Question - Men to Women Ratio

[MajestyJo]

Thanks for reaching out and asking. Dave is an active member, but he is away on the weekend. We have a few others but haven't heard from them for a while. Wilbe posts in the reading section. Perhaps you can private message them. There is a big stigma attached to women in recovery, so a lot of them are not as trusting and fear rejection.

In the groups, I found it to be more men. The women for the most part didn't travel from group, they stayed at their own group and maybe a meeting or two of friends. I was all over the city. If I had access to the meeting, I went. Often changed it up, not only different fellowships but different meetings within AA. If I got a ride, I went to night meetings, not many women at them, but I had a real thirst.

Some days I went to 3 meetings a day twice a week if I could get a ride. People talked about me because I seemed to know a lot of men, but they were at the meetings I attended. My sponsor said, "Stick with the women, those with recovery." I said, "Tell me where they are, most of them I haven't seen." I think it was a lot to do with their journey and abuse. I had the same issues, but I wanted the healing and the change. That meant to go where the message was being carried. I had a real thirst. One of the greatest gifts of recovery was being able to get to a ride out of town. I haven't had a car since 1980. I had two cars when I started my second marriage and ended up with none. Car repair was beer money.

In NA, I couldn't find a sponsor there who could identify with, and there were few over 5 years clean. I ended up with a gentleman who was my spiritual adviser, who was a member of AA who was dual addicted. He had the books for both fellowships.

My last AA sponsor was a heroin addict who never drank, but found NA a trigger and got clean and found sobriety (soundness of mind) in AA.

I found that any where I went the message was there if I was open to receiving it. Sometimes I got the message I needed to hear before the meeting even started.

I was told to look for someone I could relate to or find someone who had what I wanted. I sponsored a guy with 3 months sober from Montreal, on the condition he find a man who he felt comfortable with. He said, "People may look at me funny and think I am gay, but that doesn't matter. I want what you have." I also sponsored two guys who were gay. Even went to a gay meeting occasionally. Being gay doesn't matter, they were alcoholics. The message was the same. Although I had a chuckle when I said, "I am the Queen of Denial." My soon to be sponsee said, "I qualify too."

This was me today.