Even More Recovery Readings and Meditations - May

[bluidkiti]

May 1

Step by Step

Today, not as an alcoholic working to avoid a relapse but as a soberholic embracing the addictive habit of recovery, I will laugh. I can now find the tragic irony of all I have wasted and lost only to be led to this point when I no longer have to drink - because sobriety has replaced my addiction to alcohol. I can laugh for the relief that I now think in terms of wanting sobriety more than fighting an urge or temptation to drink because, now, I don't need the drink or high. I can laugh at myself for realizing I have made my journey away from chronic intoxication so needlessly complicated because I overlooked a simple and basic truth: I want sobriety more than drinking. With that, I can work the steps with less fear, less hesitation, a higher self-esteem - and the hope and faith that my sobriety has progressed to where I need to be: in recovery. And our common journey continues. Step by step. - Chris M., 2016

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~ EASY DOES IT ~ (A Book of Daily 12 Step Meditations) ~

CONSCIOUS CONTACT

The task ahead of us is never as great as the Power behind us.

~ Anonymous ~

Step Eleven improves our conscious contact with God. We prepare ourselves for whatever is to come when we ask only to do the will of God. The more we practise this Step, the better we get at hearing what God is telling us. Our sixth sense of intuition becomes our main sense. We begin to intuitively know what to do.

We shouldn’t be surprised that we find ourselves in service. What better task is there for us than to carry the message? Step Eleven keys us into our Power. Step Twelve exercises that Power where it can do good. It is good to practice Step Eleven before we attempt to do anything, even get out of bed in the morning.

I focus on establishing contact with and turning my will over to my Higher Power before I attempt to do anything. Step Eleven opens my ears and my heart to what I am supposed to accomplish.

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~ WISDOM TO KNOW ~ (More Daily Meditations For Men) ~

Our Lord has written the promise of resurrection, not in books alone but in every leaf of springtime.

~ Martin Luther ~

Springtime is a perfect metaphor for renewed life, recovery, and resurrection. All around us we see the buds of leaves and flowers bursting forth in celebration. Just like nature, we, too, experience our personal springtime of renewal. Our personal anniversaries are worthy of celebration, whether it be one day, one month, or many years of recovery.

Some people are shy about celebrating their days and years of recovery. Maybe they feel unworthy, or they don’t want to draw attention to themselves. But the true spirit of celebration is humility. It’s not be-cause we have worked so hard that we deserve it; it’s that we have been given the gift promised in the Twelve Steps. Because we submit to the grace of God, we celebrate the gift we have received.

Today I see the symbols of renewed life within me and all around.

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~ A WOMAN’S SPIRIT ~ (More Meditations For Women) ~

When I’m acting as if I’m the center of the universe, it’s helpful to he reminded that I’m just another bozo on the bus.

~ Rose Casey ~

Being just another bozo on the bus doesn’t mean that our lives lack importance. On the contrary, we are coming to believe that each of us is here by design and destined to make a unique contribution to the whole of humankind. We are also coming to understand that our participation in an unfolding situation does not affect its entire outcome, crucial though our part may be.

When we can fully understand the meaning of this truth, we will sense a freedom that we did not know before. In the past we tried to be the center of the universe. This meant being responsible for nearly every circumstance affecting almost everyone we knew. Through the program we are learning that being in charge of ourselves, and ourselves only, is a big enough job in itself. Freeing ourselves of the burden of making decisions for everyone we love will enhance our well-being. Let’s revel in our bozoness!

I am as free and as joyful as I want to be today. I am In charge of myself and my well-being.

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~ TODAY I WILL DO ONE THING ~ (Daily Readings for Awareness and Hope) ~

I can manage my feelings of guilt

There were times when I felt so guilty that I (a) used chemicals just to forget the pain; (b) couldn’t be around people; (c) hurt myself and even thought of suicide. I considered myself a bad person and knew of no way to change.

I still think of using sometimes when I feel guilty. But I don’t−because in dual recovery I am taking three facts to heart: I have no-fault illnesses, I tend to be hard on myself, and I am a good person who deserves love and health. In recovery, I am learning that my feelings of guilt diminish when I work my program (for instance, by doing a Fourth Step and a Fifth Step) and stay honest doing a daily Tenth Step inventory. The relief, the peace, are worth it.

Today I will do an anonymous favour for someone.

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~ BODY, MIND, AND SPIRIT ~ (Inspiration and Support for Recovery) ~

Defeat is not the worst of failures.
Not to have tried is the worst failure.

