MIXED BAGGAGE

[MajestyJo]

"For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin -- real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be got through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life."

-- Fr. Alfred D’Souza

My whole life seemed to go to the pits and I blamed it on my parents. Either my father for not being there or for my mother being there and doing nothing or doing things that I found abusive and controlling.

I didn't know that she was dealing with her own pain and didn't have the tools to deal with it. I believe she too had fibromyalgia.

As the quote says it was my life and my choices. A lot of those choices were a result of what I had seen in my past and didn't know I had the power to change them. I didn't know I was giving up my own power. Didn't know I had it to lose.

Life happens! Life doesn't change, the only person who can change is me. I don't have the power to change or make anyone do anything. I can still hear my mother saying, "Look at what you made me do!"

Often the obstacles are self imposed. I put on the limitations myself. Through my God, all things are possible. I didn't need prison bars, I was a prisoner of my own mind.

Life didn't get better, I did.