Things My Sponsors Taught Me

[bluidkiti]

From the Book

Things My Sponsors Taught ME
By Paul H.

On the Need for Working the Steps

If you take the booze away from a drunken S.O.B., what’s left is an S.O.B. Unless something is done about it, you’ll have a drunken S.OB. again, you can count on it—that’s what the Steps are all about, changing the S.O.B.

The Twelve Steps confront one’s self-righteous pride. We see language in the Twelve Steps—words such as “wrongs,” “defects of character,” “shortcomings,” and “harmed” –aimed at producing humility and at pricking our sense of our own importance. We are advised to do things that at first may embarrass us, such as making direct amends, and admitting to another person exactly what kind of S.O.B.’s we were during our during days. The miracle is that we are promised there will be positive changes happening to us as we continue working the Steps.


Please feel free to share your Experience, Strength, and Hope

[bluidkiti]

From the Book

Things My Sponsors Taught ME
By Paul H.

On Working the Steps in Order
The Steps are in the order for the best of all possible reasons—they work that way!

There is a divine logic in the order of the Twelve Steps. As we work each Step, we look deeper and deeper into ourselves. It’s not possible to work Steps One through Twelve without experiencing a profound, positive change. This is why the hard-noses insist on “working,” not “doing” the Steps.

To try to work the Steps out of order is to fail. One cannot make a list of those one has harmed, for example, if one has not first taken a moral inventory. How can we do anything in a “searching and fearless” way until we have abandoned fear by turning our will and our lives over to the care of a Higher Power? The process can’t be hurried; there aren’t any shortcuts. Step Two follows Step One, and Step Tree follows Step Two, in a natural and important progression.


Please feel free to share your Experience, Strength, and Hope

[bluidkiti]

From the Book

Things My Sponsors Taught ME
By Paul H.

Understanding Step Two
A good way to understand Step Two is to read it like this: “Came, came to, came to believe.”

Recovery is complicated when the alcohol fumes have barely left the brain. Hence, my sponsors’ use of the first there words of Step Two: “Came to believe.” Another way they made things clear was to say, “Take the body to a meeting. Eventually the brain will come along, too.”

In addressing belief in a Higher Power, Step Two is difficult for many alcoholics to grasp. Some have lost their faith, some never had any, and some cannot accept that a Higher Power would take direct, personal interest in their recovery.

The language of the Step does not include the work “God.” Each alcoholic can have many Higher Powers. A recovering alcoholic might understand and use the A.A. group as a Higher Power.

This point is, no matter how we understand a Higher Power, it takes time for some of us to gain enough spiritual understanding to accept that God, by whatever name we choose to use, does intervene for us individually and personally.


Please feel free to share your Experience, Strength, and Hope

[bluidkiti]

From the Book

Things My Sponsors Taught ME
By Paul H.

On Summarizing the First Three Steps

A simplified summary of the first three Steps is:
I can’t, He can, I’m going to let Him.

This quote puts the first three Steps in a simple perspective that even a new A.A. recruit can understand. The first three Steps have to do with a personal statement of powerlessness, a belief that a Higher Power can and will intervene in our behalf, and a decision to turn our wills and our lives over to this Higher Power. They are often called entry Steps or beginning Steps (beginners’ meetings usually concentrate on them). Newcomers often have difficulty adjusting to the ego-shattering concepts contained in them. Some of us old-timers do, too!

Powerlessness and unmanageability men that we need to admit we can’t hold our liquor, as well as confess our entire lives are like a runaway steamroller.

Many of us saw ourselves as invincible, invulnerable, ad omniscient while under the influence of alcohol. Now we are asked to see that we are something a whole lot less than heroic.

Admitting we need to be restored to sanity is a bitter pill to swallow. The more sober we get, however, the less a problem this is for us to accept.

In order to get sober, we must turn ourselves over to a power greater than ourselves. A.A.’s slogan is: “Get out of the driver’s seat.”

Please feel free to share your Experience, Strength, and Hope

[bluidkiti]

From the Book

Things My Sponsors Taught ME
By Paul H.


ABOUT BEING SICK, AND ABOUT RECOVERY

On the Disease Concept of Alcoholism

I don’t know whether it’s a moral weakness or
a disease. All I know is that for me it’s a FACT!

A.A. accepts the disease concept; most medical authorities accept it, too. But some alcoholics, because of their behavior and actions during their drinking days, see their condition as having moral overtones.

The quote was not made by a sponsor, but by close A.A. friend. We were at an A.A. meeting and the question of moral failing versus disease was being discussed. The debate was getting more and more heated until my friend made his statement. It ended the controversy. We all realized that what we do about our drinking is a paramount importance.

