me, I would seek comfort in my addiction. I just felt better if I was wasted. I looked to drinking and my drugs to solve all my problems. I relied on my addiction for all my answers. Have I stopped relying on my addiction?




Meditations for the Heart



To give up my reliance on drinking and drugging, I had to surrender. This was the only way out of the insanity. Surrender is the foundation on which all solid recovery programs are built. Surrender must be complete and not conditional, or it is not really surrender. But what was I surrendering to? Was I simply admitting defeat? Well, no! I also had to find something else to rely on, because I surely could not rely on myself. Whenever I tried my way, it did not work. The AA Big Book pointed the way, “That one is God; may you find Him now.” Am I willing to surrender to the care and love of a Higher Power, as I understand Him?




Petitions to my Higher Power



God,

I give up. I have nowhere else to turn but to You. Help me to see that in surrender I am giving my will and my life over to Your care. Help me to stay on the path – “just for today.”




Amen.

[bluidkiti]

September 21

Wisdom for Today



Early in my recovery process I was frequently tempted to put myself in high-risk situations. I wanted to see old friends. I was lonely. I wanted to have a good time. I was bored. I would get angry, or I would find myself living in the pain. I even found myself making things worse and sabotaging my recovery. I would relapse back into old behaviors. It didn’t take long for me to figure out that just because I stopped drinking and using did not mean I was cured. I was still behaving like an alcoholic and an addict.

I also had a lot of evidence that I could not trust my judgment. I was impulsive and always wanted to act without thinking things through. In times like this I needed others that I could trust to help me. I needed help to make healthy decisions. I found this help at meetings. I was my own worst enemy, and it would take time to learn how to be my own friend. I had to learn to truly care for myself. Being honest and talking about what was really going on in my life at meetings did help me to learn the things that did not come naturally to me. Am I willing to be honest and ask for help when I need it?




Meditations for the Heart



Being very self-centered makes it hard to ask others for help. I perceived this as a sign of weakness. Asking for help meant I was not successful in managing my own life. I had to admit that my life was unmanageable. Then my sponsor asked me a question, “ If you cut yourself, would you stitch yourself up; or would you go to the emergency room?” His question was valid. I certainly would not do something I didn’t know how to do, and I certainly didn’t know how to stay clean and sober. I needed help, and I had to ask for help when I needed it. Fortunately God put people in my life that I could turn to for help. I learned from those who had a few more twenty-four hours than I did. I got the guidance I needed. Am I too proud to ask for help when I need it?




Petitions to my Higher Power



God,

Today let me be humble and not proud and arrogant. Let me be willing to ask for help when I need it. Give me the courage to do the footwork necessary to change the things I can. Help me learn how to really care for myself and make healthy decisions.

Amen.

[bluidkiti]

September 22

Wisdom for Today



Living in a dead-end life happened because I refused to be honest with others or myself. I had to always be on the run to avoid the truth of my addiction. I didn’t want to give up my alcohol or drugs. I didn’t want to admit that I was out of control. I didn’t want to give up my anger and resentments. I didn’t want to give up my selfishness. I didn’t want to give up my way of thinking.

All this led me to a place where my drinking and using was truly threatening my life and all that I valued. Still no matter how severe the consequence, I couldn’t bring myself to admit that I was whipped. If I was ever going to find a way out of the insanity, I had to change my thinking. I had to give up and surrender. I had to admit I was and always will be addicted. Have I changed my thinking?




Meditations for the Heart



Life without limits is possible in the program, for my Higher Power is not limited in what He can do for me. This does not mean that I can run wild and have no guidelines to follow; but it does mean that with the words, “He can,” my life can be limitless. There is such freedom in surrender. Yes, this is paradoxical; but it is how it works. Giving up control and letting go is the only way out. Those first steps on the road to recovery are not easy. In fact, it is the hardest thing I have ever done. Still it is a simple thing to say, “I can’t.” And then with God's help, the recovery process can begin. Do I really believe “I can’t?” Do I believe that “He can?”




Petitions to my Higher Power



God,

The vision of what my life will be is not always clear. Help me to trust that Your vision for me is limitless. Help me to take just one step at a time on this journey. Thank You for the freedom You provide me in surrender.

Amen.

[bluidkiti]

September 23

Wisdom for Today



In the beginning, all I wanted to do was to stop the insanity of my drinking and using. I felt so helpless and hopeless; I didn’t see a way out. I had to find someone or something I could rely on, as I had plenty of evidence I couldn’t trust myself. I found the answer in the voices of those who sat around the tables at meetings. I found that I could rely on a Power outside of myself. I found out that I was not God. Before long I didn’t just want to be clean and sober, but I wanted to stay that way.

