When one alcoholic/addict shares with another alcoholic/addict

[MajestyJo]

SEEK THE INNER CAUSE OF PROBLEMS


"When you arrive at your future, will you blame your past?"
-- Robert Half

What holds you back from being and doing more? In your journal, list what you believe is holding you back.

Have you blamed people or factors outside of yourself? It's important to understand that ALL problems are rooted inside us. Even the blocks that appear to be outside of us are only reflecting back an issue we have inside that we have not yet owned. Once we address our inner issue, the outer situation no longer troubles us.

The buck always stops with us. We step into our power when we accept responsibility for our lives. "The most self-destructive thought that any person can have is thinking that he or she is not in total control of his or her life. That's when, ‘Why me?’ becomes a theme song."
-- Roger Dawson

"...look at that word blame. It's just a coincidence that the last two letters spell the word me. But that coincidence is worth thinking about. Other people or unfortunate circumstances may have caused you to feel pain, but only you control whether you allow that pain to go on. If you want those feelings to go away, you have to say: ‘It's up to me.’"
-- Arthur Freeman

"Don't make excuses -- make good."
-- Elbert Hubbard

Used with permission from Higher Awareness.

THOUGHT FOR TODAY:

This reminds me of a time at a meeting when a newcomer was sharing how he had such a difficult time of letting go of blame and shame. I told him, "If you take the word 'me' out of those to words what do you have left. I call it the "bla and sham" game. Told him not to buy into it, and to realize that it was his disease that had done the talking and the action, and he was responsible, but the best way to heal it was to heal himself and take himself out of the equation so he wouldn't have to be a continuing participant.

A long-timer told me a long time ago, one of the biggest contributiong factors leading to relapse is guilt, follwed by blame and shame. He thought that guilt was just as much a factor or more so than resentment. I found that a lot of it was projected onto people by their family and friends where had their own anger and issues and it was easier to point the finger than to deal with their own issues. It is amazing how many people sabatoge people in recovery because of their own denial and guilt, and as a result they play the blame and shame game. More spouses and friends are responsible for relapse than most addicts who are already feeling low self-esteem and self-worth, and they don't like the fact that their spouses find recovery in the rooms and do for others what they won't do for them, not realizing that they don't have the power. The power for recovery is in the rooms of recovery, not in the home or church. They can help if there is support there and understanding, but seldom is that the case.

My brother-in-law never knew where to put his face if I mentioned the fact that I was leaving a family function to go to a meeting.

It is always good to get affirmations and remember whens.

I can still go into the old guilt when it comes to my son and my abusive marriages. The abused often becomes the abuser, and I found myself hitting back in anger, resentment, and that old adage, "It is all your fault!" Looking at the alcoholic and addict instead of looking at myself. When I looked at me, I realized that I needed the 12 Steps for myself and I fit in and qualified for just about any 12 Step room of recovery I walked into.