My sponsors told me not to ask “Why?” I learned that the cause of my alcoholism isn’t as important as its existence. I still don’t know for sure why I became an alcoholic, but it doesn’t matter. I’m sober, thanks to God and the fellowship, and that does matter.

Please feel free to share your Experience, Strength, and Hope

[bluidkiti]

From the Book

Things My Sponsors Taught ME
By Paul H.


On Anonymity

I don’t care who knows I’m an alcoholic, so long as I don’t ever forget it!

A.A.’s tradition of anonymity is often misunderstood. And this quote is an attempt to set the record straight. What my sponsors understood is that, at the level of the media, anonymity is a cornerstone of the fellowship of A.A. But for some alcoholics, anonymity can be used as a hiding place—a way to deny alcoholism.

My sponsor taught me to let every person I meet know quickly and very clearly that I don’t drink. “The idea is it’ll make it that much more difficult for you to belly up to the bar again,” they said. And they were right once again.


Please feel free to share your Experience, Strength, and Hope

[bluidkiti]

From the Book

Things My Sponsors Taught ME
By Paul H.

On Controlled Drinking

For an alcoholic? Don’t make me laugh!

Every few years, someone comes up with a magic system by which alcoholics can be taught to drink again. Statistics are cited that “prove” a certain percentage of alcoholics can be taught to drink “responsibly” again. A.A. absolutely denies this, using the premise that if a person really can be taught to drink responsibly, he or she wasn’t an alcoholic in the first place. This makes good sense to recovering alcoholics, but some people don’t think it’s a very strong argument.

Every one of the studies on controlled drinking I’ve examined has two failings. First, the samples are very small, meaning the sample of alcoholics who returned to responsible drinking is very small. Second, the studies do not keep track of the alcoholics in the sample for very long. The best single study I have seen tracked, for a period of five years, consisted of 100 alcoholics who had returned to drinking. At the end of five years, every alcoholic in the sample had either died, was institutionalized, or had attained sobriety. This is conclusive for me. Abstinence is the best way to prevent alcoholism from progressing to its natural termination—which could be your termination.


Please feel free to share your Experience, Strength, and Hope

[bluidkiti]

From the Book

Things My Sponsors Taught ME
By Paul H.
On Recovery

You didn’t get that sick overnight, and it’s going to take awhile to get well. Relax and work today’s program today.

Once the alcohol fumes are out of our heads, we see life can be beautiful, and we may find we want it all now. We don’t yet have the long-term sobriety to see that we need a careful foundation of recovery to withstand the bad experiences that happen in life. If we build a hasty, sloppy foundation, that’s the sort of recovery program we’ll have. If we try to jump into Twelfth Step work too soon, we’re going to make a mess of it. But if we keep on working today’s program today, we’ll establish a good, strong recovery. Then we’ll be able to help ourselves. Then we’ll be able to help others. The things we should do today may not always seem important to recovery, but each Step in our recovery program is important.

Please feel free to share your Experience, Strength, and Hope

[bluidkiti]

From the Book

Things My Sponsors Taught ME
By Paul H.

On Being Recovered

The only difference between a recovered and a recovering alcoholic is that the recovering alcoholic is still breathing.

For as long as we live, recovery is a process which can be stopped anytime by picking up a drink; hence, the hard-nosed insistence on the word “recovering.” It may seem picky, but to the hard-noses in A.A., the bottom line is that, for as long as we live, recovery is not certain. I had a friend who recovered after he died. He’s still helping me with my recovery, because I remember him each time I pass his grave. Some alcoholics call themselves “recovered” and it doesn’t seem to hurt them any; but I’m not going to take any chances with my recovery. I am a “recovering” alcoholic, and I hope it’s a long time before I’m “recovered.”

Please share your Experience, Strength, and Hope

[bluidkiti]

From the Book

Things My Sponsors Taught ME
By Paul H.
ABOUT SOBRIETY

On the Proper Place for Sobriety

If your sobriety isn’t your absolute top priority, the most important thing in your life, you’re going to get drunk again.

This may seem too harsh, but it’s actually kindness in disguise. The natural and immediate reaction is to reject the idea that your sobriety must outweigh everything else in your life. The fact of the matter is that wives, husbands, jobs, faith, family, health, and wealth all dissolve in alcohol. At whatever stage in recovery, an alcoholic owes it all to sobriety.

There are dangers of coming to A.A. for any reason other than a desire to stop drinking. That’s why A.A. counsels against radical changes in one’s life for at least the first year of recovery.

A nonalcoholic whom I highly respect has complained to me that much of A.A.’s teaching has a sort of “or else” flavor about it, and he finds this to be a negative thing. My answer is that it isn’t negative and it isn’t intended to frighten. It’s realistic.


Please share your Experience, Strength, and Hope

[bluidkiti]

From the Book

Things My Sponsors Taught ME
By Paul H.