~ George Edward Woodberry ~

Any new task, especially an important or difficult one, can cause anxiety. We can think of all sorts of reasons for not beginning a task, but the real reason is often fear of failure. We don’t want to look foolish or have people laugh at us, or look down on us because we didn’t do well.

The irony is that just the opposite is true. Most people admire someone who has tackled a major task, like learning a new language, or going back to school, or getting into an exercise program. Trying new things takes a certain amount of courage, and most people respect those who at least try.

Getting sober, arresting an addiction, is probably one of the most difficult tasks anyone can do. Sometimes, as we are working on recovery and wondering how on earth we can gain and maintain our program, we forget we are not alone. It’s normal to have a certain amount of doubt and anxiety, but that is not a reason to quit trying. We can be assured that the doubt and anxiety fades as, in time, we come to accept our powerlessness and the help of our Higher Power. With the grace of God, we are not alone.

Today help me take a risk and not be afraid of failure.

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~ MORNING LIGHT ~ (Meditations to Begin Your Day) ~

Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

~ Step Five ~

A prayer is a humble and heartfelt communication with a power greater than yourself. A prayer can admit a weakness, communicate a need, or convey praise and gratitude. Prayers can unburden your heart, give you strength and courage, and deepen your faith and trust in a Higher Power. Use the following prayer as you work on your understanding and acceptance of Step Five.

Step Five Prayer

Higher Power, I have undertaken a searching and fearless moral inventory. I have learned much about myself, and I have come face to face with the effects of my addiction.

Higher Power, thank you for the strength you have given me so I could accomplish this task. Your guidance has helped me see the wrongs I have committed. I now understand what is right.

I ask for your forgiveness for the harm I have done. I pray that you will look upon me with kindness and mercy. With your help, I can admit—with complete honesty and respect—the exact nature of my wrongdoings to you and to someone I trust. I humbly ask for your guiding light to show me the path ahead. Through your guidance, I will make progress in my recovery. Higher Power, thank you for listening to my prayer.

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~ NIGHT LIGHT ~ (A Book Of Nighttime Meditations) ~

The first sight of the lighthouse set boldly on its outer rock, the flash of a gull, the waiting procession of seaward-bound firs on an island, made me feel solid and definite again, instead of a poor, incoherent being . . . It was a return to happiness.

~ Sarah Orne Jewett ~

Many of us have things that calm us, center us, bring us inner peace. For some it is the ocean, with its smells, sounds, rhythm, vastness. For others it is a spectacular sunset, where luminous colors spark each surrounding cloud into an ethereal hue. Still others may have a song that gives peace and comfort.

These are our positive relaxation "fixes.” When we have been away from the ocean for a while, we have an urge to go again. Just seeing the ocean is reassuring and soothing, as is the sunset or song we seek for comfort.

Our ability to recall is a wonderful gift. By closing our eyes we can see relaxation, hear it, touch it. We can create it clearly in our minds. A few minutes of such meditation can do hours of good.

What relaxes me and makes me feel good? Tonight I will think about that pleasant thought and feel the peace and contentment it gives me.

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~ DAY BY DAY ~ (Daily Meditations for Recovering Addicts) ~

Loving ourselves

Our fellowship tells us to take care of our-selves first. It tells us that life and our Twelve Step program come before anyone or any-thing else. But what if we get too self-centered about this? Taking care of ourselves does not mean being selfish or maliciously hurting others to meet our own needs. What it means is that we learn to love and mature ourselves, because we are important. We are truly closest to ourselves, if we don’t love ourselves, who will?

The famous psychologist Erich Fromm says that if people can love productively, then they can also love themselves; if they can love only others, then they cannot love at all. This means that, to be able to love others, we need the capacity to love and care for ourselves.

Am I learning to love myself?

Higher Power, help me to love myself so that I may better love you and others.

Today I will work on how I feel about myself by

God help me to stay clean and sober today!

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~ IF YOU WANT WHAT WE HAVE ~ (Sponsorship Meditations) ~

Always do one thing less than you think you can do.

~ BERNARD BARUCH ~

Newcomer

In my first few months of recovery, I gave most of my attention to this program. Since becoming able to function better, I’ve taken on more responsibilities in my work life. I’m trying to do what I can to clear up debts and make some financial progress. But I’m overwhelmed with all my responsibilities, and I feel tired much of the time.

Sponsor

I identify with your desire to try to make up for lost time. When I first entered recovery, I felt exhausted just thinking about how much I had to make up for and how little time there was to accomplish everything. It didn’t occur to me that relaxation and creativity were equally as important and that, in fact, they were necessities of life.

