Honesty???

[MajestyJo]

Sunday, December 29, 2013

You are reading from the book Today's Gift

The price of dishonesty is self-destruction.
—Rita Mae Brown

There once was a woman who told her husband what she thought he wanted to hear. She told him she was happy when she wasn't. She told him she liked his friends when she didn't. She tried to figure out what he wanted so she could do it for him. She felt hurt when he didn't do the same for her. She felt he should also try to read her mind and do what she wanted without her having to express it. She was scared to tell him how she really felt.

However, her pain and resentment grew so much she couldn't stand it any longer, so she told him her true feelings. He was so used to hearing her lies that he called her a liar when she told the truth. Now she knew how much she had hurt herself by trying to please him at the cost of her own honesty and needs.

Honesty is necessary for a good relationship with anyone. When we lie to ourselves, we cannot tell the truth to others. By being honest, we open our doors to others, we trust them with our true feelings, and they love us for who we really are.

Who can I tell how I really feel today?

Found out that I had been brought up to be honest, but my dis-ease eroded it away and my life was a big lie, filled with illusion and grandeur, thinking I knew it all, closed to what others had to say, especially those in authority.

It was all about me, never about others, and yet when I went to Al-Anon, I didn`t do for me, I did for others to escape my reality. I would take care of others, generally with ulterior motives and for the honor and glory, `look at me, aren`t I just fine!` The wrong motives and intent, trying to work and live my way through life instead of living in it, with a consciousness of what was around me. I had to get honest and realize that I was blind and couldn`t see. I was hard of hearing, because I didn`t want to hear what other people had to say, I knew it all you know, yeah right! My best thinking got me to the doors of recovery, so what made me think I was a leading authority, especially when I shut the doors on everyone and only had myself to listen to.

I could see you, but I couldn`t see me. I honestly didn`t know I had a disease. I didn`t know that it was spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical and I had to work the Steps on all levels. How can I be honest with you when I couldn`t be honest with me. That is why I found the Al-Anon slogan so freeing, `Let it begin with me.` It isn`t about your recovery, your actions, your words, your belief, it was about me and my God and how He would have me be. I had to admit to God, to myself and to others, the nature of my wrongs.

Honesty is the spiritual principle for Step One, but I think it is need for them all. We are all under God`s care, He cares for us, and we are loved.

How can you be honest if you don`t know yourself?

Thanks for letting me share.