On Counting One’s Sobriety

Hard-noses count their sobriety by one of only two acceptable ways, either by the first meeting after the last drink, or by the solitary word “today”. The harder the nose the more likely it is by “today” that they count.

A.A. members are not really superstitious, but it sometimes seems that way. Many will not claim anything more than “a few 24 hours” for their sobriety. No one who is trying to be honest claims a period of sobriety which preceded the last drinking lapse. Others often do, but they don’t fool anyone but themselves. It’s as though to claim a fixed period of time for sobriety is to brag about something we have only as a gift. When I asked my sponsor how long they had been sober, they often responded, “All day”.

“Today” makes very good sense as a yardstick to measure sobriety. Today’s sobriety is what will keep me clean, not yesterday’s, and not tomorrow’s.


Please share your Experience, Strength, and Hope

[bluidkiti]

From the Book

Things My Sponsors Taught ME
By Paul H.

On Longevity in A.A.

At any A.A meeting, the person with the greatest longevity in the program is the person who got up first that morning.

This quote is about living in the “now” of things. A twenty-year A.A. member is ranking no higher or lower than a first-meeting member. For each of them, the only sobriety they can count on and bet their lives on is the sobriety they enjoy today.

I’ve attended meetings where it was rather important to some of the members to claim “numbers” on each other. I found it petty and not in harmony with the traditions of A.A. After all, what difference does it make? What’s important is that either you’re sober or you’re not.

Those who claim large numbers of years in the program are often playing games with themselves. Someone who claims to have been “around” the program fro a certain number of years probably hasn’t been in the program that long. One is either in the program or one is not. One is never “around” the program.


Please share your Experience, Strength, and Hope

[bluidkiti]

From the Book

Things My Sponsors Taught ME
By Paul H.

On the Basic Truth about Sobriety

Things do get better!

When we come to A.A. things seem as bad as can be. We are at the bottom of a deep hole, and there appears no way out. Our self-image and our sense of well-being are pretty well shot. Our hands are shaky enough to raise whitecaps of coffee, and the look in our eyes is better left to the imagination.

If we continue to attend A.A. meetings and try to work the Twelve Steps, we’ll gradually feel and look better. We’ll learn to laugh, particularly at ourselves. We’ll sleep like babies at night, not like the dead. Things in our lives will begin to get better, too. Bosses will tend to make fewer remarks about unemployment; people will seem to enjoy our company, and we’ll find ourselves with energy we may not have felt for years. In short, we’ll look into the mirror and no longer feel an overwhelming desire to puke. Things aren’t always good, but all in all, things do get better.

Please share your Experience, Strength, and Hope

[bluidkiti]

From the Book

Things My Sponsors Taught ME
By Paul H.

On Being Tempted

What the hell were you doing there in the first place?

Very early in my recovery, as I walked to the train, I passed a favorite liquor store that was advertising my favorite brand. With some effort and self-pity a great deal of self-righteousness, I managed no to go in. When I got to the train, my sponsor was there, and I told him what had happened. The statement I’ve quoted was his response. I was crushed. I thought he’d at least pat me on the back. But then I gave some serious thought to what he was saying to me, and I realized I had made things harder for myself. I didn’t need to go near a liquor store. He challenged me to find a way to walk from my office to the train with out passing a liquor store or a tavern. That isn’t easy in a big city like Chicago, but it can be done, and he made me find out how.

We often crate difficult situations for ourselves. We often get in the way of our sobriety. My sponsor was showing me I really hadn’t put my sobriety first. He recognized what I had yet to learn: and alcoholic never need to be looking in a liquor store window. Potentially dangerous situations are easily handled when we don’t let them take place.

Please share your Experience, Strength, and Hope

[MajestyJo]

Like this, so many people think it is safe, yet we are only an arm's length away from that next drink or drug, depending on our spiritual decision. Unless I am making a 12 Step call, I really don't have a reason to be some places, I also find that if the place isn't good for me mentally and emotionally, I am setting myself up for relapse, be it family and/or friends.

Normally I have no problems going into a restaurant that serves alcohol, but one day I met with a friend, and we didn't realize it was Gray Cup day. So noisy, we could hardly hear ourselves talk and the beer was flowing, which didn't bother me because I never liked beer. What did happen, was a bottle of wine sitting on the table in the booth next to me, and I found myself, reaching out to touch the bottle. In my mind I wasn't going to drink it, I was just going to look at it. I don't know if it was empty or not, I realized what I was doing, and it was like thinking I was going to be burnt, and pulled back my hand quickly. I felt bad about even having the thought. In the moment, all I thought of was "It is Hochtaler" and it was normal for me to reach out for it. As they say, "It is the thinking behind the drinking."