Learning a new way of living was not easy, but the program provided some simple guidelines. When I was in my insanity of addiction, I relied on an artificial method of finding excitement in my life. Through the program I found that I could find happiness in the simple pleasures of life. I could get a kick out of life without drugs or alcohol. I no longer needed an artificial means to happiness as I was finding happiness in the simple everyday events in my life. I could laugh again. I could live through the difficulties and come out okay. I could give and receive love again. Is my outlook changing?




Meditations for the Heart



Gratitude is an attitude that I must have each and every day. I must remember to thank God and others even on the difficult days. Often times I find strength I didn’t even know I had. I know now that this is a gift of grace. God does for me what I cannot do for myself. It is easy to develop tunnel vision and only focus on the things that are going wrong or the things that continue to be problematic. At times like this I must open my eyes to see the things that are going right. I need to look for those things that have changed in my life and understand that I am still a work in progress. God is not finished with me yet. I need to be grateful for all that He has done. Do I take time to live in gratitude?




Petitions to my Higher Power



God,

Today help me to focus on all the problems I no longer have. Help me to see that You are helping me to solve those problems that remain. Let me see the opportunities that You provide for change in my life and take advantage of these opportunities. Walk with me as I walk through this day.

Amen.

[bluidkiti]

September 24

Wisdom for Today



One of the times that I struggle most is when I am sick or have physical pain. When I don't feel well and am having a hard time just doing the basic tasks of the day, it is easy to fall into some big traps. The first trap is a desire for immediate relief. I want out of the place in which I am, even if it is only temporary. This is dangerous thinking for the alcoholic or addict. The other trap is the "poor me" syndrome. Feeling sorry for myself is equally dangerous. The final trap is isolation. I don't want to be around anyone when I am not feeling well. I tend to get short with my patience and short with my anger. I just want relief.





Fortunately, the program has taught me some valuable lessons. The first is delayed gratification. Some things just have to be worked for. This is true with physical recovery. I have to work harder at being responsible and harder at being patient. Illness is a temporary condition. It will pass. The same is true of pain. Having had to endure the struggles of physical rehabilitation, I know this firsthand. I also know I must get out of isolation and "tell on my disease." If I start to get into stinking thinking, I have to call someone and tell on myself. Friends in recovery are quick to get me back on track. Am I willing to use the tools that the program offers me when I am sick or in pain?




Meditations for the Heart



“Keep it simple” is the slogan that has real meaning for me when I am sick or in pain. I have to go back and rely on the basics. I cannot afford to run to the drug store looking for a quick cure. It would be too easy to pick up something that might put my recovery at risk. This is why I have talked these things though with my doctor ahead of time, so I know which medications are safe for me and which ones aren't. I have to rely on the help of others. My sponsor is a good one to cheer me up. He will remind me of what taking care of myself really means. Keep it simple! Don't be afraid to ask for help and guidance. Do I have a good plan in place should I become ill or injured?




Petitions to my Higher Power



God,





When I am not feeling well or in pain, help me to know I am not alone. Give me patience while my body heals. Help me to be responsible and to care for myself so that I can return to health. Keep me watchful for the traps that lie along the path, and help me avoid them.





Amen.

[bluidkiti]

September 25

Wisdom for Today



When I was active in my addiction, my thinking was all messed up. Drinking and using seemed normal to me. I was capable of rationalizing and defending all my behaviors and decisions. When I entered the program, I had to learn a new way of thinking. I had to learn how to think straight. I had to learn how to look at life differently. This was not something I did on my own. I needed help from others. I needed to learn the “Wisdom to know the difference.”





Wisdom was not something I had a lot of early on in recovery. I needed to rely on others in the program to give me feedback and suggestions. I had to learn that to do that which was healthy for me was the wise thing to do. Still today I need help sometimes to sort out what is healthy and wise for me. I thank God for the program and the people who have helped me along the way. Am I doing what is wise for me to do each day? Am I developing clean and sober thinking?




Meditations for the Heart



Sometimes I find that my day seems to be too busy. I have too much going on. I can even get overwhelmed. My sponsor used to remind me to breathe. It was his way of saying, “Slow down; easy does it.” It was his way of reminding me to walk through the day knowing that God would only give me what I could handle. It was his way of saying to me that God would give me what I needed to make it through the day. Do I have confidence that God will give me what I need to make it through each day, each situation, each breath?




Petitions to my Higher Power



God,





Today, my plate seems full, and there are a lot of things I need to do. Help me to walk through this day without fear or worry. Help me to be wise in my thinking. Lead me to the people that will help me along the way. Give me the courage to ask for help when I need it.




Amen.