You may need to reassess the responsibilities you’ve taken on. This is a good time for you to think about which of your responsibilities are essential, and which give you genuine pleasure. You may find that you can drop some activities to make time for others that lift your spirits instead of draining them. We didn’t enter recovery to make ourselves miserable. Joy is not only possible; it’s a requirement!

Today, I honor my need for joy.

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~ THE EYE OPENER ~

The aim of AA is not Sobriety but Happy Sobriety. The most effective and incidentally the soberest group, is the happiest group. It is possible that you can’t speak at meetings, maybe you are not in a position to “carry the message,” but you can and should show your happy sobriety in the radiance of your smile. It is our only advertisement and it should outshine in brilliance the gaudiest of neon signs.

The poor guy still in the gutter isn’t interested in your sobriety, he’s interested in the price of another drink. He is, however, very much interested in happiness. It’s what he has been looking for all his life and thought he could buy by the “fifth.”

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~ The 12 STEP PRAYER BOOK ~ (A Collection of Favorite 12 Step Prayers and Inspirational Readings) ~

RESENT SOMEBODY

The moment you start to resent a person you become that person’s slave. He or she controls your dreams, absorbs your digestion, robs you of your peace of mind and good will, and takes away the pleasure of your work.

A person you resent ruins your spirituality and nullifies your prayers. You cannot take a vacation without the person going along! He or she destroys your freedom of mind and hounds you wherever you go. There is no way to escape the person you resent.

That person is with you when you are awake and invades your privacy when you sleep. That person is close beside you when you eat, when you drive your car, and when you are on the job.

You can never have efficiency or happiness. The person you resent influences even the tone of your voice. He or she requires you to take medicine for indigestion, headaches, and loss of energy. That person even steals your last moment of consciousness before you go to sleep.

So if you want to be a slave, harbour your resentments.

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~ AROUND THE YEAR WITH EMMET FOX ~ (A Book of Daily Readings) ~

DEALING WITH DISHARMONY

It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a miting of divorcement:

But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery (Matthew 5:31-32)

We are told that in those days divorces were granted by the rabbinical law on most trifling grounds. Married people who were not getting on togeather as well as they would have liked, were prone to run away from the problem by obtaining an easy dissolution. Now we understand that no permanent happiness can be obtained in this way. As long as you are running away from your problem, you will continue to meet in a new guise at every turn in the road.

Just as in running from one business position to another, without first having brought about a change in consciousness, we find ourselves but repeating the old conditions in a slightly different form, so, as a rule, people who divorce freely are apt to finish up as dissatisfied as they began. The general role in Truth is, fight out your problem where you are, with prayer.

The general rule is still good for all conditions in life: Do not try to divorce or amputate the inharmony, but let it dissolve away of itself under God’s guidance.

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~ A DEEP BREATH OF LIFE ~ (365 Daily Inspirations for Heart-Centered Living) ~

Treasured Wounds

The only appropriate response to your brother is gratitude.

~ A Course in Miracles ~

Charles Dickens' character Miss Havisham was jilted by her fiance. As a lifelong reminder of the pain he caused her by leaving her at the altar, Miss Havisham keeps the wedding feast on her banquet table, just as it was. Although it has become stale and moldy, she regularly looks upon it with regret and resentment.

If we have an investment in not forgiving someone, we carry a "treasured wound” that reminds us of the injustice done to us. This wound might be an actual physical injury, pain, or illness; an article symbolic of our relationship; a photo; a piece of jewelry; a letter; or another person who connects us to the person. In all of these cases, we harbor one purpose: to keep the pain alive as we focus on the feeling that we have been victimized.

From the standpoint of the Spirit within us that loves to be free and happy, treasured wounds make no sense whatsoever. The voice of fear urges us to hold on to any memory or symbol that proves we were dishonored. The voice of love, on the other hand, holds on to any mementos of the love and blessings a relationship brought us.

Are you keeping any moldy wedding feasts on your banquet table? You may not be holding on to a literally stale meal, but perhaps you are still getting mileage out of an old hurt. Perhaps you have told the same story a hundred times, believing you gain justification by framing yourself as a victim. But with every shovelful of resentment we cast at another, we dig our own grave. We only lose when we cling to treasured wounds.

Instead, let us treasure the blessings we have gained. A Course in Miracles reminds us that “all that is left of your past is a blessing.” Let us clear the dead banquet from the table and invite someone wonderful for a new feast.

Help me find blessings and release any pain I have held onto through unforgiveness.

I release the past to make way for a brighter future.

© Alan Cohen 1996, 2010