[bluidkiti]

September 26

Wisdom for Today



When I was using, I thought I was happy; but the truth was that I was not happy. A huge piece of this unhappiness was being cut off from others, particularly the people I loved. My addiction to alcohol and drugs formed a wall between me and the people I loved the most. My wife, my kids, my parents, my siblings -- all were held at a distance. I could have no real companionship or intimacy with the people I loved. It didn’t matter how much or how often I tried to show them love, I just could not get close. My dishonesty, my guilt and the shame I carried around all formed bricks in a wall that did not allow me to be close. The result was terminal loneliness. I could not be in a real relationship with others or even myself as long as I maintained a relationship with the bottle or my drugs.





All this began to change when I entered the fellowship of the Twelve Step program. I began to feel a sense of belonging. I could risk honesty in my communication with others and found that I was accepted. This made it possible to begin being honest with the people I loved. There are still times that I want to run and hide in relationships with others. But it has gotten easier. There are still times I also want to avoid dealing with painful issues in my relationships with others. But the program and my friends in the fellowship give me the courage to face the pain and deal with reality. One thing I do know is that I no longer have to be lonely. Am I risking openness and honesty with the people with whom I need to be?




Meditations for the Heart



Sometimes it is important for me to go off to a quiet place and be in relationship with my Higher Power. God as I understand Him is a friend that cares for me no matter what. I have unconditional acceptance. I don’t need to pretend, cover up or hide my brokenness. I am accepted for who I am. This does not mean I am not encouraged to change the things I can, quite the contrary. I go to the quiet place to find restoration, guidance and power. In relationship with God I find what I need for the day. I do not get what I need for a week or a month, but what I need for the day; and it is enough. In addiction I always wanted more; in recovery what I need is enough. This is one of the gifts of the program. I can rest assured that I will have enough courage, enough strength and enough wisdom for each day. Am I satisfied with enough, or am I still looking for more?




Petitions to my Higher Power



God,





Today I know You will walk with me and support me in all that I do. No problem will be too big, as I know in my heart I will have enough of whatever I need to deal with the problems I face. Continue to encourage me to be open and honest in my relationships with others. Help me to build bridges and not walls.




Amen.

[bluidkiti]

September 27

Wisdom for Today



There is no doubt in my mind or my heart that drinking and drugging separated me from God. It really doesn’t matter what your religious background is or if you claim to not know God, drinking and drugging creates separation from God. When chemical use becomes your Higher Power, you cannot have a relationship with God. You cannot serve two masters. When I was active in my addiction, I turned my life over to drugs and alcohol. I followed them blindly wherever they led me. One consequence after another did not deter my faith that somehow alcohol and drugs could fix my problems. The more I followed my addiction, the more separation I created between God and myself. There was this huge void in my life. There was guilt, shame and remorse. Why did I hurt so much?





When I entered the program, I heard the words, “God, as you understand Him.” These were not the words I wanted to hear. At first I struggled with trusting God and did not want to believe that God could possibly care about me after all that I had done. Yet over time I opened myself up to the possibility that “God could and would if He were sought.” What I eventually found was a God of forgiveness and a God of acceptance. I began to see evidence that things were changing in my life, things that used to baffle me. I began to see that God was indeed active in my life and that He saved me from myself. Am I willing to open the door to the possibility that a Higher Power is working in my life?




Meditations for the Heart



Not every day in recovery is easy; problems still exist. Some days are down right hard to make it through. Still I need to believe that God will strengthen me for every battle I face. In my struggles I find that my faith is renewed and made stronger. Not everything turns out like I hope it will. I need to remember that I am following God’s will for my life. This is not to say that God makes bad things happen to test me, but I must trust that God will give me what I need to face my struggles. Finding things that I can be grateful for in the middle of my struggles has helped me. Trusting that God does care about me has helped. What helps you to make it through the difficult times?




Petitions to my Higher Power



God,





Too often I do not even look for You in the midst of my struggles. Yet I am gently reminded that You are always there for me. So many times I can see that the people around me help me. How does this happen? Help me to see that You bring these people into my life for a reason. Help me to see that when others care for me, it is because of your Divine intervention.




Amen.

[bluidkiti]

September 28

Wisdom for Today



Alcohol and drugs took me to school, and the lessons were not easy to learn. Despite all the clues that I was in serious trouble, my addiction had a way of hiding the evidence. Denial is a way we defend ourselves from that which is painful. It is not something that is unique to addiction, but simply a part of life. Even in recovery I have had my struggles with denial. I have wanted to deny many of my character defects. I have wanted to deny many of the effects that alcohol and drugs continued to have on me long after I stopped drinking and using. Hiding from the truth was easier to do when I was using, and I'm glad I now recognize this. I have found that even the most painful struggles I have faced clean and sober can be survived. I have learned that I do not have to face these struggles alone.





The lessons learned in the school of addiction have to be unlearned. New ways of living life must be learned. Many of the lessons of recovery are not easy lessons either. Learning to surrender, learning to face self, learning how to repair the damage and learning how to live all can be challenging. But these challenges do not need to be faced alone. There is help, and the instructors and teachers I find around the tables at Twelve Step meetings are more than willing to share their knowledge. Am I glad that I graduated from the school of addiction and now study in the school of recovery? You bet I am!




Meditations for the Heart



Life itself is a school, and the most important lessons I need to learn are the spiritual lessons. To be a good student I must be willing to listen. Learning to listen for God's voice in our life is not always easy. There have been many days when I would open myself up to listen and heard nothing but silence. Still, I had to keep trying. Little by little I began to hear that "still, small voice" in the middle of the chaos of my life. Over time it has become easier to listen for my Higher Power, and I am surprised at how often God reveals His will for me. I am amazed at the incredible sense of caring that God provides to me. At the time these things were happening, I did not always recognize them. Now I can look back and see many miracles that have happened in my life. Am I willing to listen for God's voice in my life?




Petitions to my Higher Power



God,





Today let me be an open book and ready to have You write Your message on my heart. Give me ears to hear that "still, small voice" in my head that is Your calling out to me. Give me courage to ask the teachers in the program for help. Make me a good student of life today.




Amen.

[bluidkiti]

September 29

Wisdom for Today



Worry takes so much energy. When I was drinking and using, I was always concerned about what tomorrow would bring. I had no idea what was going to happen. Would I end up in jail? Would I end up broke and living on the street? Would I lose my job? Would I lose my family? All that energy going into tomorrow left little energy for the day I was living in. Sometimes my worry would progress into fear and even hopelessness. I even entertained thoughts of ending my life when I felt so worthless. Guilt and shame were my constant companions.

Just because I stopped drinking and using did not bring an end to my worries. It was only when I really began to use the steps as a guide for my life that my worries started to diminish. I was able to begin to use my energy in today, and I started to see things change. Unfortunately, when things still go wrong, as they do in life, I can still find myself back in the old habit of worrying. This is when I have to go back to basics - the first three steps. I can't, He can, and I'll let Him. Turning my worries over to God has helped me tremendously. It has taken a lot of practice, but it has gotten easier over time. Am I willing to turn my fears and problems over to God? Am I ready to follow His direction for addressing these problems?




Meditations for the Heart



Life is not always easy. No one promised me it would be. However, how I respond to the situations that life presents me with is a choice. I can respond as an addict or an alcoholic would respond, or I can respond to each situation with wisdom. Wisdom is a gift from God. Wisdom can be learned. Usually, when I have a difficult problem I am facing, the first thing I need to do is seek out a quiet place and talk with God. In prayer I can find wisdom. The next thing I need to do is seek out advice and help from others in the program. I can learn wisdom from these people. Then I need to pray some more and make a decision as to the wise course of action to take. Finally, I must initiate action and evaluate the outcome. If it works, I don't try to fix it. If the problem still remains, I repeat the earlier steps until a solution is reached. Notice, I don't plan the outcome; I just follow the steps. Do I trust that God will give me the wisdom I need?




Petitions to my Higher Power



God,

Each day begins differently, and each day I face new challenges. Guide me to Your wisdom, and lead me to the people who can teach me wisdom. Help me to focus on just one day at a time, for I already know this is wise.

Amen.

[bluidkiti]

September 30

Wisdom for Today



One room I spent too much time in during my addiction was the bathroom. Many times I found that I had too much to drink, or I had used too much of one of the drugs I secured. Then it was off to worship the porcelain god. The gut wrenching and the smell should have been enough to convince me that I should quit. Over and over I promised myself, “Never again!” But then it would start all over again. The mornings after were never any fun.





In recovery I now spend time in different rooms, the rooms where I am in fellowship with other recovering friends. The only time my gut hurts there is when I laugh so hard my sides hurt, and tears are rolling down my face. I guess that sometimes it is good to hurt like that. What’s even better -- I can remember what was so funny the night before. Have the mornings after changed with recovery?




Meditations of the Heart



Early in recovery I felt like I was walking in darkness. I had no idea where the road would lead. But after a time on this path, I began to see a new light. Hope and faith in God brought brightness into my days. At first I didn’t really understand where the light was coming from. But it was there for me nonetheless. As I got further into my recovery and began to help the newcomer, I saw the blinders they had on. That is when I realized that God’s light had always been there for me; but in recovery God had been kind enough to remove the blinders from my eyes. Does a new light shine for you?




Petitions to my Higher Power



God,





Today I know that Your light is there for me even on the days that seem dark and overcast. Even when my problems seem most troubling, Your light shines. I know that as long as I follow the steps, Your light cannot disappear from my eyes again. Give me the strength today to humbly follow the Twelve Steps and stay in Your light.




Amen.